I like my job, and now I'm aware this person likes me, I feel anxious and nervous at work. My safe haven has been compromised. He whistles, sings, makes cat noises, says "Hi, how are you?" and occasionally parks next to me. I never know what exactly to do or say. He doesn't do these things to my other coworkers. There is a language barrier so I'm afraid to talk to him and make myself look stupid.
The next time I see him will be Wednesday. What do I do? I do not know if I like him beyond looks. Is it creepy if I research a few things to say in his language to talk about?
I'm supposed to be excited about my new job, but I'm not. All I can think about is how much I'm going to miss my current coworkers and how much I'm going to miss my current job. If my job paid a decent wage and had benefits I would not leave; I know I'm not supposed to like working fast food, but I do.
I do not know how to face these feelings. My last day is at end of April, so I suppose there is time to figure it out.
I remember my last day at Burger King. We were a close group. It's never easy leaving a job for another one because you spend more time with co-workers most days than family. They become family. So I get it. And honestly there are days where I miss making stupid burgers.
There is a winter storm in the middle of my spring- literally.
I am obsessed. Every little thing: does he say hello? how does he say it? where did he park? Did he say goodbye? But I suck at flirting. I do not form human connections easily; the only ones that last are obligatory- family. That being said, work is about to be an awkward thing I hate because I perceive a loss of interest. I'm boy crazy, I suppose
Ever be so engrossed in what your doing that when a person enters and says hello it scares the living daylights out of you? I mean I jumped like I was in a horror movie; my coworker had to ask me after if I was alright.
He is always smiling at me. Sometimes he parks beside me. And sometimes we have very minimal small talk. This isn't going anywhere due to the language barrier, but these interactions make me feel more human than anything else at the moment. I look forward to work, and now that is coming to an end because I'll be starting a new job soon. Oh, life is up then down.
I often struggle with the dichotomy of my personality- the side that adds light into everything, and the side that snuffs it all out. I feel utterly alone all of the time. I need the small talk, smiles from strangers, and meaningless interaction perhaps due to inability to connect to people past a certain point.
I'm feeling like the protagonist in that Ralph Ellison book; I'm invisible, figuratively, only because people see me only through the lenses of what they can use me for. Often I find myself asking: Is it my job to be the me they need? Is it selfish to be any other way? People do not call me; I call them, listen to everything wrong with there lives, offer bad advice, and go on about my day. Do I even have friends right now? Friendship is overrated. Love is a tricky thing. Hope is a foolish thing. My life is disastrous thing; what is there to live for? Out of a million moments in time are a few gems- true bliss. Then the ignorance wears off and I'm seeing through the facade all over again- hate, jealousy, loneliness, pain. I want to end it all.
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