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4 entries this month
 

My Christmas Bagger

08:20 Nov 29 2022
Times Read: 34


Allow me to state immediately that in no way am I an expert bagger...I have never gained employment in such a capacity, for any length of time, ever in my life, nor have I experienced a higher product combination / storage education...I am completely self taught...trial and error, if you will...with that confessed...

I ventured out grocery shopping at Walmart this morning...Kroger was out because I needed another pair of reading glasses for work, you wouldn't believe how small a font size they use...in any event...
I was making my way to the self check out, which happens to be the source of my logical bagging expertise, when I noticed a lane wide open with a cashier / bagger in attendance...no line at all...I was dumbfounded at such a sight and could only attribute this blessed event to the Christmas season...so being filled with the Christmas Joy this gave me, I saddled my cart up and unloaded my treasures onto the counter / conveyor.

Now...my “Bagger Sense”, which from this point on will be referred to as BS, always tells me to place a loaf of bread with compatible items...such as with this particular shopping spree...2 rolls of paper towels...both items are long and soft and very bag cohabitant friendly...beautiful...

Not My Christmas Bagger... My Christmas Bagger decided to combine my loaf of bread with 2, of 4, bottles of Nesquik and a carton of toothpaste...Aquafresh With Whitening...now I have dented bread for the whole week. Sure...sure...the Nesquik and Aquafresh packaging is long, but they're not soft and therefor not compatible with a loaf of bread. No...my dented bread will not fluff back out entirely, all week long I will be looking at those dents and dreading when the damaged slices will be required to round out a dinner....wonderful...

See...my BS dictates that such items as Nesquik and 16oz Pepsi belong bagged together...they're both roughly the same size, both liquid refreshment and in an odd way lock together in the bag...this would also encompass any other elongated liquid products, water, fruit juices etc...this is indisputable BS logic...

Not My Christmas Bagger... My Christmas Bagger decided to combine the remaining 2 Nesquik with my porterhouse steak and get this...also with the Green Giant Yellow Corn Steamers! What?! She then bagged the 16oz Pepsi with the 4 Stouffer's SPAGHETTI WITH MEAT SAUCE, then topped that bag off with 1 Texas THREE CHEESE Garlic Toast...now I had 3 bags of sliding liquid refreshments...I won't even hazard a guess to why all 4 Nesquiks didn't go together...

Look...bottom of the bag...porterhouse steak with the 4 Stouffer's SPAGHETTI WITH MEAT SAUCE and the Texas THREE CHEESE Garlic Toast placed flat on top...COME ON...this isn't rocket science! BS! BS! BS!

Then... My Christmas Bagger placed my 2 cans of Campbell's CHUNKY SOUP THAT TASTES LIKE A MEAL...CHICKEN NOODLE...which I don't know why I even bought because I don't like hard noodles, I've written about this...she combined those with a glass bottle...GLASS...of A1 ORIGINAL Steak Sauce and my new reading lasses...BS! BS! BS! 2 heavy cans bouncing around with a glass bottle and fragile reading glasses?! What kind of BS is this?!

The kicker is My Christmas Bagger then placed a big soft bag of work socks into a bag all by themselves! WHAT?! If anything should be going solo it's the 2 cans of Campbell's CHUNKY SOUP THAT TASTES LIKE A MEAL...CHICKEN NOODLE!! Hard noodles or not!! SAVVY?! BS! BS! BS!

Of course the A1 Original Steak Sauce and the new reading glasses should have been bagged with the work socks...again, indisputable...glass and fragile with soft socks...isn't that BS 101!?

The Jacks Cheeseburger Pizza? Obviously back support for the paper towels and the loaf of bread, this is kindergarten BS and the 2 plastic protected servings of chocolate cake could have adorned the top of any bag, know your peripherals...BS PEOPLE...BS...


COMMENTS

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MalbecAndTangos
MalbecAndTangos
11:07 Nov 30 2022

OMG. I am dying. Freaking hilarious. You, sir, need a stand-up routine.





MeanMeanMrTu
MeanMeanMrTu
22:29 Nov 30 2022

Thank you.





tr1n1ty01
tr1n1ty01
23:17 Nov 30 2022

Love it! LOL





MeanMeanMrTu
MeanMeanMrTu
11:31 Dec 01 2022

Thank you.





 

Christmas Skin

01:55 Nov 26 2022
Times Read: 57


You know...as much as I love listening to Christmas music...which is a lot...I mean...it manages to reach a teeny tiny part of me that has somehow remained un-corrupted...innocent...pure if you will...a Christmas sponge that defies saturation...a welcome joyful 24 / 7 yuletide assault on that small small still burning childlike ember of hope...with that said...

I've never really been wild about Bing...Bing Crosby...Mr. Christmas...sure...sure...I'll listen to the Bing sing "Frosty The Snowman"...which by the way is NOT a Christmas song...I mean I won't shut it off...but there's something about that pipe smoking little prick that just rubs me the wrong fucking way...I don' know what it is...Bing has always made my Christmas skin crawl...just a little...I guess I don't see what other people see in Bing...old Bing...I don't get it...and I've never been all that fond of Danny fucking Kay either...anyway...

~Merry Christmas~


COMMENTS

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Theodora
Theodora
14:56 Nov 26 2022

How about Mariah? Do you love the Christmas Shoes song? Both Mariah and that song have to go IMHO. Not that anyone is asking. LOL.





Theodora
Theodora
14:56 Nov 26 2022

https://youtu.be/GJcPVB-we7g





MeanMeanMrTu
MeanMeanMrTu
12:23 Nov 28 2022

It was alright...what is IMHO?





 

Black Pepper Doesn't Move

23:10 Nov 24 2022
Times Read: 72


Tonight I am preparing a Thanksgiving dinner...it was either tonight or tomorrow night...because of sleep scheduling my Thanksgiving dinner is never consumed at a traditional social time...so...tonight it is.

I want to say here that my co-worker...George...suggested I try putting yellow onions...“Not cut like an onion ring! Cut like you would a tomato!”...and two stalks of celery under the turkey as it cooks...I am attempting this in an effort to elevate my culinary prowess...I'm feeling fairly cheffy...

Preparation of the oven bag begins and I retrieve my Gold Medal Flour from the cupboard...I have used this particular package for the last 3 years...maybe 4. I open the bag to scoop out the require flour for oven bag interior coating...I stop and stare...there appears to be spilled pepper in the flour...this is new...last year the pepper wasn't there, nor the few years prior...I don't understand where this pepper has come from...then...one of the black specks moved...

Now...I never went to some fancy haughty culinary school and I was never taught any type of kitchen savvy by a kindly old grandmother, from any family, and I don't have a life time of a wife, or girlfriend for that matter, cooking Thanksgiving dinner and yours truly being privy to the occasional strange food incident and I don't know a great deal about matters like Gold Medal Flour longevity...but one thing I do know...black pepper doesn't move!

Off to Kroger's for a new bag of Gold Medal Flour...


COMMENTS

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Theodora
Theodora
14:58 Nov 26 2022

You should try brining said turkey. It makes it delicious!





 

Winter

22:52 Nov 19 2022
Times Read: 102


Ah...my winter is almost here...I feel giddy...I love the snow and cold...it's when I walk.

I wear what you can see on my page...long black gentleman's coat...black scarf…leather gloves. I love the cold wind blowing the hair about my face...the frosty bite on my flesh...the squealing crunch of snow beneath my shoes.

I walk...at night of course...in a very nice neighborhood that's very picturesque. Nice neat trimmed upper middle class homes and further down my street even multi-million dollar homes...all nestled deep in snow drifts...their interior lights look warm and inviting...their exterior lights adding just the right touch of wealth.

I glance in as I pass each one...sometimes I see middle aged couples wrapped in comforters watching television...other times a figure walking to another room...vague pictures on walls...clocks...ah ha ha the occasional family pet...many times they run to the window and look out...they seem to know I'm there...I never linger...I just keep walking.

Do you know what I see when I look in? I see falseness. I wonder what atrocities and horrors those warm lights mask. Surely they can't be as "Ozzie and Harriet" as they look...no...no...that cannot be. I often imagine the occupants running out as I pass and scream their horrible truths... confess to me what they truly are.

Yes...I love walking on cold winter nights.


COMMENTS

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