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I been wanting to tell her the whole story
but she never gives me chance to tell her
so i just stay away from her
cause i got this gut feeling
something just aint right
i see her at work but she
looks differant from the
last time i saw her
so i just went on with
what i had to do
for the boss man
well she just went on with
flirting with all the married
men.
i could see the hunger in her eyes
when she looked them in the eyes

damn it
it feels like i broke my ribs
can hardly lay down without having a lot of pain
I try to relax to stop the pain but just don't work
like i was hoping it would

today was an alright day
went to the store to pick up
my aunts meds for her
and then got home relaxed
for few hours and then
ran up to store again
now i'm relaxing
drinking coffee

I didn't talk to Lana today I was hoping to but never heard from her
first time she didn't call me on skype sighs

listen to the sound of the rain
close your eyes and picture
the angel's crying for you
hear the rythem of your heart
beating to the beat of the
rain.

thinking about some stuff now that i have the apt to myself i had the whole weekend to get some shit off my damn mind .. i had to do some house cleaning today been up since yesterday morning so when i take a shower i'm gonna take a nap for few hours
my body fucking hurts and i have not taken my meds yet i know i should i just had so much shit on my mind that i forgot lol

well I took a nap cause I just was feeling a little tired and drained I just can't explain it maybe it's just me and nothing is going on with me maybe it's all in my head so I'm gonna push it aside and just forget about it it's kinda freaking me out but it is nothing that's gonna hurt me at all it's just letting me know their here with me.
this is the only way i can speak about without being yelled at about it .. my family don't like it when i try to tell them about what's going on with me and what i hear in my head they make me feel like i will never be understood or even heard which really hurts my feelings cause all i want is to talk about it to someone who will understand me and not pick on me about it.

umm for one I'm not a bad person and what i did back then was the damn past i have changed people do change in a good way
but you can think of me the way you want i do not care
I have better things to do then to worry about how people
think of me.
i do not and will not be friends with you either
I have a small circle of friends that i trust and
allow to be in my little circle of friends.

so you just stay on your side of vampire rave and
i'll stay on mine

thank you
DeadlyDreams

COMMENTS

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BloodRoseX
07:37 Aug 20 2020

Sounds peachy to me. Thanks.

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I was in the living room watching a movie with my aunt for a while and then went back to my room ... what fun huh?

I never thought for a second that i could go on with dealing with what's going on in the world I try my hardest to live this life since all this started having to wear a mask every where i go and it sure is driving me crazy all i do since then is hang in my rood

COMMENTS

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RelentlessTenebrosity
16:17 Aug 15 2020

I know it sucks hun. *hugs* Try to keep your head up. I was told a long time ago that suffering builds perseverance which builds character which makes one hopeful. I know it sounds strange that that would be the case but the older I get I do see how this has become true in my own life.
What doesn’t kill us apparently does make us stronger....

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DeadlyDreams
07:04 Aug 18 2020

i know ..but i find it really hard sometimes

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DeadlyDreams
07:05 Aug 18 2020

and it's not helping my mental state any

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I didn't know that she was evil cause she acted normal and became part of my family cause my parents really liked her so they went to the adoption agencies and filled out paper to make her part of the family they found out that her parents were murdered by someone that wanted their daughter but they hidden her where he couldn't find her.
I couldn't believe what they were doing to make my life miserable by adopting her into the family like their doing but i guess i would have to learn to accept her as part of the family but she will have to learn to control her damn power's and know that she is as evil as all hell sighs.
but I'll just have to deal with her like my little sister now
i know its gonna be really hard but I'll get through it some how