We keep arguing! He insists that because I lied about something small, I will lie about larger things. And keeps accusing me of cheating or flirting with other guys when I am not. And I've gone so far as to show him my facebook and text messages, but he does not believe me. Is this a ruse? Is he cheating?
And he set up ground rules: not to text/call males that are not related to me. What nonsense is this? Why can't I text/call whoever I want? But he said he would leave if I did not agree.
Then he asks if he is wasting his time with me. I don't know, are you? That is what I want to say. But I don't. Becasue if he believes I am the liar or the cheat why hasn't he just left. I cannot answer that question for him.
He is driving me crazy.
He keeps saying he loves me, but times like these do not feel like love.
Ever feel good about something you know you should feel bad for? It's something that not even in the grey area of your moral compass; you know its wrong. But so good.
Me and the source of my agony are talking again. Well, more than talking...
I fear this "happiness" won'y last but I feel very attached to the source of my agony. Could this be something like love? Something close to it?
Crap x1000! OMG! I've done it again. Honestly, why? 1000x Why!Every time I try to end things, or intentionally do things to put him off, it does not work. He can call my bluff- but how? I want him to end things so I don't have to be the bad guy, you know?
So at work, this guy gave me his number and the first person that popped into my mind after I realized - the source of my agony.
Yesterday- junk food.
Today- funny youtube videos.
I cannot decide if things are looking up because it has not dawned on the source of my agony that I do not want to talk anymore. I do not know how he will handle it- but presumably not well if our past arguments are any indicator.
|World Visitor Map|