HUGs and love wanted
that is all
thanks.
The start of the day was rather interesting to say the least. I woke up around my usual 6am time that has been branded in my head for a long time. Times I tend to wake up around 4 or 5 screaming cuz of night terrors that's always fun (not). Got up for a brief amount of time to take care of needs smoking a cig and then using the facility's to put it politely. After that I went back to bed and slept until 8:50 AM the first time I've actually slept in. I'm not used to that. Usually I'm up for a while and then I take a nap cuz I get really overwhelmed and the shutdown process activates. I may have someone that I'm meeting today, hopefully if it happens it'll go well. I'm still wary about meeting people.
I've stepped out of my little box that I'm so used to protecting me. I need to feel like I have options If I want to go home I go home that sort of thing. I'm still unsure about things as they are. However, it feels like something is in the air of change. Despite what's going on right now in our little planet out in the middle of nowhere. Could it be a good thing. That's something I have to explore.
I tend to self sabotage myself a lot, and it's not intentional. My safety is my top priority. As for my objective with life is to surround myself with my loved one's. My polycule for lack of a better word. For everyone to be in one place and grow and live happily. Have a garden both veggies and herbs. Have a community of others that love each other and help each other grow. This is always been my objective since I became polyam so many years ago.
A lot of my partners are long distances, and I have no idea if they want the same though there's a few that share my ideas. I just want to be loved, and get the things I need to grow. I don't have much time left. It's going to be against me and I'll have to figure out ways to survive it if that's even possible. I died legally once, I'm sure it's not that far around the corner when I haven't been doing the best of job taking care of myself. I started to make changes in that area.
I'm still looking for someone to be with locally , cuz a girl has her needs. I've survived sex trafficking , I survived years of abuse physically violence. I've made what seemed impossible possible.
I just want to be loved. (NOTE this was written on fetlife and was my 69th writing hahaha)
Happy 2025
Hopeful it won't turn into the shit show that I think it will.
COMMENTS
Stop thinking it will and manifest that it's going to be great. Happy New Year!
Be the change. Hopefully, someone will institute a change that many desire...
it's gonna be shit every year because people suck in general I feel you Fiz
COMMENTS
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CuRsEdToDaRkNeSs
23:00 Jan 20 2025
hugs
STABB666
02:32 Jan 22 2025
Many hugs!