DarvyOWolf's Journal

DarvyOWolf's Journal


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6 entries this month

Portals...Part 1

05:55 Jan 29 2023
Times Read: 214

The Dreaming With In
By Dwayne Kittle

It had been a long day with shopping kids in tow, after 4 months of 12-hour 6-day work weeks finally a 3-day weekend she decided to hit up the stores she wanted to go to but with work-life imbalance, she couldn't afford the time. Well, today was the day she was about to conquer all and her little girls were about to have the day they deserved .. a real girls' day out no boys just them. They went thrifting and then lunch of burgers and fries and little soda pops and loads of laughter She would trade this for all the Guchi in the world. with giggles and silly faces, the day went by quickly. Too quickly for her taste.. how many more days will she get to have like this before her little girls grow up and have little girls of their own. she wiped away a tear and pushed that thought out of her head for now it was the bookstore icecream and home, After they got home it was time for bath pajamas and a little anime that her oldest of 11 years old loved and would never tire of. she nestled in rocking the youngest one singing along softly with the opening song and just like that the little Cabbage patch doll her youngest was out cold ."Baby Snores" she smiled carefully she got up and flashed her oldest the look of "Don't You Dare Say A Word" and softly walked the sleeping treasure into her room put her in her bed covered her up and watched for a few minutes to see if she would wake. Luckily the day's events wore the little Titans out. On silent feet found her way back to the couch and snuggled with her oldest for a few more episodes Crunchyroll anime network was an amazing thing... after quiet protesting trying to get one more episode of One Piece...Her oldest relented and the oldest under protest went to bed. She went around the room picking up toys and straightening the house set the dishwasher to run and then off to the showers to wash away achy muscles ..babies though cute funny loveable are heavy. The hot water did its trick un knotting her muscles and relaxing her almost to the point of sleep she got out dried off braided her long raven hair slipped into a t-shirt she swiped from him the last time they were able to spend time putting on shorts turned out all the lights pulled back the covers and sank into bliss. She woke up in the folded light of a new day she wandered out to the Living room en route to the kitchen to make coffee and get the day started but stopped short in surprise to see him standing there with his back to her. His arms wrapped around another woman! She grabbed him by the shoulder as he turned around he turned to dust and the other woman ...was herself. the woman eyes her other self ..the eyes were black as night or polished Onix orbs with silver flex moving about them her other self twin or ..reflection produced a wry smile and then reached out to touch her. " Asdzą́ą́ Nádleehé" ( Spirit Woman) she whispered. The TheAsdzą́ą́ Nádleehés fingers hovered above her sternum and reached in as though she were made of liquid. She sat up looking around its morning the sun in its golden rays promise to be a good day she wandered into the living room where the kids were playing she smiled thinking that all is right in the world . For there is nothing more pleasant and infectious as a child's laughter.
She put together the coffee and proceeded to make the girls their breakfast pancakes the Sunday morning tradition which started with her grandmother back on the reservation. after she set the table and highchair she plated the glorious bounty which was to be gone in a matter of minutes and a sticky mess to come afterward .she complained but loved this all in the same her girls are her world and nothing would ever come between them. not Man Nor Beast and she would defend them to the bitter end with her last breath. she walked into the living room to herd the littles to their spots then stopped cold her Girls were monochrome..looked at her and with the "What's wrong Mommy" on their faces, they froze as if they were an old photograph . In Fact, they turned into a black and white photo .she held it in her hands and as she held it, it began to burn slowly at first then n an instant ash a shadow at her right she saw just out of the corner of her eye blew gently and the ashes scattered. she sat up she threw back the covers and wandered the house the pale morning light filtering in she went out the back door she stopped at the gate and found his jacket she held it fiercely wanting him to be here to make everything ok needing him here at this moment then the jacket disintegrated. she wandered out onto the beach where they last saw each other only to be met halfway by the Asdzą́ą́ Nádleehé. This Time TheAsdzą́ą́ Nádleehé Reached out-touched her chest and pulled out the woman's heart the heart while still beating turned to molten glass and then into a clear orb.
The Asdzą́ą́ Nádleehé walked out into the ocean and with a serine face dropped the orb into the water causing ripples across an otherwise calm sea. smooth as a mirror's surface only moments before.
not a word was spoken as theAsdzą́ą́ Nádleehé melted into the sea.
The woman sat up ..the house is dark she quietly ran down the hall, and opened the door to see her two little girls fast asleep she staggered back into her bathroom and slammed her hand on the vanity to see if she was really awake this time. the throbbing pain told her all was normal
she slumped onto the bathroom floor...and wept




The Idiot At The Bottm Of The Cup

09:52 Jan 22 2023
Times Read: 244


They say you go through three stages when you go through a sort of break up
I sat at the table staring out into the darkness that was quickly becoming a new day
steam rolling off my cup I could feel the draft in the window....going to get to that and fix it one day soon...
within 24 days I went through the euphoria of a new love then as they say nowadays Ghosting ? yes, that sort of thing
to the "I can't do this anymore your too old ( she said, in the beginning, age didn't matter and like the ultimate moron that I am ...I believed her)carefully sipping the rich dark liquid from my cup as its warming my hands I went through the greaving part only an idiot would try to hold onto a Scorpio...I'm that idiot a week goes by with all the drama that entails blaming me for the crap that's happening at her end of life...then telling me she didn't want to lose me...funny I thought that was what she was trying to do in the first place...but I try again only to get stung a second time.....I backed off slowly and thought of the late Grumpy Cat with one of her sayings "Like A Good Neighbor Stay over There" I am at the acceptance stage now ...its FINE Everything is FINE I'm FINE!!! Did I mention we work together....yeah when this whole thing started I wanted to give her the synopsis of an Anime made by and about Native Americans. lady in my team is Navajo, and she said "Dew never trusts a Native. they will be out to destroy you". did I listen? you guessed it! My life as a Tragic Comedy to which Woody Allen has nothing on me...
Will I EVER do this again? it's safer to just get a dog....there are these little fluff balls wild even. their called coyotes? they look so soft and loveable maybe I should get one of those?
Who knows Right? do she and I still Talk? I must love the punishment yes we still talk but I'm in my plastic bubble and no she isn't allowed in
no one is...until I can figure out WTF is wrong with me and how I can stop that Hyper focusing on the person not going through that crap again.. it's like being addicted to a drug I Imagine one of those crazy drugs that make you do stupid things like scratch your back with a cheese grater, or touch a red hot stove to see if it's working, not that I would do any of this but you get the Idea
I took a swig of an empty cup as I watched the sky lighten up little by little ..It's gonna be a nasty one I can feel it in my bones
wet freezing cold... coffee gone pot's empty it's 4 am I should just take a nip and go to sleep
wonder what I'll dream up ....more Scorpion Wasps tryin' ta get inside my head through my heart again? Woooo knows



15:19 Jan 22 2023

Yep, people come around and go. Some don't know what the hell they want to do so you get hurt. I know in some situations there is a lesson to be learned. What that is, is for you to see.



07:46 Jan 16 2023
Times Read: 264

If you had never said a word. I'd have maybe gone through life without feeling hurt. But I will pick up myself again. dust myself off and start walking to find my zen. but before I go I will weld shut the gate to the zone of friends. And I will build this wall up high. till the top touches the sky. to the rest of you I say goodbye. Though I will be very much alive the lights have gone out in my mind. I've gone to a place where I can not feel
Too much shit I can not deal
So a robot is what I've become
See what this world has done




The Repairman

04:37 Jan 15 2023
Times Read: 276

A man lays down to sleep..with the pre-recorded sounds of the forest where he grew up
with the wind blowing through the tall pines, he begins to slowly sink into a deep meditated slumber

in his R.EM. he is walking down a corridor the pale sun filtering through slits that appear to be some sort of window
he walks into a room, and with a wave of his hand ..It seals..... he sits in a lotus position closes his eyes and begins to open his third eye
Sealing off the outside world and going deeper ... tracing the neurological pathways to where the pain and suffering are. He goes deeper and finds the frayed wires and begins the repair of the nerve endings.. in the distance he hears the steady thrumming of his heart beating ...slow and steady..... a stray dark and negative thought sides swipe his inner being saying"Just think ..all you have to do is reach out and stop the thrumming and all this would be over" he smacks the thought away and applies the plasma heat to repair the wiring. in the distance, the negative thought shatters into a billion particles to be washed away by the wind and collected in the sap of the pines trapped there like an ancient bug in amber. Almost like a space engineer, he travels up and down the neuro pathways hunting down the damage done over the years. With each new spot, he hears the echoes of the voices that caused the break in the Psyche wiring. with a snip of wire cutters, the memories of that time can no longer be heard .... he sees the dents along the way from the Assult from the outside some in self-defense some in self-harm."there's a Defect in the programming I'm afraid, And I shall have to attend this at a later time ..for now, though the wiring needs tending"...
he sees the damage done by the lack of oxygen from respiratory failures in doorways where there shouldn't be any and walls where there should be doors... the damage isn't irreverseable.no over time and perseverance can set things to rights. He continues on his way and a flicker catches his eye
there is a disturbance in Quadrant 7 he floats to the scene only to come out of the meditation to find a woman there with a key ..shes breached his defensive walls with the repairs still incomplete.. she whispers something in audible which form words that float from her beautiful bow-shaped lips .her eyes alight with a firey passion she leans in for a kiss ...he sees what she is holding ..a brass key with the word "TRUST" engraved into it he backs away from the kiss and takes the key from her" I don't know how you got this but its mine .and until I can believe in you you can not have this" she fades he locks the cell, swallows the key and he slips back to the corridor to begin his repair further down the corridor he takes up the task mending the nerve endings then looks to his right and sees himself walking toward the room with the walls and doors. his second self smiles and nods" right I will be down here fixing this stuff then If I need you you'll know" going back to the task at hand he notices out of the corner of his eye to the left is another copy of himself" Oi I'm headed down to Respetory to see if I can fix the damage there right mess those are" he tips his lucky hat and saunters toward the lungs. once again alone he sees to separating a tangle of wires leading to the emotions box the box is burned and the wires are melted. He remembers how this happened. "The Woman with the key" he whispered.." I was such an idiot" some of the wires started to glow from the heat and a little smoke rose he took a deep breath and let it go slowly and with it the wires began to cool. He snips the tangle free and splices in the new neurological wires completing the repair. moving along he stopped by a room where he sees himself talking to.. himself.. opposites one is timed and afraid the other big and menacing. the larger of the two yelling at the weaker " why did you even bother? your such a fucking moron !! do you like being played? WELL, DO YOU?!!!" The larger one picks up the weaker one by the throat "WHY DON'T YOU JUST DIE NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE NO ONE LIKES YOU AND LOVE OH ...MY ..GOD HOW PATHETIC CAN YOU ACTUALLY BE? the weaker one just takes the abuse.. The Repairman pulls the plug on the program and the scene fades. In its place scorch marks on the tissue where the afterburn took place. making a mental note of the extensive cleanup this will have to have
Perhaps new scenery to spruce up the room to make it more pleasant than the previous scene.
with the touch of his hand, the damage heals and in its place, the forest from his boyhood appears he can hear the gurgling of the river slowly lazily moving along birds chirping in the distance... the cell is being slowly repaired..he did all he could do for this spot. now it's only a matter of time
continuing down the corridor he comes to another poorly patched part of a memory in a continuous loop making him remember the bad things he's done his whole life and being amplified throughout the cell ..it seems to go for miles. he enters the room and shuts down the power to this quad and slowly begins the reworking of this botched patchwork. the patchwork looks like someone was here to do a repair but was in a hurry to get onto a more important emergency in the Pulmonary Quadrant. as he is slowly repairing the patch he remembers that day quickly doing a "This Will Have To Do" patch and reaching the Pulmonary Quad where a valve malfunction .he and his other selves rushed in to repair the valve thus saving his life
a fragment of that negative thought appears very old and tired and says" Sometimes I wish we weren't so successful on that day ..pay no mind child ..I'll leave you be" the old man fades into nothing
Rubbing his hands over his face feeling a bit weary he musters the energy to move forward
before he leaves the room he replaces the damage with a happy scene from his childhood where w old gingerbread-style house stans once again in all its glory he smells freshly simmered peaches soaking in rich cream a child races through the door yelling " Mommy..I'm home" he turns walks away and wipes a tear from his eye...she's been gone for decades now..... she would often tell him things like " don't Fuss about tomorrow it's not here yet an don't fret about yesterday 'cause it's already in the storybook..Alls ya got to worry 'bout luv is today and once you've made it through today you've won" with that she would gently bop the tip of his nose and kiss the top of his head and pull the covers tuck him in.....the scene fades "good days those "he thought
he pulls himself out of the meditation and stands up inside the safety of his own mind cell will he ever leave his head? who knows maybe once all the repairs are done..or if he can actually in all confidence hand the key to his cell to someone...again who ..knows the man thinks as he sits up in his bed forcefields securely in place he looks out on




you arre a moron!!

12:14 Jan 10 2023
Times Read: 304

you are 56 she's 31
she says she has a crush on you ..and you believe it
last Friday you had a make-out session with her ..knowing full well shes got 2 kids at home and one of those kid's dad lives with her (yes she said they have problems and probably have had problems for a few years)
What the fuck are you doing
and to top it all off, your on an emotional High and almost tell her the three words you both agreed should never be said
you fucking idiot
jezus fuckin christ
Really Dwayne? REALLY?
just keep your head down do your fucking job and dont speak unless spoken to Especially Leti don't bother her anymore




work in progress ....Johnny loves Char

10:12 Jan 10 2023
Times Read: 310

He gets high when she walks by
You can tell by the look in his eye
And that smile that goofy smile
Life was so hard
It's all changed because
Jonny loves Char

She walks into the Caffe
She lights up the room
He's had a bad day
but with a touch of her hand
she chases the gloom away
Best day by far
Because Johnny loves Char



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