Theban's Journal

Theban's Journal


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7 entries this month


10:11 Oct 19 2007
Times Read: 636

Empty, nothing but the stillness that only a dream can bring....Reflecting on issues and incomplete analysis of all shapes and forms, and yet....nothing.

My lack lustre of power has left me unwholesome, and if this is punishment, then I'm dutiful to again die. Like the seasons, as end of days tumble into the desolation of winter. Waiting for rebirth, as stagnant water in a shallow pool awaits rain or flood, to again give it life.

Lack of faith in ones own ability, the persecution and deliberate sabotage of ones own being. Draining and tearing the very energy from within, by sending waves of destruction throughout ones own inner sanctum.

I feel no cold, no flame, a fire without fuel. The Fortification useless without the means to defend. Now broken the circle lies blooded and smashed, bringing a stench of decay flooding through cracks and crevices opened up by ones own convulsion.

Fatigued by the onslaught of pain.






11:51 Oct 17 2007
Times Read: 642

Just because I'm British doesn't mean I'm a nice bloke! : )

When I was at school a very long time ago I would bully the bullies. I felt that they needed some of their own treatment! What I didn't understand at the time was that it made me as bad as them.

I built my reputation as being fast with my fists and unpredictable with my temper. I wasn't the hardest bloke in school but I was one of the most feared. I did have a soft side though, I would offer mercy. It was left up to the (victim) as to whether or not they chose to take it. I was not in a gang....you weak fucks who have to be in one used to make me sick. The gangs at school left me alone, if I fought with one of their members it would be up to that member to sort it...not the gang. So I had respect amongst them for being what I was. Different, because I would stand alone. I have some battle scars because of this!

I have only lost three fights in my life, one was where I was set on by a gang of black blokes in Bristol when I was fourteen. I'm proud to say that I took three of them out before the police stopped the fight. I know that I would have been seriously hurt if it wasn't for the police.

The second one was when I was jumped by some blokes in school and my friend who was the hardest bloke in the school stopped the fight, and saved my arse. Revenge was sweet!

The third was when I was older and I got drunk and thought I could take on the local hard nut! *OUCH* Still it was a long time ago.

Now I'm so old there is just nothing...I try not to fight...it's not worth it. Reputation can be a pain, I get young drunk silly fools trying to fight me sometimes. Not good if your with the family. So I avoid places where the twats hang out. Still, I get caught out once in a while.

Walking away is hard...but I must try to remember to do it when I can.




A Grain of Sand

18:10 Oct 13 2007
Times Read: 646

She came to me again, that very night, but only for a fleeting moment. I saw her high above the fields scared with the blood of endless battle.

The power of flight is a wonderful thing, I thought she would not be alone for long for I would join her and taste her sweetness.

She stayed just long enough for me to see the tear fall from her cheek which I caught just as she vanished from sight.

I don't understand, the tear burned my hand and a great coldness swept over me. Things started to change......

The 12/10/07 Didn't dream of her this time, I really tried, I have oils to help with dreams and astral travel.

They didn't work!

Tonight I will see a medium, I have some things which need to be said!





13:12 Oct 10 2007
Times Read: 651

I was off fighting again, God this dream was boring. Fighting or running, flying away...over the land so battle torn and ragged.

BANG....She is standing in front of me and I feel great peace. She takes my hand and in a blink of an eye we are amongst the stars.

She again tells me that I need to learn to let go....she tells me that my mind is suffocating with all the toils of existence.

All I want to do is hold her so tightly and to never let her go....the smell of her hair, the taste of her lips, the warmth of her......

She tells me the story of the man who had a bird, it was the most pleasing and beautiful thing to look at. He would invite his friends around to his house to see this beautiful bird. And to hear this beautiful bird sing, he was so proud and so much in love with it. So much in love that it felt like his heart was breaking to be away from the bird.

He decided that he would never let the bird be free of it's cage because he couldn't understand why the bird would want to be anywhere else other than with him. He never realised that the more he kept the bird in it's cage the more the bird wanted to fly.

One day after feeding his beautiful bird, he forgot to close the cage properly. The bird flew from the cage and out through the door which had been left ajar.

The bird, never returned to her cage.

I know this story all to well, it happened many years ago. So why tell me it now....?

Falling now, she has vanished, "I'M HOLDING ON TO NOTHING BUT AIR".....Then I woke up shouting those words..lol...odd!

I will sleep tonight and dream of her again...I know I will!... I have unfinished business.




Trying Time

13:24 Oct 09 2007
Times Read: 654

Got my web site, just need to find out how the dam thing works...I'm going to try to put one page in it for the moment...

I've been to about ten doctors surgeries to try and advertise, only three have allowed it! They have used the excuse that they are not allowed to promote my hypnotherapy business. So why have the other three allowed it?

I did something bloody stupid the other day, I took down a poster from another therapist and put mine in it's place......ummm...I got some bad vibes later from doing it and listened to my inner voice for a change, the next day I put hers back again and moved mine over....Bah!

I must remember to back up my CDS, I have lost fourteen of them now because I had some hard drive failures. Now I have to record fourteen more. I cannot say enough swear words to explain how angry at myself I feel.

In time it will all be fine...I know it!





21:16 Oct 03 2007
Times Read: 662

Just trying this out.....In time it will get where it needs to be!




It's but a dream

09:47 Oct 01 2007
Times Read: 668

Black eyes....I dreamed last night of those dam black eyes. I find that this dream had no proper control by me whilst dreaming it. She spoke quietly and quickly to me and the next thing we ended up in bed. The dream flashed by like scenes in a play but only lasted minutes. I dreamed that she was feeding on my soul. Feeding on memories past and presant, while we made love. I had no pain, or fear, only ecstasy.

Then the buzzing sound, it was time for me to wake up from this dream. She said the next time we meet she will take me on a journey.

I reached out to touch her once more and she faded into nothing. I opened my eyes and looked at the bed, nothing, just a very faint smell of perfume...Who is this woman, creature...thing in my dreams.

Maybe in time I will find out.



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