Life is boring, mundane. I live my life surviving my own darkness. I live to make sure my tiny little circle has a great life. I spent years being hit by the first husband. I spent years fighting with the second husband. My childhood was spent fighting for every breath while I lived on the streets. I've never had much money even when I worked multiple jobs at a time. Now I'm in domestic quicksand just doing what I can to make sure my circle is taken care of. My life currently lacks romance, and excitement. I crave something more deeper. I crave the things I'll never have. As my darkness forces my mind back to it's precautionary shadows I know craving what I won't ever have is nothing more than a dream. Dreams have no place in my life.
Mr. A is lazy. He will do anything as long as he doesn't have to commit to me in any sort of way. We take a step forward just to take 9 steps backwards. I'm overwhelmed. If I had a place to go and was able to look after us I would leave him. Being injured sucks. I've stopped hoping for miracles.
My ex best friend is still on my mind. Iiss her but I won't tolerate how she has been treating me. She sounds addicted to something. I can't tell if it's drama or drugs. Either way, we aren't friends anymore. She severed the friendship. Now she will have to face shit alone. I am tired of people taking advantage of me and only talk to me when they want something. At the end if this month I have to have another surgery. I just want to be in a better position. I miss working. Mr.A doesn't deal with depression and doesn't understand how.someone can be depressed. He does t u understand how every morning I fight just to keep myself together. Im trying to remain positive about everything. Keep everything safely tucked under the mask everyone else sees.
Hopefully 2022 will be more tolerant. 2019 thru 2021 hasn't been the best.
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