Marriage changes passion....
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
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I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it
So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.
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How come we choose from just two people to run for President and over 50 for Miss Universe?
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Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
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I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
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Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
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Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
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Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
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Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells
live forever.
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Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
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Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'
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And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence , but....
2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia
2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing
2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of people around the globe.
Has anyone else noticed this? ...
It gets worse next year... 2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?
BITCHOLOGY
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs,
they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love,
they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts
or do things my own way,
they call me a bitch.
Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's
in my heart.
It means I live my life MY way.
It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it,
I am defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for
myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.
It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I 'should' be.
I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, just try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch ,so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.
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