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birra's Journal


birra's Journal

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9 entries this month
 

Feeling a bit better today....

14:27 Oct 30 2007
Times Read: 857


...at least I was until a few minutes ago... thanks Sapphire.


Anyway, the hot/sweating hasn't subsided.. the headaches are still there.. but at least I don't feel completely fatigued and sore every time I move...


That has to be progress, right?


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The week is over...

00:05 Oct 28 2007
Times Read: 876


...and I'm still wondering about that feeling of impending doom.


Perhaps it was the illness I came down with during the trip. Strange illness; a horrible headache, most likely brought on by the fever that made me feel like I would combust where I stood. But through the Advil and Tylenol, and the occassional chills that left me shivering like a dog out in the cold, the headache never really subsided.


The flights home were interesting... I woke up this morning feeling well. All seemed to be going good, until about 40 minutes into my first flight.. the fever returned, even worse. The air vent did nothing for me. I felt horrible. I staggered my way back to the bathroom as it seems like the world was closing in around me. I began to stubble.. I think I swatted some poor guy in the face, but I couldn't see the seats at my side...


I pushed the door open, stepped inside, locked the door...


...and the next thing I remember was trying to figure out where I was, realizing I was I was crumpled on the floor.


I pulled myself to my feet and staggered back out of the bathroom. I took a seat in the back of the plane.. I couldn't walk all the way back to my own seat. The attendant brought me a water and I sat just waiting for the flight to end... noticing I had a nice bruise and lump over my left eye.. must of hit something on the way down...


After some fluids and quick nap at the airline club in DC, I was ready to make the final leg home....


But.. was this the impending doom? Or was it something completely different?


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It hasn't passed...

15:50 Oct 24 2007
Times Read: 891


...it usually does. After days on the road, my life generally normalizes and I feel better about myself.. about the things I'm doing... about the situations that I face.


Probably because being on the road has me so far removed from most of those situation.. the feels and emotions that haunt me daily. I can bury myself in my work and think about things that will distract me, instead of tugging me in different directions.


But this week, it's a nagging I can't escape. I don't know why....


...I need to learn more about myself apparently.


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One of those Mondays...

18:43 Oct 22 2007
Times Read: 898


It’s another Monday morning.


First flight out at 6:00 AM. Uneventful. But I’ve been restless and uneasy all morning. I can’t define it. I can’t identify the source. I can’t shake it away. I couldn’t sleep it away.


What is it?


Why do I have such a feeling of dread this morning? Why does it feel like a foreboding gray cloud is looming over me?


I sit in the Charlotte airport, waiting on some breakfast. The waitress brings coffee… I’m trying to wake up.


But this just won’t go away…


…what does the rest of the day have planned for me this time?


Oh, and the Charlotte wireless network won’t let me on to VR again… this time it’s blocked as content: “Violence/Hate/Racism.”


They’ve obviously have never been here…


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The pilot looked like he was about 15...

17:45 Oct 19 2007
Times Read: 908


...I wondered if he was even allowed to drive a car, let alone fly a plane...


...sometimes my life is scary.


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The stuff I over-hear...

02:39 Oct 19 2007
Times Read: 918


A waitress at the restaurant I had dinner at was taking a "break", a.k.a. - sitting at the bar and hitting on a guy... and I hear her lamenting about a difficult table she once tended to...


Waitress: And then there was this table of 10 guys, and like, the only ordered two appetizers and the rest was drinks. They were doing shots and stuff, their bill was almost $130!


Me, thinking to myself...


$130? That's it? Etch and I have done that some nights with just the two of us! What a bunch of pansies...


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It was a three hour tour....

05:07 Oct 06 2007
Times Read: 936


... a three hour tour!


*insert thunder and lightning*


Why is it said, "thunder and lightning?" The lightning happens before the thunder... alphabetically, it's not even in the right order....


Anyway, it wasn't a three hour tour, it was a three and a half hour drive through Upstate New York. I would have rather been lost at sea, honestly. Holiday weekend.. road full of vacationing morons... speed traps every 30 feet...


Fun drive.


Not much point in me writing about it... it wasn't very exciting. Didn't see anything strange happen, didn't have any wacky and funny situations...


I just drove.. and drove.. and drove... and ate pizza.. and drove..


...oh, and I talked to Morri until my hand fell asleep from holding the phone... that was a fun chat, as always!


But the drive.. was.. lacking.. something...


..and yeah.. I know exactly what it was.



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No driving home tonight...

04:23 Oct 05 2007
Times Read: 943


...the job is just not going as planned.


When, "That's strange..." is the only thing the managing product engineer can say about what his product is doing, it's going to be a long, long effort.


So I get to spend another night in scenic Watertown, NY... oh, except this night I get to spend in a quality hotel... where the carpets have scary stains and the non-smoking rooms reek of smoke. Where the refrigerator in the room is left with it's door open and the decor is straight from 1973.


I should have just slept at the hospital I was working at...


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I have to remember...

08:09 Oct 03 2007
Times Read: 954


...not to drink coffee when driving late at night.


In theory it should wake me up for the drive... but it doesn't wake me up until after I've arrived and want to sleep.


FEH.


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