I'm sitting here thinking about playing some Fortnite for a while but not sure just yet cause it's thundering outside right now so my internet might go out for a while which sucks big time.
just got done doing the dishes so now I'm sitting here relaxing a little bit before dinner starts we're having my aunt and her husband over for dinner we're having steak and potatoes with green beans oh how yummy.
this is the first big dinner since I quit smoking so it's going to be so good and yummy I can taste it now my aunt Judy is a really good cook guess she learned from my mom cause my mom was a really good cook I miss her cooking so bad.
even my dad was a good cook but I hardly got to have his cooking the first meal I had from him was before he passed away I do miss him but not as much as I miss my mom well I was just getting to know my dad again after all these years of not talking.
ever since my dad passed away from cancer my brother and I haven't talked much and he got married to his girlfriend and moved to Tennessee with his family I had just found this out cause I talked to him on messenger but since then I haven't spoken to him I would like to talk to him more but were not as close as we use to be since my dad passed away things really changed between us were no longer consider brother and sister since the fight we had over the money that I got from my dads passing it shouldn't have been like that between him and i but its all good though.
I'm sitting here thinking about things that happened in my life that I cant fix sometimes I wish I could take everything and fix them like they never happened to me when I think about them I want to cry none stop.
these are the things I rather not talk about cause it brings back bad memories that never go away it keeps bothering me to the point of tears thank god I had my best friend to help me through it if it wasn't for her I don't know where I would be today, to be honest, and no I would never hurt myself.
remember when days when things were good but then everything changed in no time I just wish things would go back to normal again but I guess they won't.
why did things change like they did it's like a nightmare that never ends having to wear a mask all the time everywhere we go there's trouble in every corner of the world.
I woke up hearing my mom's voice which I have not heard in a long time it was nice to hear her voice again I miss her so much she had been gone since 2015 even though she had been gone going on 8 years in July just wish she would have taken care of herself cause she would still be here with us I know I keep saying this but I do really miss her.
I keep telling people if you still have your mom..spend time with her cause you never know when the good lord going to call her home with him
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