There's nothing left to say, nothing left to do. All I can do is move forward with the knowledge that I tried. It may not seem like I did, but I tried as best I could. Maybe that was the problem, my best doesn't seem to measure up to what some people think it should. Not to say I didn't make mistakes, because boy did I ever. No one is perfect. But, in the end, things are as they are, and there's no changing the situation. I just have to keep walking my path, the path I have worked so hard to get on. And keep myself focused on what still needs to get done, I can't afford any more sidetracks.
It is what it is. It was nice while it lasted, but happiness is fleeting. What matters now is my future. That is all that matters. Other things can be sought after when I have the ability to focus on them. But right now, right now I have to be selfish and think solely of myself and where I'm headed.
Wow, I finally remembered my password. Never again, man, Never again. I'm writing that down so this doesn't happen again.
New phone goodness. I was finally able to get rid of my old Samsung Galaxy S3 and pick myself up a shiny new S5. It's nice to have a phone that doesn't die after hardly an hour of use.
And in the end, things got away from me. I didn't want it to be like this.
I'm going to go buy myself Dragon Age Inquisition and probably the new Borderlands since I'll have a nice little pile of cash once I pawn something. New games, yay! I'm also getting my Xbox One and the Master Chief Collection after Thanksgiving. Fun times.
I'm probably going to be rewriting my entire profile soon. I have been far too forthcoming with personal information around here, and, well, recent events have shown me that that needs to change. And it needs to change immediately. So, I'll think of something that gets information about me out there without actually getting too personal about things. Until then, enjoy the nothingness.
Today was both bad and good, in its own way. Two more days. It's kind of exciting, how much time has flown by and how little I have left.
I need to sleep, I know that. I have to be up at 4:15. Yet, my mind won't shut down. I'm excited and nervous, so nervous. This test pretty much determines the rest of my life. A pass would mean so many doors would be open to me, a path I have been waiting so eagerly to walk down. A fail would mean, well, other doors would be open to me. And I would have to rethink my entire career plan. So, you know, no biggie, right? Ugh. I downed a few melatonin pills, so hopefully that will knock me the fuck out soon.
I thought I had more time but nope, I don't. Tomorrow I'm taking my DLAB and Monday I'm doing the physical. They switched the dates up on me, which is fine. I'll be staying in the hotel near MEPS on Sunday, and I have to be at the station at five tomorrow so they can drive me down to MEPS for the test. Five in the freaking morning. I guess I better get used to being up and about at that hour. I have just never been a morning person. That time makes me nervous about taking that test, I don't do my best work so early, but, considering how important this is, I'm going to have to get over my morning issues.
The more I read up on the DLAB, the test I have to take as a requirement for the MOS of Cryptologic Linguist that I want, the more paranoid become. I'm so afraid I won't get a high enough score, and therefore be told I can't get the job. That I will have to settle on something else I don't really want to do. Well, no, I mean the whole Chemical, Biological, Radiological and Nuclear Specialist job seems interesting enough, but it's not where my heart is. I have wanted the linguistics job since high school, and now, when it's so close to being in my grasp, I'm so afraid I'm going to screw it all up. I don't know what I can do, I mean, this isn't a test you can really study for. I could, and will be, brushing up on all the rules of grammar. But, aside from that, there's nothing I can really do to prepare myself. I just have to hope that I am capable of getting a good score. I surprised myself on the ASVAB, hopefully all this worry and paranoia will be for naught.
Made a stop at GameStop today and picked up the Mass Effect series. I can't wait to get home and start playing it. That is, if I can get my brother off my Xbox, he apparently has taken to stealing into my room and playing Call of Duty since I've been gone.
I saw Interstellar with my mom tonight after we left my grandmother's house. It was... Interesting. Not a bad movie at all, though it does drag a little and the near three hour runtime is felt. The science really annoyed me, especially everything at the end. But, it was entertaining and a fun way to kill some time. As far as a good sci-fi movie goes, it's one of the best I've seen in a long time.
I found my way to your profile again... I've been avoiding it for months. It hurts, not knowing what happened to you, seeing that date and realizing it's been so long since we've spoken, since I heard your voice, your laugh, saw your face, your smile... I think about you sometimes. I think about you and worry. Because I feel like you're gone forever. Do you know how much I miss you? I wish, if nothing else, that I at least knew what happened. That I knew if you were safe, happy. It's a kind of torture, that unknown.
I was worried for nothing. I did way better than I ever thought I could on the test. Like so much better than they even projected on the practice test I took. I am just in shock right now. Complete shock. A whole world of jobs is now open to me. I should have no issue getting the linguistics job I am dead set on.
Just left MEPS, stuck with the Sargent and a new Private on the freeway headed home. Good old SoCal traffic. But, when they say be prepared for a whole day spent at MEPS, they aren't kidding. We go there about 12:30 and now it's 6. Bah. Gotta love the military.
I can't look at my results, it's all sealed up for my recruiter. It's excruciating, the wait for him to get here and for me to know. I think I bombed it... Even the word knowledge and comprehension had me in doubt as far as the correct answers. Ugh. I just want to know how I did.
I have to be at my recruiter's office in about two hours and then he will drive me down to MEPS to take the test. I am extremely paranoid about it. I studied a lot yesterday and a bunch of the rules for math came flooding back to me. But, I still suck with fractions and percentages and no amount of cramming is going to help me understand it now. I just have to go in there and do my best. I should be alright, even if I don't do so well on the math portion. My reading and comprehension are perfect and math wouldn't be important in the job I really want. But, I'm not going to focus on that now, one step at a time. I just need to get through the test first. I'm excited and nervous and so freaking excited.
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Profile for Dakotah
Nov 06 2014
I have always had problems with math. In college I was always at the math lab so I feel your pain. Good luck though. Sounds like you are prepared as you can be.
I'm going to totally bomb the math portion of the ASVAB. I'll get a shit score and have to be a cook or something in the military...
Tomorrow is too soon for me to be taking that test. I was working on a practice exam out of the ASVAB study guide book I've had for a while, and while my word knowledge and paragraph comprehension are perfect, my math skills suck. So bad. My mathematic reasoning is decent enough, but my mathematic knowledge is absolute shit. If it isn't an equation where I can solve for x or y or whatever, I don't know what I'm doing. It's like all my knowledge of fractions and square roots and all that circumference bullshit just flew right out of my head the minute I stopped going to school, and my ability to solve those kind of problems was limited enough by my complete inability to understand math. I am not a numbers person, I have never had an easy time with math, but at least in school I was around those problems every day, I could get help and the rules were fresh in my head. It's been nearly te years since high school. About eight since college. I don't know a damn thing about the rules and the way to solve the problems anymore. And therefore I am totally fucked. I'm going to bomb that part of the test. One of the most important parts of the test, and I am going to have to settle for a shit job.
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Profile for imagesinwords
Nov 05 2014
I was so excited I was going to MEPS to take that test, I didn't sleep a second the night before. During the test, I fell asleep during the math portion! I woke up when they said there were just a few minutes left, and I had to hurry up and fill in circles, whatever I could to hopefully get some of them correct. Suffice it to say I bombed the math. I still got a job as Aviation Maintenance Administration - managing flight hours and engine logbooks to calculate when overhauls and preventive maintenance needed to take place (and many other duties). There are many things you can do still.
But if you want... Do check out khanacademy.com. You can watch math videos and learn really easily.
I'm going down to MEPS in LA on Thursday to take the ASVAB. The job in linguistics that I have my heart set on is open if I get a decent enough score on the ASVAB (which shouldn't be an issue), and on the other required test, which I hope won't be much of an issue either. Things are starting to go my way.
If I get all this done and get where I need to be, I could be in basic come the new year. I could go in sooner, but I want to spend the holidays here with the family.
Well, that's laugh worthy.
I need new people to game with.
It's a horrible realization when you finally see that not even members of your own family want to be around you. That even with people who are supposed to love you and always be there, you're the outcast.
I wanted to talk to someone, anyone, tonight. The loneliness was making itself all too known, and I was yearning for some form of companionship. But then I remembered that I have distanced myself for pretty much everyone I was once close to. And the result is that I didn't have a single person to turn to. It didn't help that my usual companions on LIVE were all off, busy with the real world. I would have given anything just to be able to hear someone's voice in my ears.
I would still give anything for that one small comfort. Just to have someone there, someone who cares even just a little. I miss having that, people I could turn to when I needed to. Now it's just me. And it's my own fault it's this way.
It doesn't feel like Halloween to me. I am just all sorts of out of it today, I guess. It would probably feel more festive if I actually had something to do tonight, but I don't. I'll sit at home and hand out candy and probably play video games all night, since I don't really care for scary movies.
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That is all for now.