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Another weekend on the psych unit done. There must have been something in the air this weekend because the residents that I work with were in rare form. Don't get me wrong, they are pretty much always a little crazy, but even more so these last few days.



For example, yesterday morning at breakfast while I was feeding a resident, another resident came over to sit with me. He began telling me about how he went to all these different colleges, including Harvard and Stanford. He was spinning a wild sotry about how is owned these schools at one point, but the government stripped him of this right ... well all except for Harvard. He still owns that one .... he just isn't allowed to be there. This story wasn't what really caught my attention. It wasn't until he shared his final breakfast story that I actually stopped and watched him with ... surprise perhaps.

his final story: "You know how to declare war in the state of Colorado?" I shrugged at this question, not really sure where it was headed.

"Well you would have to kill half of the state's population in the worst way ... and the way to do that is to shove a knife up through their rectum ... but that's already been done, so there's nothing left to do I guess."

Ok, the knife through the rectum? Yeah, that got my attention. Keep in mind that this guy is huge. He probably weighs at least 475 pounds, maybe more. He has a tendency to be a bit violent, but luckily I haven't had that experience. I just get to hear the stories!



Another schizophrenic resident told me that love really has no place in his life. "Like Tina Turner said, who needs a heart when a heart can be broken. what's love got to do with it man?" I retorted with the beatles "all you need is love." He just stared at me for a few minutes and then went back to talking about tina turners song lyrics. He then decided that there should be a movie about me called "Jennifer the movie." What this movie would be about, I have no idea. But it did make for some laughs at work.

The controversial topic of religion always seems to stir up some pretty intense emotions. Most people seem to shy away from the topic all-together, hoping, perhaps, that their view will not be called into question ... that they will never have to try and explain or answer questions from a non-or different-believer.



I was raised roman catholic and this seemed like a reasonable way to live and believe while I was young. Yet, over the years I became more and more curious. I started to ask questions, thinking nothing of my curiosity at first. But then I noticed that my questions seemed to be bringing up a lot of resentment and anger from those I questioned. I couln't understand this at first.



It has taken me years to come to grips with my spirituality and what it is that I truly believe and vice versa. I am still wavering between two terms of faith or lack thereof. Agnotic or ahtiest. I believe in the science of things. To me, there is no denying the scientific evidence of life and evolution. Yet, I find it hard to fully deny the spiritual sense of things. I am not sold on the idea of one God creating everything and controlling everything ....



One sidetracked though - I was driving through Lakewood yesterday and saw a sign outside one of the local churches that read "God loves you and wants to change you." This caught my attention for a few minutes. I couldn't help thinking to myself - if God loved someone, why would he or she want them to change? Shouldn't it be an unconditional love that he or she would love you no matter what? A rhetorical question, but one that got me thinking.



back on point ... I don't know that I could, in good faith, refer to myself as an atheist as I am not sure of that whole-heartedly either. I do believe that there is energy around us that is much more powerful than anyone could comprehend. I believe that there is more to life than the black and white ... I am intrigued and searching within myself and others to figure it out (as much as I can anyway).



It is difficult at work as most of the people there are christian and try to strike up conversations about religion. I am not comfortable talking to them about it as most of the time I am faced with some scary situations. So, instead, I let those people talk ... nod my head at the appropriate occassions and try to limit my input in the matter until it is over. am I wrong for doing this? Should I just open my mouth and question their beliefs? I think everyone has a right to their beliefs and I do not want to make anyone think that their belief system is wrong .... I don't know all the answers - no even close.



Controversial topic? Highly Emotional? Absolutely

I work in a psychiatric nursing home facility in Boulder and I must say that I am never in need of crazy stories. My days go by so quickly and I am constantly laughing.

I am stopped throughout the day to discuss anything from the weather to religion to the brick that someone thinks is in their head to the color of my shirt. Yesterday I sat and chatted with a guy who is probably about 54 years old or so and he was telling me about how he is concerned about the world and that he doesn't know how he could save it .... keep in mind, this guy is probably about 300+ pounds and towers over my petite 5'4" body ... he is also schizophrenic, among other diagnoses. He can always be counted on to have deep philosophical discussions at the most random times. One day he told me he was a priest and went outside to pick me a flower and blessed me. Another day he contemplating the meaning of life.

Then there is another guy who is about 28 years old with huntingtons disease ... last night he decided to beat up one of the CNA's because she told him he couldn't have any more mountain dew at 1 AM. He broke her nose and punched her in the stomach a few times. He also hit another CNA who was trying to calm him down.



That's life in the psych unit. I just finished a long weekend working there and having the old men try to hit on me ... I'm beat!