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My grandmothers death nearly snapped me in two. The loss is unbearable. The lack of support; fucking laughable.

I can be pretty naive because the romantic side of me wants to believe in the people I put effort into, and the new destruction of believing that reliability was an automatic response of a friendship is something I will be burying, too.

Been feeling my suppressed dark side emerging in ways I'm not proud of -- and yet, I'm beginning to embrace them like a warm blanket.

Lately, I haven't wanted to alleviate pain, but inflict it. Lately, my faith has been tested -- and I've had so little to begin with. Lately, what has made me pride myself on honor and loyalty has bitch-slapped me worse than Ike Turner on a coke binge...



I am now just trying to fight enough to not lose the core of me. I'm scared to lose it, because I don't think I'm going to come back from it.

I'm on the highwire sans safety net. There's no second chance when I go splat. I'm officially fearful of myself.



And all I needed was a hug from someone; anyone that sincerely gives a damn if I wake up tomorrow.

COMMENTS

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DuckStar
03:54 Nov 01 2013

I'd hug ya, if I was close enough.



I know that feeling, all the way down to my very core and essence, from when my Dad died. It's one of the worst feelings in the world.



Hang in there. I'm rooting for you.

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CryingDutchess
04:01 Nov 01 2013

Have I told you lately that I think you are the "business"

Thanks for commenting and offering hugs. Seems we keep running into more similarities than ever expected. You make VR worth the return, Duckiness. I'm thankful for you.

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DarkestTemptation
03:25 Aug 09 2018

Sounds like you need a big ol hug come here bring it in!

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