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EtherealRaven's Journal



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4 entries this month

 

Try my best not to disappear from here

18:02 Jul 29 2020
Times Read: 227


You see, I could probably get the diagnose of AvPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder).

I cannot be completely sure about it, being too avoidant to see a specialist - and there are very few things that I enjoy less than amateur, dilettant self-diagnoses -, but when I read the official description on personality disorders - DSM-IV and stuff -, everything I read about the Cluster C - Avoidant made me think "dammit! Do they know me in person?"

So I think it is not only something I made up, in aim to feel special 'cuz being disordered is so trendy nowadays. Hell no.

The thought of being known might lead to me getting panick. Even in a relatively less-known online community where one can remain anonymous if one wants to.

I know I should not disappear from everywhere. Being socially totally isolated is not good (if I am allowed to act so egoistic). Also, it might be bad for the few people who'd start conversations with me.

So I'll try not to act as if I had just dissolved :}


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Sleepy day. Sleepy all day long.

22:34 Jul 20 2020
Times Read: 250


Something must be in the air. I was so sleepy all day long, in addition to being completely braindead.

Wasn't so creative or productive as I meant to be to-day, something that gives me quite bad conscience.

Blehhh. I think I'm going to have to drop dead now.


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Everyday stress. Idiots at the supermarket. And I miss my FreeBSD.

19:37 Jul 18 2020
Times Read: 278


Sometimes I wonder what counts more? Is it more important how you look - or how you behave?

I think it's a well-known problem for most users here, as VampireRave is - mildly said - not the world's most conformistic or mainstream community site.

I should have already gotten used to getting "the looks" from strangers. Yes, a weird loser with dyed black hair, dressed in all black, usually wearing some weird T-shirt of some band (or operation system, or jet fighter aircraft) most people have never heard about... this automatically gives people the right to give you "the looks". Okay. I have gotten used to it. If you dare to be just a little bit different, strangers are entitled to look at you as if you were some alien. And aliens are unwanted, sorry. They must be bad. Obviously. What did you expect?
I know. I know.

Yet, somehow I am trying my best to have manners.
Even if I am considered to be "non-conformistic", I always try to remember the essential norms of being polite. I wouldn't say I always succeed, but at least I try.

Yes, it can be a pain in the arse, seeing dumb parents who don't teach their kids how to behave.
Today, while doing the usual shopping thingy, I encountered a socially accepted father with his two "sweety-naughty" daughters, about 8...10 years of age. Oh, so vibrant and sweet those girly-girlies were, running and screaming around, not giving a damn about disturbing all the customers!
It might be my fault but it didn't feel good, not at all, when these vibrant sweeties stared at me and gave an expression to their opinion with an unarticulate but loud "Uuuuuuøøøøøøøææææææhhhh".
WTF?
At this very tender age, these sweeties already seemed to know how to treat those who don't look the way people should look like. They seemed to know they were entitled to comment on it. It was so good to see them have a healthy confidence to comment an adult like this. I wonder if these vibrant little sweeties pick on their "outsider" classmates too?
(Hint: I didn't even wear Steel boots - just trainers - or some crazy, ugly metal T-shirt but a black one with the Debian spiral on it. And my newly shaved mohawk is not visible if I don't pull my hair back {it took my love a whole day to notice it ROTFL}. So, I did not look any provocative, just the usual dark thingz.)

I wonder if it's too old-fashioned or uncool to teach the essential behaviour norms to one's youngsters?
Seems yes, as they stood in the way - with the biggest shopping trolley that was available at the supermarket -, not giving a damn about others wanting to proceed.
It was me who felt awkward when I addressed them "Excuse me..."

And yes, I miss having a FreeBSD. Having a stable, reliable Linux distro is fine for everyday use - I don't allow anything *.exe on any of the boxes in the household -, but for an adventurous self-torturer like myself, challenges begin with a BSD variant. (They could probably begin with a Gentoo or Arch-Linux installation either, but having an authentic *nix is insanely good.)
I installed FreeBSD on this very laptop I am writing on, I even managed to make it bootable, but when installing a GUI, I got nothing but a black screen and a mouse pointer after logging in.
This means there is some graphic card configuring to do - this is much less torture than having to endure this stupidity and rudeness from strangers.

So I read some FreeBSD documentation to compensate for how crappy I felt. Don't think I am going to begin with configuring tonight - there is beer in the fridge, waiting for me -, but at least I began to do something with the problem.

Yes I know I have a fascinating, exciting life :P


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ThedarkprinceVvvvV
ThedarkprinceVvvvV
01:02 Jul 19 2020

I have A dual box LInux and windows on it i know the pain.





EtherealRaven
EtherealRaven
15:34 Jul 19 2020

Which distro do you have?
Does your motherboard have ancient BIOS or the oh-so-modern UEFI? It is easier to make things bootable with a legacy motherboard than with UEFI.





ThedarkprinceVvvvV
ThedarkprinceVvvvV
16:30 Jul 19 2020

Ancient BIOS i have an X220 Lenovo with 16GB ram, dual channel not the UEFI, (thank god)
I deal with UEFI with allot of the machines i support at work.





EtherealRaven
EtherealRaven
22:18 Jul 20 2020

Oh the nostalgy. Lenovo ThinkPads are/were so good and reliable.
So good that you know how it feels... dealing with UEFI. I am just supporting the machines here at home but it gives a certain insight :)





 

Summer depression

18:18 Jul 15 2020
Times Read: 295


I wonder if it's only me?

So many people seem to complain about seasonal depression hitting them at autumn or winter time.

I tend to suffer from summer depression. All the light, the blooming nature, people going out and having fun just makes me feel worse and more alienated from the world.

Though we might say I have seasonal depression at any given time of the year, it seems to get more serious at summertime.

Are there others who experience the same?


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