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well it's pieceful here cause my aunt judy is fast asleep right now well to be honest she has not had anything to drink cause she has her meds thank god for that.
so all im doing is sitting here playing games and writing in my journal..i really enjoy writing it keeps me calm and my mind in a calm state..its a good thing when i dont think to much.

well i went and got dinner for me and my aunt judy and then got back on skype..trying to figure out what game to play i want to take a brake from minecraft been playing to much of it.
so for now im just gonna rate and write in my journal for awhile its what i really enjoy the most of all it keeps my mind free of thoughts of darkness but it seems my mind is still foggy feeling(ugh) i really hate this feeling.

I was talking to my aunt about the shit that's going on around the united state it's scaring the shit out of me hoping not to catch it.
this is nothing but hell for me i really dont need to get it cause it takes me forever to get rid of it ugh it's making crazy just thinking about it.

COMMENTS

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NikkiAidyn
21:34 Mar 09 2020

The flu is deadlier than this virus... to be on the safe side dont t the much your face and wash your hands often. Everything will be okay

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NikkiAidyn
21:35 Mar 09 2020

Dont touch your face* sorry

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EternalMemories
22:22 Mar 09 2020

i try not to touch my face but it iches so bad sometimes that i just cant help but to touch it

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Doru
01:20 Mar 10 2020

Even though the Coronavirus is dangerous, more people will kill themselves in a year than this virus will kill in 20 years.

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EternalMemories
01:57 Mar 10 2020

that's true

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Earthgrinder
04:38 Mar 11 2020

A lot of the fear and anxiety is being fanned by the constant drumbeat of the mass media.

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POST COMMENT

I sometimes feel like i'm living in complete darkness with no sight of light to be seen i just dont know what to do with myself anymore..its been pieceful the past few weeks now and i'm really enjoying it now the only stress i have is when my aunt judy drinks she makes things much worst for me when she starts yelling at me for no reason at all i even try to be nice to her sometimes but she just throws shit in my damn face.
yeah i love her cause she's my family along with my other aunt they are what i have left in my life since both of my parents are gone and all my grandparents also are gone it seems like everytime i turn around someone passes in my family either from drinking or cancer the drinking part is how my mom passed and its the good reason why i dont drink anymore after seeing my mom drink until she just cant stand or even walk without falling down and i had to pick her back up off the damn floor so many times it got to the point where i just left her on the floor to sober i just could'nt handle it anymore i tried talking to her about her drinking and how she gets mean when she drinked i had to put up with alot from her when she was alive i miss her so much that it kills me inside there are times i want her here to talk to when i'm having a really bad day and just cant handle life anymore.
living with the illness i have is a hard thing to deal with daily there are times i just want to hide from the damn world no one understands what i go through everyday of everynight of my life i always hide how i feel from my family and friends scared they wont understand how i feel.
yeah i will pull through this in due time but until i do i have to deal with it on my own without any help from anyone.

this morning i fell out of bed well i was still fast asleep did'nt wake up until i hit the floor my shoulder hurts like hell right now
it felt like i was pushed out of bed by someone ugh makes me wonder.

I been sitting here with alot of shit going through my head as of late cant seem to stop the voices they gotten worse even at night cant get them to shut up.
i know it sounds crazy but its true it makes my mind kinda blah lastnight i was listening to some music and just started jaming to it like i had no care in the world when the song was playing.
right im sitting here watching my cousin play black ops4 well im doing an entry before i go to bed i'll play some more but right now i feel to lazy so im allowing him to play alittle longer.

1.do you feel kinda off? umm yeah i been feeling this way for awhile now

2.what's your plan for to day? well nothing really i'm just going to play some ps4 games and drink some hot coffee and just relax after the day i just had


3.do you plan on sleeping? hell no why do you think i made some coffee lol

4.have you ever cut? yes many times but its been a few years since i last cut myself i try not to do that anymore

5.do you like weed? umm dont you think it's a little personal i reather not answer that

6.do you have any scars? yes many

7.do you get your mental illness from your parents? umm that i do not know