I wonder if smash rooms are still a thing.
He's starting to look so fragile. I wonder how much more time he has left. The world will suffer a great loss when he passes. Even sader still to think he may be the last of his kind.
I read something last week that really resonated with me, and probably not in a good way. I was just hanging out outside in the middle of the night with one of the dogs, and thinking about it hit me hard enough to make me sit there and shed a few tears. I managed to suck it up and was starting at the stars wondering if those words would always resonate with me. While I was doing that the second brightest shooting star I've seen in my life ripped through the sky. It was beautiful. Maybe it's just a coincidence, or maybe life sends you signs. Who knows. The following night one of the owls returned. I haven't heard it yet, but I've seen it. I'm glad it's back. I wonder where the other two are.
I'm getting sick again. I miss social distancing, and lockdown, and people wearing masks. It was so nice to not be exposed to germs all of the damn time. This round of germs feels like something in between allergies and a half assed cold. It's pretty unnerving because that's how Covid also felt at first.
I've got all kinds of anger bubbling up inside of me. I thought I was over all of that, but maybe it never really fully dissipates. I'm just so fed up with different things. Today my car is working my last nerve. I dumped a small fortune in it for repairs last month, and next week I need to take it to the mechanic to be looked at again. I'd love to just replace it, but I need this 15 year old beast to give me at least another year or two. Maybe after we get settled as a family after the wedding I'll have the ability to actually save money instead of living paycheck to paycheck. I'm over being perpetually broke, and wasting my vacation days to do things like catch up on sleep or have time to do cleaning or projects around the house. I got so mad at my car today that I was tempted to beat it with a shovel like I did the benz. I thought maybe I had gotten past having anger issues like that, but sometimes life likes to test your limits. Luckily I just avoided being near it long enough to calm down. Fingers crossed that it's a less expensive repair and not something ungodly expensive. I won't know until next week.
Which I guess is comforting that I'm not a complete anomaly. It's good to know you're not the only crazy shit on the planet. When I snapped the bone in the middle of my big toe I laughed. When I rebroke it not long after that the laughter was not unlike something you'd hear out of Joaquin Phoenix's version of the joker. I have no idea why I have a laugh response when it comes to pain. It's just always kind of been there. The stronger the pain, the crazier the laugh. Though the back injury I had, and the whole child birth thing, I didn't really laugh for those. I wonder why they were an exception.
Anyway towards the end of last week I stubbed my foot on the corner of a wall in passing. (Not the foot I had previously broken the toe on). Two of my toes went one direction and the other three went another direction. I laughed pretty good. I heard and felt either a popping or snapping when it happened, but it didn't feel like any of my toes were broken so I thought I was okay. Fast forward to Friday morning when I woke we up to pain in my foot. I thought it was from not being able to move my legs on my 4 hour flight the night before. Nah, it turns out there's this hard lump in my foot that hurts most of the time. It didn't stop me from doing all of the walking I needed to do last weekend which was quite a bit.
Finally today I'm fed up with the fact that it's still there. I only notice the pain really when I touch it, but boy is it angry when I do. I showed it to my mom and asked if she thought it was a gd tumor or something. She mentioned that it looked like I've either broken or dislocated a bone on the top of my foot. 🤦🏼♀️ I had completely forgotten about having stubbed my foot before she said something. I'm guessing I'm going to have to cave and have it looked at hopefully before one of my 100lb dogs stomps directly on it.
To be continued I guess when we figure out what the hell it is and what to do with it. 🤷🏼♀️
COMMENTS
You are not alone. I also laugh when in pain. If the pain is beyond tolerable I don't laugh, but it has to be more than I can take for it to come to that. Mostly I just laugh hysterically. I thought maybe I was alone in that.
I laughed during a C-section. They gave me a local and began cutting, it's an extreme pain response. It's not like a normal laugh I was told. Also did the same when fell and broke two fingers, cried, and laughed at the same time.
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