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My heart shatters like glass, tiny splinters as sharp as razor blades are all that remain

Pain sweeps me off my feet, depression takes my hand

I try to fight back the tears but dispite my efforts, they escape, slowly drowning me

Biting down on my lip to hush the threat of sorrow, I cringe as the taste of blood fills my mouth

I'm such an idiot! How could I let this happen? What the hell was I thinking...

My soul mourns the death of my emotion, it's blacker now then ever before..

My thoughts race uncontrollably inside my head, viciously and slowly eating away at me..

I can't breathe, the air seems so thick, I feel like im suffocating

The room spins out of control as I make my way to the mirror

I look into it and spit at my reflexion, I can't stand the way it watches me

I look into my eyes, yelling at myself, "How hell did you manage this one Grace?!"

My fist strikes the mirror and a million tiny shards of glass cascade to the floor

I stand motionless watching the pieces of the mirror slice through the air

As the last one hits the floor, a tear escapes my eye

I sit in the corner with my head on my knees trying to clear my head of this thought-filled disease

After a short while only one thought remains...

I'm such a fucking idiot...

COMMENTS

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lunavoron
17:32 Mar 25 2009

hey i can relate to a lot of your writings on here. know that your not alone

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KinkyLilVamp
19:57 Apr 05 2009

this is awsome

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POST COMMENT

I want to feel my breatheing become more and more shallow..

I want to know the pain is going to stop..

I want to see my life turn black as im enveloped by darkness..



Death calls to me and the reaper holds out his hand

"Sanctuary," he whispers, "is here when you are ready to close your eyes and end the life that plagues you.."

All I can do is laugh, I had given up long ago...

The smiles I had faked, are long since faded

The sunny days, where the blue sky was filled with beautiful clouds, have disappeared

Life, all of its meanings, all of the beauties I once recognized, are torn and twisted into unspeakable images I can not bear to see...

Everything that once held me together has fallen to pieces, I'm just to weak to pick them back up..

Weakness, I hate the word, I can not be weak, but I can not go on living this way...

Each day is a struggle, just walking through the crowds knowing they're looking right through me

I'm a ghost to them, invisible even to those who want to see



I look into the mirror and the reflection that stares back isn't me

I don't know what happened to who I was, I don't know who I am now...

This scarred body can not be my own

These eyes so full of pain, can not be mine

How did I become this stranger..

The blood that I've shed, the tears that I've cried, have fallen in vein dispite my efforts..

How did this happen..



I was born a mistake..

Raised as a bastard child..

Looked down upon, if looked upon at all

Reminded by everything around me, I can never forget what I am

This life that was given to me, isn't worth living yet I grit my teeth and bear it

When will my salvation come

When will the smiles show themselves, enlightening those around me

When will life be beautiful again..



Death seems to call my soul, begging me to just let go

The reaper beckons me to come, hes grown anxious of waiting...

I've given up, but it's not yet my time to go...

I'll keep dreaming of the day my breath grows more and more shallow

I'll keep hoping for the day my pain finally stops

And I'll keep praying for the day my life turns black and is eternally enveloped by darkness....

I'm a parents worst nightmare

I'm what they don't want you to be

I'm the kind of kid they want you to stay away from,

but i really don't understand why they fear me...

I'm not a bad kid.. i just grew up with a bad childhood...

I wear black all the time only because that's how i always saw myself..

I'm misunderstood, not cruel and emotionless.

I feel just the same as you do but still, your parents say stay away.



I'm a parents worst nightmare

I'm what they want to "protect" you from, they want you to have nothing to do with me.

Why cant they just see, I'm not a bad kid; it's just what they want to make you believe.

Believe is the wrong word, maybe I shouldve used hate; same difference to me.



I'm a parents worst nightmare

I'm who they shun to hell

Growing up, I always knew my life would never be well

Living with pain, hate and never ending sadness, I grew up among all this god damn madness

Your parents don't know that, if they did maybe they'd change their minds.

I really doubt it, sometimes I wish I could turn back time.

Make them see that I'm just calling out for help

But they don't see that they think I'm the child from hell

Maybe I am, big deal, so what

I'm a parents worst nightmare

Who gives a fuck?

My story is implausible because of the angering nostalgia within me. Felicity is nonexistent because people loathe my emotionless state. The malice in my mind makes me a glutton for harm and hate. Sometimes I see myself ensconced in a hamlet far away from this life, away from this place. The pain is slowly debilitating me, it wants me to capitulate to it's harm. I will never give in, this is my volition.

There are two windows side by side in the room where they see her. She watches them with her vacant eyes and cadaverous face. She stands staring out of these windows every single day. The world she wishes to be a part of laughs at her, but they don't know how she views the world beyond her oh-so-familiar windows. Through these windows she imagines a better world, poetic in it's soundless beauty almost like the windows that she sorrowfully imagines will someday bring the world to how she sees it. Her dark windows remind her of why she's still alive, why she still has hope inside; she believe's that one day she'll change the world....

I dont know who you want me to be

I am who I am and that defines me

Do you want me to be the good child or bad?

Do you want me to be the happy child or sad?



I WAS the once forgotten child who silently weeps

Now I'm the teenage daughter whose blood slowly seeps

I WAS the puzzle piece that never fit in

I AM the ancestor who refuses to follow her kin



Who else do you want me to be?

I am becomming who you never wanted to see

Do you want me to be the girl thats alone?

Do you want me to be the star whose never shone?



I WAS the girl who sat in the shadows alone

I AM the star whos never shone

I WAS the soul who never gave in

Now I'm the mystery that hides whats within...

Rotting away inside, slowly decaying like a corpse; the infection spreads, deterierating my mind piece by piece. Pain, the infection, the hell thats built up inside me leads me only to an eternity of damnation in the eyes of your almighty. The eyes that damned me to this life, have abandoned you too, they bestowed you to a new life where you, like the others will rott away inside. The ones before you have already faded but you too will decay into a slowly dying corpse as they have. And your soul will burn with the rest of ours forevermore in the hell that we created. The hell of the sinners, the hell of the abandoned, the hell of the damned that will burn on past the end of time. So rott away inside, and take your time as you decay; the hell that you have helped create will never go away....