The only time I have been more proud of my brother was when he had graduated from boot camp with the Marine Corps. Today, though, today is on par with that. I got to watch him lead in his entire class at the Sheriffs Academy, he is honor recruit. And now, now he's reached his dream. Friday it becomes official with his graduation.
I'm loving this, I really am. Tomorrow I get to go vampire and take blood for the first time. It's going to be fun. Today is Kevin's family day at the Academy, so I'm heading out there now. I was afraid I wasn't going to make it, but class ended early enough for me to join in on the fun. Friday is his graduation, and Saturday we're having a big party for him at my aunt Sue's house. This week had started off rough for me, but things are only getting better with each new day. It's put me in a good mindset, I'm pretty optimistic about things.
I've been doing a lot of talking with Chris' best friend, Nathan, lately and he's made me understand a few things about Chris that I didn't realize before. I was losing him. I was trying so hard to hold onto what we once had, trying to hold on to him. But I never really took into account how he felt about things, and so, the more I tried to hold onto him, the farther away he was trying to push me. He may care, he may even still love me in his own way, but the fact is, we're not going back to what we had. Not now, and not likely ever. I'm not happy with that, but I understand that's just how things are. I've done a lot to fuck up our relationship, and because of my inability to let go I nearly lost him all together. So, we're going back to the beginning. Back before feelings became an issue, back before it was anything more than that easy friendship we had. This is the only way I'll be able to keep him in my life. And, yeah, it hurts. It hurts a hell of a lot. But, the pain will go away in time. These feelings will fade. They have to. I have no other choice, really. It's take this or nothing at all. And, he means too much for me to have him walk away completely. This will probably be for the best. Nathan says to just give it time, to just be his friend, nothing more. I can only hope he knows what he's talking about.
Picked up my scrubs today, and paid off the fees for school. I'm so ready for Wednesday!
Sometimes I think that I really miss this place. Then I look at the journals and, nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope. This place never changes, and I'm beginning to think that's not a good thing. Or maybe it's just the people who never change. Meh.
I took the first real step towards creating a decent future for myself today. I'm looking forward to this.
He was supposed to have yesterday and today off, but he got called in. And it ruined our plans. I miss him. I miss being able to spend time with him, being able to talk, watch shows, and game with him. I'm glad he's working and picking up the hours, but I hate that it takes him away from me. We haven't spoken, actually spoken to each other since last Monday. All communication has been via text on various platforms. And I hate it. I miss hearing his laugh, his voice. I was looking forward to today, I'm not going to lie. I was really, really looking forward to it. And it got stolen away from me.
I just got the best news ever! My brother finally did it, he finally passed the police academy and will officially be a police officer! He graduates in the next few weeks. I honestly couldn't be more proud of him. This has been his dream for as long as I can remember, and he finally made it happen! He had a setback when he failed one test and had to repeat the academy, but the fact that they even let him repeat the academy in the first place, even giving him a job at a station until the next class was ready, really means they saw something in him. And now he actually did it and passed everything. He didn't get to come in first in his class, but he was a very close second, so that's not at all bad. Yay! I seriously can not wait to see him graduate.
I find it funny that someone would talk about other people stealing work and copywrites and such, when said person has stolen from me on more than one occasion. Just fucking hilarious. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Do you ever just wonder where you might be if you hadn't made certain decisions? Would you be happy, successful, have all that your heart could want? I was listening to a song I used to listen to a lot some time ago, and it made me think of how things could have ended up if I hadn't been so... Me. Would I have been happy? Would the outcome have been any different in the end?
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