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You came back into my life when I needed it the most. You always seemed to know when I was about to hit rock bottom. I had loved you for years, but the circumstances of life would be that I felt I should keep that hidden. You knew that I was a mess, a broken shell of what I was. You were my best friend for 17 years, and the person you knew was almost completely gone. You came, you visited, we caught up, you left like you had previous times before, but something was different this time you came back, and you looked me in the eye and promised you were never leaving. There was something in your eyes something I can not describe that gave me the hope I so desperately at the time needed. You were not in the best place yourself at the time, but you put your problems aside to help me with mine. Together we helped each other. You showed me I was beautiful, not with your words but with your eyes, you showed me that I could laugh at silliness again, and that life is what you make of it. All the time however I felt in the back of my head you would eventually pack up in leave.... but you haven't. You have seen me through my crazy spats, the times when I just start crying thinking that I am not good enough for anyone, and that I am a failure. You showed me that even on my worst day you seen the best in me and I love you for that. I have lots to overcome still, but you are there for each hurdle by my side, and I love you unconditionally. I honestly did not know how beautiful I was to you until the other night the expression on your face and in your eyes were more than words could ever say. I love you.

Everybody craves some type of attention. People mostly want good reactions and compliments, but when those seam to be empty and not sincere especially from the one you love with all your heart and soul the mind has a way of making that person lash out. Saying you look pretty, or you did a good job in words does not mean too much if said on a daily basis with no emotion behind it. Body language tells a person so much more. The expressions I seen let me to believe he was just going through the emotions, or felt obligated to try to encourage his wife. I started lashing out as a spoiled child trying to get her way. I would get mad over the stupidest things to get a negative reaction, cause that is better than no reaction at all. I tried changing my looks, fail, I tried spicing things up, fail, I tried and tried and tried until I was broken and did not know what to do. So I did my own thing and wanted everything my way, because if you did not have an opinion why should you care. I would stay out late shopping, sleep on the couch, totally avoiding any contact as much as possible, and still nothing to show you were missing me. I felt that I could of completely disappeared and you would of never of noticed I was gone except for the appointments for the boys. I became a shell of my former self, I no longer laughed or goofed off, I took everything seriously, I quit working on the house because it is no fun to be the only one to appreciate it. I would honestly say at one point in time I wished for death, because it would of been easier than being treated the way I felt I was being treated. I felt as I was a office assistant to make appointments, and someone to keep a bed warm at night with a wham bam thank you mam. I learned in that time to fake many things but I never truely learned to fake happiness.... Then someone from the past reappeared......