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cutexbutxpsycho's Journal


cutexbutxpsycho's Journal

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36 entries this month
 

06:10 Apr 30 2022
Times Read: 120


Screenshot-20220430-000947-Chrome

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05:38 Apr 29 2022
Times Read: 163


Heroes-in-Crisis-Harley

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19:09 Apr 28 2022
Times Read: 206


There's always that very brief, "But seriously, where are you going to wear this," moment before purchase...
That moment never sticks xD
But... I can't decide color.
Polish-20220428-125239301
I'm leaning towards the blueish-gray🖤
These are also necessary.
Polish-20220428-133401617
Because Wolfie calls me a Vixen. Now I just need a set that says Minx. I love when he calls me his little minx❤

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07:20 Apr 28 2022
Times Read: 244



Polish-20220428-003902701
Life goals xD
But seriously... He's always telling me all the potential he sees in me. He's really the only person who has ever seen any great potential in me. He tells me he sees me able to open my own art gallery. I don't think my doodles will quite get us there... But maybe if I can start painting in our apartment then maybe I could make something decent. There will be a lot to do after Wolfie gets back. A lot all at once. My best friend, and I are talking again, and I was telling him how I'm really getting my life together. Everyone keeps telling me how proud they are. But being proud of myself means more than anything💗

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02:28 Apr 28 2022
Times Read: 276


I got new Care Bear shit :3
20220427-135022
Because Wolfie is my Grumpy Bear, and I'm his Cheer Bear💙💗
Another reason I love pink and blue together.
I like this one a bit better than my Kuromi mini backpack because it has a front pocket. This is the last mini backpack, I swear, I'm not an addict xD
I sent this picture to Wolfie earlier today.
Screenshot-20220427-171738-Gallery
Anytime we're on video chat, my cat makes his way to my chest, and sits there with his dainty paws across me... Clearly, a display of dominance. Who's the real alpha here, biatch?
Of course, Wolfie can't blame him, they are quite comfortable xD
He says Kitty may be comfortable now, but Master will always get first bite❤

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xXSeductiveXLustXx
xXSeductiveXLustXx
04:02 Apr 28 2022

I love your cat





MistressofChains
MistressofChains
14:35 Apr 29 2022

yeah her cat is cute





 

04:09 Apr 26 2022
Times Read: 333


My new lovelies💗💙
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I'm not much a fan of the color blue unless it's with pink. I actually bought some blue hair dye over the weekend with the intention of doing a blue/pink dye job, but haven't gotten around to it yet. But I may just leave it. Love the shoes though, they're a perfect mix of girly, dainty yet also spikey. They're very me.
My boss found a horse for me. A Palomino... Which was always my dream horse as a little girl. He showed me a picture, and she's just gorgeous. Obviously, she's blonde. She's five years old, and they only want $700 for her which immediately begs the question, so what's wrong with her? The guy says she's trained, she's rideable, but she's still got some fire. So my boss is going to send his wife to check her out, make sure she's actually legit. But if I actually got her... The Universe is really going to do that to me, huh? I love my boyfriend, of course I always choose him, there are many horses out there, there is only one of him... But damn xD So I'm kinda hoping that falls through because as much as I'd love to have her, it would hard to leave her. And since Wolfie is really trying to leave Russia now I'm thinking the whole horse thing may just be a bad idea all around. I don't want my boss to go through all this trouble just for me to immediately leave. Wolfie probably still won't be back for awhile, but you never know, he could show up at any point now. Besides, he says he knows someone who owns horses in Austria who will let me see them, and Austria is just north of Slovenia. He's supposed to be going back to see his doctor this week, and he's feeling anxious about talking to him about certain relationship things such as sexual tastes xD I'm just like, he's a psychiatrist, I'm sure he's heard it all. I also encouraged him to show his doctor a picture of me because obviously I clearly look like I deserve to be tied up, dude will get it, but he did not like that plan at all xD I'm so shameless about our lifestyle, I just don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. If you've got your knickers in a twist over my sex life then it's pretty obvious that you ain't gettin it very good. But Wolfie is... more careful. He doesn't enjoy anyone thinking he's abusive, especially
having lived through severely traumatic abuse himself, which is unfortunately the conclusion that a lot of vanilla people jump to. So I don't blame him for not announcing it to the world what we do in our private life, but I don't ever want him to feel like what he does to me is wrong. Because we're in it together, it's a thing we both choose. He goes out of his way to make sure I always feel safe and comfortable, especially after, he's the furthest thing from abusive. But he's always worried he'll somehow end up like his mother. His mother wasn't always the abusive psychopath she eventually became, and he's worried some day that may happen to him, that he may just snap. I don't see it though. He's a very different person than her, much kinder, much gentler, much brighter. He does carry a very dark aura, but then he smiles, and he really shines💗

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06:23 Apr 24 2022
Times Read: 384


I spent hours today making waffles cones. Hand fucking rolling them to perfection. Because my boss... is not great at it xD His cones are good if you're ok with melted ice cream all over you because giant holes in the bottom of the cone. I've realized that my boss is 100% not dominant. I tell people all the time, he's really merely a figurehead, it's the ladies there that actually get shit done, and the best thing he can usually do is just stay out of the way. I do everything there, and I do everything better than everyone else so I don't know what they're going to do when I leave... But that won't be my problem. But my boss not being dominant just makes it even more hilarious when people ask me if we're married, like, he's so not my type. But I think the way I'm constantly giving him shit, I can see why people would think that. I call him Captain. Ya know... a bit of an unwitting, doofus of a captain, but he's still ours, bless him xD
My coworker said to me yesterday something about how I have quite a mouth on me. But that's how you know I'm comfortable with you, the more I insult you, the more I like you❤

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06:08 Apr 23 2022
Times Read: 427


It's great having Wolfie back. Not, back back, but regularly talking again. There are times he requires a lot of space. It's for my protection, to keep him from being cruel to me. Which sounds worse than it is. He tends to lash out when he's unstable. Not physically, but he gets very snappy. And he's most unstable when he doesn't have control. Control is very necessary for him, he needs it. It's not uncommon for children who are horrifically abused to need that control when they grow up because they couldn't control what was happening to them as children. His therapist also recommended he have contact therapy since it's hard for him having people touch him. I'd like to chat with this therapist, and be like, look... I try, I try hard, and every time I think I have him nailed down he takes off across the fucking planet. Believe me, I could also use a little contact therapy, you wanna know how long it's been since I've had sex? How long has he been gone? Like, seriously dude xD Wolfie isn't the only one who needs some physical contact. I've already made it very clear to him, once you're back, you're never leaving me behind again so be prepared for that. He's talking about blowing off Switzerland to come straight here. I already know, despite what he says, that he won't because it's his money there, and if there's a problem with his money then that will take priority. Hey, I knew who he was when I fell in love with him so I can't be mad. If he gets stuck in Switzerland THEN I'll be mad xD I wouldn't be surprised though. As long as he gets out of Russia, I'll feel better. He says things are fine there, but he's finally ready to go, and it's a whole thing. He said he went to three travel agencies, and they all basically told him he's fucked so he's still waiting to hear from some people. At least he's being much more communicative. Still depressed, but not quite as bad. And through it all I've held my shit together, I've kept myself emotionally stable. For the most part xD Usually I'm much more unstable without him, but I've kept it together this time, I'm proud of me. Wolfie is right, I am getting better. We both are💗

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QueenZombiee
QueenZombiee
00:02 Apr 27 2022

Well in Russia is pretty calm like they don't fight with Ukraine lol before few days one family member come back from Russia to Belgrade Serbia and he said that is pretty safe. Idk





 

21:23 Apr 22 2022
Times Read: 455


20220421-121458
When I go to leave for work, I look up on the balcony, and a fuzzy head is staring at me...
I love my cat❤

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06:43 Apr 22 2022
Times Read: 497


Polish-20220422-002458168
I saw them, and I immediately knew I had to have them~♡
I would also really like to find the rest of the set...
Polish-20220422-002520899
Unfortunately, 100% sold out. I found the dress version in a size M so I might grab it. It'd be a good outfit for my cousin's wedding next month. The dress I mean, not the two piece. I don't personally think being proud of your body makes you a skank, but... It's not really wedding appropriate. The dress would be fine though, it's very Spring. That means my diet is basically going to be lettuce til then xD I eat salad every day anyway, that's usually what I take to work to eat to keep me from scarfing down all the yummy things we make there. Fried green beans are like my favorite thing, but just because it's a veggie doesn't mean it's healthy, believe me I try to make that justification every day. And then there's all the candy, and ice cream, and I am 100% a sugar addict so it's probably the single worst place for me personally to work, but I also promised Wolfie not to eat too much sugar, and to be healthy so that keeps me pretty straight. Usually... If it's a particularly bad day like, I dunno, I have an ulcer on my eye, I might double down on a triple brownie sundae... With extra Butterfinger. But I'm good most of the time, I swear xD
I have a slight problem with impulse control... One of my many endearing qualities💗
Oh, these are gorgeous.
Polish-20220422-011208494
Not sure I wanna pay $300 for one... See, there goes my impulse control, barely hanging in there xD

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02:52 Apr 22 2022
Times Read: 531


Screenshot-20220421-202513-Chrome
I know I just got Kuromi... But it's Grumpy Bear so I had to💙
Wolfie seems to be pulling himself out of his funk, and that's really good because he's been pretty down since the end of February. He went to see a new psychiatrist today, and the guy told him he worries too much. I'm like, yeah, pretty much what I've been telling you for years, you don't need a degree to know that worries too much, and overstresses himself. I'm glad he tries though. Sometimes Wolfie refuses to try to get help, but he's been better about it the last couple years. He told him he thinks Wolfie has ptsd, another obvious thing I've been telling him for years. But Wolfie always says, "How can I have ptsd, I was never in a war." But trauma is trauma, and ptsd isn't limited to military trauma. Don't ever let anyone tell you your trauma isn't real. Unfortunately, he's had too many people do that to him so it's even more damage to reverse. But we're getting there, slowly. He still hasn't figured out a safe way to leave Russia, but he says he'll tell me first thing when he figures it out. It's been a rough couple of months emotionally. He also suggested for Wolfie to get a therapy animal. Well he has me xD But... that's not really something you can tell people, my girlfriend is my adorable kitten. And we are planning to get kitties if he would ever, for the love of god, settle his ass down. He's turning 30 this year, it's time. I know he's doing his best though. And my life is pretty great here so there's no big rush. I'm working tomorrow evening, and all day Saturday. I kinda hate working Saturdays, Fridays are usually better. It's funny, I look forward to my days off, but then I kinda miss it when I'm not at work xD Working 8-9 hours isn't so bad anymore, and my boss is actually thinking about taking me up on my advice to change the hours. Because right now we're open 11-8/9, but we always get slammed in the last hour, and we barely get anyone in the afternoon. So it makes sense to open later, and be open later. The problem with that is it takes even more time away from my boss being with his kids, so I told him I'd be willing to close if we hired someone else to be there when he leaves. But we'll see.
I got some new stuff today. My two new Kreeptures.
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My cat is less than thrilled with the new invaders in his space xD
And a new dress.
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It's kind of sad that out of like two large $400+ orders only these three things were for me. Everything else I bought is for resale. That's pretty much how it goes. I really should start downgrading again... These plushies are pretty big, I'm not sure I'll want to waste the space taking them with me when Wolfie gets back. And I have so much clothing, and my shoe collection has tripled at least. All within a couple months. Selling shit is easy, but getting as much as I want for everything takes time so it's not something I'll be able to do within the time he's here to the time we leave. That stresses me out more than anything xD Like, Aiyana, just stop buying things.
But... so much pretty stuff💗

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05:19 Apr 21 2022
Times Read: 596


So now Wolfie is considering driving out of Russia which is funny because when I mentioned it weeks ago he was pretty against the idea. I think he's realizing how nearly impossible it is to fly out right now. The few flights there are, are way overpriced, and sold out so he's talking to a friend of his who owns a spa in a neighboring country to the West, they're thinking about driving there together. It's a 12-16 hour drive, but it may be the only option. Trying to escape Russia is turning out to be a massive pain in the ass. If only Wolfie had a beautiful girlfriend, an oracle of sorts, who months ago could have predicted that going to Russia would bring him nothing but trouble... He never listens to me, and every time he never listens to me things turn out very, very badly. Yeah, his family has a lot of money, and property, it's good that the Russian government didn't manage to seize it, but at what cost? And now this stupid money is taking him to yet another country, keeping him away longer. And Wolfie says a flamethrower won't solve anything. But I think if it was a very big flamethrower... A very big flamethrower can solve a lot of problems.
If it were up to me I'd just give it away or blow it all, just fuckin get rid of it, but it's his "family legacy" and "grandpa left me in charge because I'm the only responsible one in my family." It's really sad that neither of his parents could handle it, they were completely bypassed, that just further goes to show you what fuckups those two are. But, despite them, Wolfie grew to be amazing, and he is very responsible, honestly, too responsible. Like sometimes he'll say to me, "I don't think I want to play video games anymore, Bun, it's just a waste of money." Yeah... But it makes us happy. So it's not a waste. If he wants to go live in some fuckin monastery with only minimum necessities then he can go for it, but that ain't for me. I need my clothes and my sugar and my video games xD I mean, when it comes to me he'll give me absolutely anything no questions asked, but he's really frugal when spending money on himself unless it's like for outward appearances.
He'll say, "Ok, bunny, I'm going to treat you to this really nice spa."
But... I want you to go with me.
"No, it's just for Bunny, special Bunny time."
But... you go with me... *bunny eyes*
"Haha, ok, but you know another woman may have to give me a massage there."
...I'm going alone.
That's pretty much how it goes xD Because worse than that is him watching another woman rub up on me, and I'm just not willing to go there for him yet xD Like I'm genuinely curious if he would actually share me... I know he would with another sub, especially if it was watching me Dom another sub. See the problem with that is while my beloved may be willing to share me with another woman(he says there are some things only women can do for other women), I absofuckinglutely will never share him so it's like, ok, what the fuck do we do with her after I'm done with her? She's gonna have to fuck off real quick. And if she even looks at him wrong she's going to tragically end up in a dark alley with broken arms and legs. And that's just a little rude. He says I have a very sadistic side. I dunno where the fuck he gets that idea from :3 Plus, no woman will ever live up to my standards. She'd have to be me to live up to them, and that's just not quite possible. And being dominant just seems boring to me. I love to be dominated, but me being in charge, I have no interest in that. I'm the one always trying to get him to join me in being free, wild and chaotic.
And then he never wants me to buy things for him. I'm just like, dude, it's the 21st century, if I wanna buy you a pork bun, I'm gonna buy you a pork bun, and you know you secretly like when I do those things for you xD
I could totally go for a pork bun now. Or like ten😐

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02:38 Apr 20 2022
Times Read: 641


2022-04-18-22-17-49
Both Melina and Ranni are missing an eye.
Eyes seem to be a very important theme in Elden Ring.
As well as two halves of a whole.
I'm really fascinated by the lore of this game. Usually when I'm bored at work my mind starts to wander, and it always wanders towards Elden Ring xD There are so many intriguing npcs that I just don't know enough about. Because of my eye I didn't really get to play much during my time off. And these next couple weeks I'm taking on a lot of work. My boss wants to do more stuff with his kids, and I feel bad that he misses out on so much so I'm trying to pick up as much as I can to help him see them more. He was wanting to take off half a day on Wednesday or Thursday to take them to the lake, but it's supposed to storm all week so probably not. Then he's got a daddy/daughter dance on Friday. I really don't want to work Friday, and Saturday, but I'll do it, it'll make up for the day I had off last week. Then again next weekend I'll be working Friday and Saturday while my coworker goes to a wedding. Which is fine because I have a wedding to go to next month so I'll need to switch Saturday for Friday. I don't understand having a Spring wedding, it's just not for me. So then my boss was telling some people today that he's still working on taking over the pizza place, and if he does then he wants me to be part owner. I'm just like, I never agreed to any of this xD Like, I'm still hoping my boyfriend makes it back eventually. If you think I won't instantly drop everything to go with him, you're extremely wrong. No hesitation. That's my alpha, if he says we go then we go. I appreciate my boss, but I feel like he puts too much into me. I've told him from the beginning how this would all eventually go down. Wolfie is still working on leaving Russia. He says maybe he can leave by train into Serbia. Then he needs to go to Switzerland. I guess the bank he moved the family money into is causing problems because he's Russian, and moving it from a Russian bank. So now he has to go handle that. I mean, he's spent most of his life in the US so it's like... And everyone treating Russians like they're terrible people, I'm just tired of it. Everything is suddenly a lot harder to do because of his Russian citizenship, and it's like, at this point he just wants to leave, get his bunny, and go live peacefully somewhere. Hopefully he'll have news of leaving soon. Sure, there are really terrible Russian people. And terrible Ukrainians. And terrible Americans. There's terrible everywhere. But Wolfie and I don't want to hurt anyone or cause problems for anyone. So I hope everything will be ok.

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captainglobehead
captainglobehead
22:20 Apr 20 2022

Really hoping everything works out for you both. And soon.





 

04:26 Apr 18 2022
Times Read: 697


Got my shoe charms on.
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Obviously, knife bunny is my favorite💗
Ever since Wolfie named me Bunny I've seen a lot of bunnies with knives :3
Like the Universe is trying to encourage me xD
He's been calling me Little Bunny and Bun a lot lately.
Which probably sounds really strange to people, why would you call your girlfriend your Bun xD
Hey, I'm a cinnamon Bun :3
It was predominantly Little Goddess and Little Queen there for awhile. Koroleva and Ananke. I love all of his little names for me. I think it's important to be named by the person you love💗

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03:45 Apr 18 2022
Times Read: 715


Polish-20220417-214456127
💗

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05:07 Apr 17 2022
Times Read: 752


It's been nice not having to go into work since Tuesday xD But I miss it too. I had to go by earlier today, and despite having three functional adults working there today, my boss has me doing things while I was there. But ya know, I don't mind. The owner was making me an Easter bag, and I told her, you know I'm 33 years old. If I want candy I'll steal it from my nieces and nephews.
"So you don't want your fuzzy chick and chocolate bunny?"
...
Give me my fuzzy chick, and my chocolate bunny...
And my carrot full of jelly beans :3
What? I'm a bunny ^^
Wolfie says I'm a sugar bunny💗
I feel bad though. My boss misses out on a lot of stuff with his kids. And if my eye hadn't fucked up then he could've went with them. Three eye doctors so far this year, and no one can tell me why my eye keeps doing this. To be fair, I was just talking to my mother about how awesome my life is, and I said to her, just wait, something terrible will happen now, the world won't simply allow me to enjoy my life... I mean, Wolfie being in Russia sucks, but he's a grown-ass man, he made those decisions, that's beyond my control, and as long as he's safe then I'm not really worried about it because there's absolutely nothing I can do. But me personally, things have been really good so naturally it makes sense that I would suddenly get hit with some bullshit. But the doctor did say it's already mostly healed so it's obviously not a deep ulcer or anything, it's healing well. That's one good thing about me, my immune system is weak so I do easily get sick, but I heal very quickly when things happen. I'd like it to stop happening before my fucking eye falls out, but ya know, whatever the world deems I deserve. At least it didn't fuck up my face this time. You can have my eye just don't take my perfect face xD
Last week was just a bad week. My eye, my bike fucked at, dumbass buyers trying to cheat the system for refunds. And then, after I graciously apologized for her being too big to fit in the skirt, she sends someone else to harass me. And I told them the same exact thing. Sorry your friend is too big to fit into the skirt xD Apparently that's rude, ya know, to be honest, but honestly rude would have been telling her to put down the cheetos for a week, and she may get her waist down to size. I didn't say that. People are so ridiculously sensitive. And I don't fucking care how big or small a person is, that's none of my business, I'm obviously not stick thin, Wolfie will tell you how curvy I am, and how much he thoroughly enjoys it. But lying to yourself about your size, and then blaming me when the thing you buy from me is too small for you, like... You're wasting my time, you're fucking with my money, accept your size. I've got a vacation coming up in June though so I actually need to go swimsuit shopping so I need to be more mindful of my eating til then. With how much I'm on my feet at work I don't really worry about exercising, but since I work in an ice cream parlour it's also way too easy to eat there every day so I need to get a better grip on that. The good thing is that I'm pretty tired of ice cream at this point xD Just like smelling it all day, I can't eat it anymore. Hopefully this next week will be better. My eye is fine, my bike is fixed, Wolfie is still stuck, but he's ok, positivity💗
maxresdefault-2
This is what my eye makes me think of xD
Every time they poke around in it I'm afraid they'll release some cosmic horror... If there's no physical reason my left eye is fucking up then maybe it's cosmic. The left eye is apparently symbolic of the moon, and both times have happened a couple days before the full moon. Spooky🖤

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01:09 Apr 15 2022
Times Read: 803


My eye is fucked again. Luckily, this time I got into the eye doctor right away. Yep, it's another ulcer. They told me it's probably due to my weakened immune system that it's happening. I feel bad because I have to go back to the eye doctor tomorrow so of course I need to leave work early, but my boss has Easter plans for tomorrow so that kinda fucks things up for him. Maybe. They do have a couple people they can try to call in so hopefully someone can do it. That's the problem with having someone irreplaceable, sometimes shit comes up, and I just can't be there. But the owner gave me tomorrow completely off to rest so I don't have to be back in til Monday. My nieces, and nephews have already heard I'm off tomorrow so they're on their way over xD Some rest... But ya know, I love having them here. I bought three extra controllers for my Switch so we should be good depending on how many are actually coming here. Three for sure, maybe one more. I knew yesterday that my eye was bad, I had discomfort all day in it, and then when I woke up this morning it looked pretty bad. Hopefully this one heals as quickly as the last one, and it's not a virus this time so the medication was a lot cheaper. The worst part is the searing pain when it's exposed to sunlight, like a hot knife right through my eyeball. And then I get some bullshit return approved on a skirt I sold. Didn't ask if it was stretchy, wants to return because it's not stretchy. Like, why wouldn't you ask BEFORE you buy it, dumbass? Sorry it won't stretch over your huge ass, that's clearly my problem. It's only $30, and I could have probably sold it for twice that much, but I was trying to be fucking nice. The lesson is, never ever be nice xD Especially when it comes to business. I don't mind returns for legitimate reasons, it's not like it costs me anything to take my item back, it just annoys me when it's obviously dumbass buyer error, something that could have easily been avoided if they had taken 30 seconds to ask me about the thing they were buying. If I'm not sure something will fit, I ask. It's always, ALWAYS the bigger ladies who give me these fuckin problems. If you're big just own it, it's fine, stop trying to fit your 3XL waist in a L skirt. Not even being mean, just reality here, stop doing that. I don't try to fit my fat ass into an XS, because that's reality xD

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00:52 Apr 14 2022
Times Read: 846


Screenshot-20220413-181124-Chrome
When the Universe releases something obviously specifically just for you💗
They also released a red two-headed dragon that I also needed... Even though I already have the green, I like the red better. And if they ever make a pink then that'll definitely be my favorite.
I'm having trouble deciding on what skin/cover to get my Switch... I'm leaning towards Kirby because Kirby is my Smash character, I have never lost a match playing him. And ya know, he's an adorable lil chubby pink gumball who loves to eat. I can relate that xD
I really like this one.
Screenshot-20220413-014647-Ali-Express
Cute, spooky, literally says Bunny... But it's not for the OLED. So maybe Sailor Moon or Hello Kitty or Kuromi. My mini Kuromi backpack is perfect for carrying my Switch, my Skeletor mini backpack is a little too mini.
I love my Switch though, I can't believe I let Wolfie convince me I didn't need one for so long, I may never listen to him again xD

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03:19 Apr 13 2022
Times Read: 898


My Switch made it safely to my door
2022-04-12-21-09-57
Now, naturally, the first thing to do is show Wolfie especially since he told me I didn't need one xD Wolfieeee, loooook ^^ See, that's a major difference between my beloved and I. I feel, money should be spent. Yes, you should have savings. I have that. I have quite decent savings. But I also know how to spend money to have FUN. Wolfie... Is not great at that. He is entirely too driven to save everything, and it's good to save, but you also gotta live a little. So when he eventually gets back, and we move, it's going to be one of my goals in life to get him to have fun, to let loose more. Because he is fun, he's amazing, but it's like he gets afraid to be himself. It's not that he's stuffy, it's more like he can't stand humanity xD So he tends to go out as little as possible. But we're going to change that. Big changes.
My boss is on top of the horse thing. He's really trying for the two paints his neighbor owns. They're really gorgeous, they've got white faces so he says he's going to rename his Skeletor xD I'll have to properly meet mine before I decide on a name. He also has a saddle he's willing to sell me so everything is in place, he's just waiting to hear back on price.
Work kinda sucked today. My bike was already having a battery problem so I couldn't ride it to work. Fortunately, I have a brother-in-law and grandfather who are mechanics so it's fixed already, should be good to go on Friday. I probably won't be leaving the house til then. I really, really want to finish Elden Ring before I even open up the new system. That probably won't happen xD I'm definitely taking my sweet time on Elden Ring, but ya know, it's a big world, and I don't actually have that much time to play. But I've got the next two days off solid so maybe I'll get it finished before the weekend. I also got paid today with a pretty decent sized check.
And here are my horns, and knife bunny shoe charms :3
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So right now, in this moment, life is pretty good💗

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05:36 Apr 12 2022
Times Read: 960


I felt terrible when I left work.
I was there an hour over again. People who come in five minutes before close, and order food should really face public execution... Like, if you just want an ice cream, that's fine. But making me make you food when I've just cleaned up, and am headed out the door... Absolutely no consideration. My boss did tell me I could leave after they had ordered everything, but I wasn't going to just leave him there to do it all alone. But for whatever reason during that extra hour, I started to feel really sick. I got everything done, but once I got home ai went straight to my bed, and passed out...
And then about an hour later I was sitting up, watching YouTube, and eating a macaroni cup xD It's weird because it wasn't a super busy day, we were just really busy in that last hour. We always are, it's like when people know we're about to close they all rush in. So I dunno, but I feel fine now, guess I just needed a little rest. Sometimes I forget that my body isn't like other people's, I probably push myself too hard, but I seriously wasn't going to just ditch my boss especially considering everything he does for me. His wife is really excited about me getting a horse though, she's happy that they'll have someone to go ride the trails with, and they're gonna bring their kids too. It's interesting that they can't find anyone to ride with, they're out in the middle of farmland, their neighbors have horses, but I guess no one really rides. He's still waiting to hear from some people, he's trying to find a couple locally if he can, and he wants to find two from the same place so we can get them together, but apparently horse prices are a bit high right now. I'm fine with that if it's decent, I've got all this money anyway. One of his neighbors is selling two paints so he's hoping to just buy them off of her. He's also hoping the horse he has now is going to get better. He said that if you're light enough then it's not a big deal to ride him, but my boss is a big guy. Not like overweight, he's just structurally a big dude so with his horse's knee being swollen he doesn't want to ride him, and possibly make it worse. They're doing everything trying to make it better though. But if he doesn't get better he's just going to let him live out his life there on their farm. But he wants another that he can properly ride so the family can go ride some trails. His nephew is begging him to let him keep a horse on their farm too xD Which is funny because he's been begging for months, and all I did was casually say, "I want a horse," and he immediately got to work to make it happen. But his nephew is also only 15, and he wants a wild horse that he can train himself. Yeah... Good luck with that, bud. I don't want mine to be dead-broke with absolutely zero spirit or personality, but I want it to be rideable. It's really exciting though, I've always had a connection with horses ever since I was a kid, and I really didn't think I'd ever get to have one again because... Wolfie likes the city. Sure, you can board them places close to the city, and when we move I'd like to look into it since we both love them, but it'll be nice having one again :3
I'm happy. I'm excited. Life is good❤
I was telling my boss though... You know that as soon as we get all this settled, that's the exact moment my boyfriend will decide to suddenly, finally show up xD Because that's the way the world likes to fuck me. I want him back more than anything, and if I knew he was coming back soon then I wouldn't be doing this, but... Wolfie says, "Hopefully in another 3 weeks..." Which translates to probably, maybe next year. I would be ecstatic if he was here in a couple weeks, but... Wolfie is Wolfie.
I was kinda hoping I was sick too so I could stay home tomorrow, and play around with my Switch xD Oh well. I honestly need to finish Elden Ring before I go into anything else. I've been making slow progress when I have time go play. I just don't have 15 hours free at a time to sit on my ass anymore, and plow through a game. I do feel like I'm close to the end though. I just met with the Three Fingers, and inherited the Frenzy Flame which is pretty badass. I knew I didn't want to become Elden Lord, Lord of Chaos is much more me❤

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05:01 Apr 11 2022
Times Read: 991


It's going to be a long week. Last week was pretty long, and very busy, but this week will be even worse because I'm supposed to be working both Friday and Saturday since my boss, and his wife have Easter plans. They had talked about being closed on Saturday, but apparently they feel like they should get to fuck off for the weekend while I stay and work. But that's fine, I'm really enjoying my big paychecks. I have more cookies to do this week though. I love doing the cookies, but it takes so long. I just finished the last batch on Saturday. But tomorrow I'm supposed to be working on Easter Bunny heads so that'll be fun. My boss was texting me as soon as I woke up about this horse thing xD I'm just like, dude... It doesn't really matter what kinda horse it is, just find me a nice one at a decent price that you think will get along with your horses, and we'll be good. So he's asking his neighbors. He said there's a really gorgeous paint with blue eyes that one of his neighbors is selling, but he needed to ask about the price. And since my boss only lives like 5 miles away it'll be easy to ride there on my days off, and help his wife take care of all the horses. Wolfie really loves horses too so I'm hoping that when he gets back I can take him out there riding though he says he hasn't been on one in awhile. Wolfie misses out on a lot because of work... It makes me sad that he doesn't really get to enjoy doing anything or at least he hasn't in awhile. But he's talking about taking a year off after he gets here to spend more time with my family, get us moved, do things together after we're settled. I would love that, that would be worth giving up the rest of my life for, to actually get the time of the man I love instead of living in the tiny spaces between his work. He claims that's why he's been gone so long trying to get everything set up, and ready so he can finally have time for me. Wolfie, and his grand plans, they never quite seem to work out like he wants. But he says everything is in place so it's just a matter of getting back. We'll see though. I haven't heard from him since Friday when he told me he was waiting to hear back from some contacts on leaving Russia. It may take some time to work out. I'm hopeful though❤

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03:38 Apr 10 2022
Times Read: 1,057


My boss went to the local horse auction this morning, and when he got to work I told him, hey... I want a horse xD
So he was like, cool, you can keep it on my farm.
So now I'm seriously considering it. Because I love horses, I used to have some when I was younger, but then we moved into town so I had to give them up. But he said he'd be fine with me keeping one at their place, and he said he wouldn't charge me for boarding or anything, I'd just have to pay medical expenses, and help pay for feed. Because they already have several there, and my boss is actually looking for a new horse for himself because his has a bad knee, and can't be ridden anymore. So immediately after I told him I was looking he called like three people trying to find me one, and told me if he finds anything good we can go look tomorrow. So exciting ^^
Yeah... Of course, that's one more thing I'll be giving up when Wolfie gets back. I can just imagine the look on his face when I show him xD But I have to live my life. I've given him so much time to get back, and I do genuinely hope he's finally going to make it back soon, but I'm constantly putting things on hold or not doing them at all because, "Well, I'm waiting for my boyfriend..." But it won't be a big deal leaving it with my boss when the time comes, he and his wife both love horses so when I do have to leave eventually it'll be fine. I've been doing a lot for myself lately, I need to revolve more of my life around me because I feel like it's always about someone else, and I need things for myself too. I need things beyond a single person that make me happy. Wolfie makes me the happiest, he is the most important thing in my life. But I need to be about me too. I appreciate everything he's trying to build for us, I trust him, I know he has genuine intentions. But I can't keep denying myself a life waiting for him. When he gets back, we'll handle everything. Til then, I'm doing me. And it feels pretty good❤
I mean, let's just look at it like this... Wolfie was supposed to be back last Summer. He went to Europe instead. Then he was supposed to be back around October. Went to Russia instead. He did have good reason, but still. And I absolutely do not expect him to come here when he finally leaves Russia. If I had to bet a million dollars... I'd say he's probably going to go back to Slovenia for at least a few months. Because it'll be, "But Bunny, I need to make sure the apartment is ready for us." And I get it. Once he comes back to get me, that's it, I'm stuck to him forever. He knows it xD He knows that as soon as he's back his bachelor lifestyle is over so I'm allowing him to enjoy it... while he can. Us moving in together is a huge deal. He's spent so much of his life alone, and even though he has become much more emotionally, and mentally stable, there's still a lot to deal with, and he's afraid that of we spend an over extended amount of time together in person then eventually I'll abandon him. A few weeks at a time is one thing, but actually living together is bigger so he's a bit scared. But ya know, it'll be fine. I handle him well. I'm really the only person who can handle him. And he's the only man who can handle me. So it works out :3

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01:10 Apr 09 2022
Times Read: 1,100


I took my parents out to dinner tonight. They didn't know I was taking them out, you gotta be fast to pay before my dad does. It's nice to be able to have whatever I want, do whatever I want. Got good news from Wolfie this morning too. Well, sorta... He said that he's finally done with everything in Russia. His money is safe, his property is safe, his assets are safe, the family money is safe, it's all good. So he's finally feeling comfortable with leaving. But. Traveling in, and out of Russia right now is not safe so he's working on what will be the best way to leave. One great thing about Wolfie is that he knows people everywhere, and everyone always owes him. He has a friend in Turkey who supposedly can help him leave, he's waiting to hear from him. Then he knows someone in China who can possibly help through there. I dunno, I told him if it's not safe to leave then I'm ok with him staying put for awhile, but then I also worry that if things there get worse he may be stuck there for months, years even. So I want him to get out if there's a good opportunity to do so, but I'm really worried about his safety. His mental health there is not doing great so longterm it's not best for him to stay. And obviously I want him within arms reach again. He was talking about how fucked up Europe is right now so I told him, here's a novel idea, just come back to the US, we could just stay here.
"You know I can't stand the US."
He can't stand anywhere though xD Like, he can't stand to stand still, and I need him to stand still long enough for me to hold him. I told him, enough planning for the future, you need to live in the present with me. This world is so fucked, who knows how much longer any of us have, I'd like to spend what time there is left together.
Of course, once he's back that'll mean quitting my job, selling off most of my stuff, giving up the entire rest of my life. I love him enough to do that without hesitation, of course. Honestly, despite all this, I don't expect him to be back soon. I would legitimately be shocked if he made it back within this year. No offense to the man I love, but I know him, and I know how slowly he moves on things. He's not like me, he's extremely methodical, he's an overthinker. I act on impulse. Which... probably gets me in more trouble than it's worth, but it's much more fun than considering things forever. Sometimes you just have to do, and see what happens. But I do want him to be safe so I don't mind him taking his time. And I'll just keep on carrying on❤

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captainglobehead
captainglobehead
23:18 Apr 09 2022

Your loyalty and commitment to this long-distance, long-term relationship is admirable and enviable.





 

18:59 Apr 08 2022
Times Read: 1,131


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He's speakin' my language❤

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23:43 Apr 07 2022
Times Read: 1,179


I finally bit the bullet, and ordered myself a Switch💗
Wolfie says that Switch is for peasants xD But he's like a hard-core PC gamer. Although he did own a PS4 when we first met so...
But. The kids are here every weekend, and Summer is approaching which means they'll be here... Like every fucking day. Since both my sisters live within a few blocks of me they tend to bounce in a pack from one house to another, here more than anywhere else, elsewhere when I have to work. We've been playing a lot of Minecraft on my old PS3, but she's gettin way old, and a little bit crashy, and the selection of couch co-op games is extremely limited on Playstation so I went ahead, and bought one along with an extra joy-con. Now I just need to figure out games. Obviously, I've raised these kids on SNES Kart and N64 Smash so getting the super modern versions will be interesting. Yes, I still have my SNES and N64 from my childhood. I have every console I've ever owned in working condition except for the original Xbox and 360 which died years ago. That says a lot about Xbox being garbage, in my opinion, and that's why I haven't bought one beyond the 360. In fact, I was given an Xbox One a few months ago, and I have never actually played it xD My nephews use it for Fortnite, that's about it. Playstation has always been the reliable choice with Nintendo following close behind. I was tempted to buy a PS5 just to have one, I was looking them over, but... Elden Ring looks perfect on PS4, and I haven't seen anything exclusive to the 5 that demands I purchase one yet. When Bloodborne 2 comes out then call me, but otherwise it's not necessary yet. A Switch really isn't necessary either, I just really enjoy playing games with my nieces, and nephews, and I have no idea when Wolfie is going to be back, and nostalgia because I grew up on Nintendo so I finally did it :3 It should be here by next Tuesday/Wednesday hopefully❤

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05:13 Apr 07 2022
Times Read: 1,218


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He was awfully proud of his catch this time...
He came trotting right up to me as I was about to head off to work, "Look, Ma, I caught dinner."
Yes, darling❤
Now get rid of it xD
When I rejected his gift he sat on the porch, and meowed very loudly until I came back outside, and praised him. He refused to go unacknowledged for his accomplishment. He brings me snakes every Spring, usually several. Such a smart, capable kitty❤

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captainglobehead
captainglobehead
20:13 Apr 07 2022

You're well-loved





 

01:06 Apr 07 2022
Times Read: 1,241


My new Kuromi mini backpack😈
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Annnnd psycho bunny things💗🔪
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It's been a long three days. Work has been really busy which is great, but it leaves me pretty exhausted. My boss actually made it back on time today so I did get to leave at 5 instead of 8. Now I get two solid days to do absolutely nothing... But play my game❤

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03:51 Apr 06 2022
Times Read: 1,332


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I love it when I wake up, and I go to message Wolfie on discord, and I see he's already writing a message to me.
He's been under a tremendous amount of stress, and I wish I could help him. I guess the Russian government tried to take everything he has there. They basically told him that despite being born there, and while legally technically being a citizen, they tried to say that because he's lived outside of Russia most of his life that he wasn't allowed to own the property he has there. Even though he's owned it for years with no problems... Suddenly they wanted to take it. Even though he doesn't live there, and he's not planning on staying, he rents those places out so it's more income that he'd rather not lose. So he fought them on it, and won which is surprising. He agrees that the Russian government is super corrupt. He says it's less so than it used to be, but all government is corrupt on some level. At this point he says he's ready to give up his Russian citizenship which I don't want him to have to do, but it would probably would be the better option for both of us. He said to me, "Most importantly the money is safe." I'm just like... Dude, fuck the money xD Like I get it, but I'm worried about him, not his finances. I get why he's been so unstable though, I can't imagine dealing with all that shit. My biggest thing is usually people walking in, and ordering 20 things five minutes before close. Like, are you for real😐 Because at that point I have everything cleaned up, I'm walking out the door... So I didn't get home til like an hour after I was supposed to. But hey, an hour overtime. I'm working tomorrow, but it's not supposed to be a full shift, just til my boss gets back from getting his license renewed. So probably most of the day xD But I have my cookies to finish.
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I wasn't joking about my pink bunny army💗
I thought the little bow collars were an especially nice personal touch...

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04:09 Apr 05 2022
Times Read: 1,377


What a day... Not necessarily a long day. Honestly, it went by pretty quickly. Those last two hours at work I was flying, we were so busy. My boss tends to panic, like when we have a line out the door he gets very panicky. I totally had it. If you walk into a restaurant, and see a line to the door then you know you're in for a little bit of a wait. He gets super overwhelmed when people have to wait, but it's like, you make that choice when you come in 30 minutes before close, and see a huge line. We're not fast food, everything is made to order, it takes time. When people get huffy about having to wait, I'm just like, ok, bye, I seriously don't have time for that xD And my boss getting panicked just makes it worse. One thing at a time, dude, it's fine. And now I have to work Wednesday which is fine because an extra days means a bigger paycheck which means more pretty shoes... I was doing so well back in December/January too, I was clearing out so much stuff, and now I've regressed back to having even more than when I started. So... I mean, Wolfie said we could take whatever I wanted to. He hasn't seen my closet in awhile though, he doesn't know how much it's grown xD Sometimes when he video calls me I'll show him a few things, but he doesn't understand the extent of it. I was so ready to go too before this whole Russia bullshit boiled over, I swear they did it just to inconvenience me, yes, I'm that self-centered. But since I'm working tomorrow, and Wednesday I get to make bunny cookies ^^ Technically, I'm supposed to also make eggs, and ducks for Easter, but we all know it's gonna be like three eggs with an army of little pink bunnies. It usually takes me a couple days to cut, bake, and decorate them so working Wednesday is actually perfect, it means I don't have to rush. I'm kinda bummed I don't have more time to play my game though, I was finally making decent progress. I'm just the type of gamer that never follows the story straight through, if there's stuff to explore, I explore every inch of it. So it takes me awhile usually to get through a good RPG. That's usually the thing about FromSoftware though, their games are pretty straightforward in terms of progression. So having this huge Dark Soulsy world to explore is amazing, but it's a lot. Bloodborne is still my favorite though, much as I am enjoying Elden Ring you just can't do better than Bloodborne unless... You made a huge open world Bloodborne game. That's like, my dream. It's hard to choose between Dark Souls, and Bloodborne, but it just slightly edges it out. I'm just not getting of the story from Elden Ring, I'm not getting a good grasp on what the fuck is going on. And it's very typical for FS to have extremely obscure lore in their games, it's kind of their thing. But with the world being so big I feel like things are a little too far spaced out. Like the Frenzy Flame, the madness, what is it, where did it come from, why is it happening? I'm very intrigued by it, no idea what it is other than a big fire eye that causes people to go crazy. It's probably going to take a few more playthroughs, and some heavy investigation, hours of reading lore theories xD For some reason the very brief thought entered my head about Marika and Gwynevere being related somehow. You find a healing spell in Marika's bedchamber which when used heals a large amount of HP for the caster, and nearby allies. Which sounds suspiciously like a certain miracle from the Princess of Sunlight...
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That, and the fact that Gwynevere tends to fuck off then reappear as Queen on a regular basis. They never said what happened to her in Dark Souls 3, it just says she quietly disappeared... Some people think she became Rosaria, but I don't think that was ever proven. I think the best evidence from that was when you retrieve Rosaria's soul after she's murdered you can use it to make Bountiful Sunlight:
Polish-20220404-222324010
Which is basically DS3 version of Soothing Sunlight. But you don't get Soothing Sunlight from Gwynevere directly, you get it from one of her maidens. So was Rosaria a maiden of Gwynevere? It's all extremely intriguing, and I'm sure I'm not the only one whose mind immediately jumped there after finding what was specifically in the Queen's Bedchamber. No matter what they say, I refuse to believe that Elden Ring is separated from Dark Souls, I just can't in my heart see them as completely separate, they're too similar, there are too many coincides. Either that or the devs are just 100% lazy fucks.
It's hard to believe I have an actual life after going on like that about a game xD You can totally be a responsible adult while simultaneously a huge fuckin nerd❤
Here's the greatest advice I can give anyone who wants to catch my interest: Talk to me about Dark Souls xD

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03:00 Apr 04 2022
Times Read: 1,424


Alright. Godfrey, dead. Morgott, dead in one try. It was close though, we were both on our last hit, and I was just slightly faster. Of course, I died immediately after killing him to an AOE attack he put down right before I hit him xD Godfrey was a little more annoying, he kept killing me in two hits so it took a few tries. I wouldn't say he's a difficult boss, he just hits so hard. My progress through this game has been very leisurely. Some days I just don't feel like playing, but then some I can play for 15 hours without realizing it. It just depends on my anxiety level. Things have been really good lately though. Wolfie wasn't feeling good today, and I do worry a lot about his health because of his blood disease, but he says he's stable for the most part. He, and I both have these terrible health conditions that you would never know just from looking at us, it's all fucked up on the inside. I told him not to worry, everything is good here, I'm handling myself well. I work tomorrow, Tuesday, and Saturday this week so I'll have plenty of free time on my three days off.
My boss's mom always asks me to text her when I get home so she knows I get there safe since it's dark by the time I leave work. She asked if I needed a gun to take home with me since they have like several around the shop. Yeahhh, I think we can all agree that giving me a gun is a very bad idea... My boss tells me to text him too, but I never do xD So on Friday when I got home his mom was telling me that he was complaining that I didn't also text him. And I don't because I know she'll tell him I'm fine. But I told her to tell him to stop being such a hooker, and his wife said, "It's hooker-face, tell him to stop being a hooker-face." See, this is why I love my job, and the people I work for xD Because I can say things like that, and it's just perfectly normal💗

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23:25 Apr 03 2022
Times Read: 1,446


Thaaaaanks, my boyfriend thinks I'm pretty hot too😘❤❤❤
I always graciously accept a compliment... But it's like, is that all you wanted? To state the fuckin obvious? You got nothing else?
I always wonder where guys expect a statement like that to lead... Omg, you think I'm hot?! You?! Well let me just drop my fuckin panties for you, completely random dude, I'm happy to reward your minimal effort.
Like, what?
Even if I didn't have a boyfriend, and it's pretty fuckin obvious to anyone who isn't a complete dumbass that I do, even if I didn't I definitely wouldn't be interested in some rando with no profile pic who can't have an actual conversation beyond, "Yur sew hooot."
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And I know that sounds hypocritical coming from someone who's pictures are all like piece of ass pictures xD Like, I get it, I don't mean for it to be as mean, and bitchy as it sounds. This is me trying to help you. That shit works on insecure, desperate bitches, they will eat it up all day long. Actual women like me, we're not so easily impressed. So stick to what you can get or bump it up a notch. Again, not for me, but maybe the next poor woman you try to verbally grope, please for her sake...

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05:28 Apr 03 2022
Times Read: 1,481


Screenshot-20220402-232717-Gallery
💗

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JohnKnox666
JohnKnox666
16:26 Apr 03 2022

what's up?





 

04:20 Apr 02 2022
Times Read: 1,513


I love coming home to beautiful new pink things💗
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Beauty-Plus-20220401220532723-save
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It's like goth girl + Barbie Dreamhouse xD

And then there's this gorgeous dress.
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It's so goddess of Spring.
Lore Olympus is supposed to start back up this month. Which makes me love this dress even more, pink + blue + butterflies. It's kinda perfect💗💙

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01:25 Apr 02 2022
Times Read: 1,540


Polish-20220401-192338781
I love my cat :3
He's just like, perfect little fuzzy happiness❤

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06:31 Apr 01 2022
Times Read: 1,441


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🐺🐰❤

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06:17 Apr 01 2022
Times Read: 1,463


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I'm pretty hard on my ex. He deserves it. But honestly, I don't know who the fuck he is, and looking back on it I never knew who the fuck he was. I could not tell you one single redeeming characteristic about him. Like, when I think about Wolfie, we've spent a tremendous amount of time together, much, much, much more time face-to-face than I ever spent with my ex. I feel like I know who Wolfie is, I trust who he is, he's genuine with me, I know why I love him. I have absolutely no idea why I ever thought I was in love with my ex. If I had to psychoanalyse myself... I'd say, I met my ex at a very emotionally bad time in my life, and for the first few weeks after we met he just showered me with attention. He made me feel important, safe, loved. I got attached. Unfortunately, after that first few weeks he would then spend the next few years treating me like garbage, and things would end in possibly the worst betrayal known to mankind. And then he would go on to blame me for the horrible things he did to me. It was my fault. Because I was the one who was untrustworthy, because I was the one who he felt couldn't commit, oh, and my favorite, went on to blame my health condition. So that's the person my ex is in my experience: a fake, a coward, a liar, a user, a cheater, an all around asshat, literal hat of ass. And every several months he'll reach out to me, several years now he's been doing this, and it's never, "Hey, I was worried about you,," or, "I can't stop thinking about you," or, "I'm still in love with you, please just talk to me." No, no, no, the first thing he says to me, every fucking time he rears his ugly head, is something hateful about my boyfriend. Someone he's never met, doesn't know anything about, has had zero contact with, oh, but let's talk shit like a 15 year old boy. Like, I just... I'm too old for this shit. I'm too fucking classy for this. If he's bored in his marriage... Get a sex toy. I can recommend some, a Sybian will change your life. But if you've got something to say then just fucking say it, otherwise I'm not interested in your boring, idle fucking chit-chat. I think that's why I leave him unblocked, I'm curious if he'll ever say something genuine or interesting enough that makes me want to speak to him again, and it just doesn't really happen. And that's fine. If you want my attention then fucking do something worthy of it. Otherwise, kick fucking rocks.

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