Lilbadbitch999's Journal


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The Date I wish I couldn’t Remember

13:13 Aug 08 2020
Times Read: 63

Going on a date with your boyfriend is usually filled with favorite memories. It’s fun to spend quality time with each other and go to romantic locations when you are in love. Yet, not all dates are filled with love. Here’s the date I wish I couldn't remember.
I was on my way to my boyfriend’s house ready to spend my birthday with him. I just got my hair done with new blond highlights. I spent my whole morning curling my hair the way he liked it. I wore my most favorite outfit. A blue crop top, which felt like jeans, and a black nike hoodie in case it got a little chilly. I also wore my favorite black beach pants along with a pair of black sandals.
When I arrived at my boyfriend's house, I could feel the excitement in my bones and couldn’t wait to find out where he planned on taking me for my birthday. His father let me inside. Usually his father smiled and talked a bit, but not today. He solemnly nudged his head toward my boyfriend’s room and went back into the kitchen. Something was in the oven. It smelled like pizza, but I wasn’t hungry yet. I knocked on my boyfriend’s door, but he didn’t answer. All I heard inside was some distant whimpering. I cracked the door open and peeked inside. He sat on the bed moping and whimpering. He wore a dark blue shirt and was still wearing his pajama pants, which I found kind of odd. His black black Jordan shoes were years old out of style.
I sensed the stress radiating off him. The excitement drained out of me. Earlier in the week, he had been complaining about not having enough time for school work because of me. I’d hoped he’d gotten over it, but I could tell the subject was going to come up again. The sun shined brightly from his window heating up his room like an oven. I crept into the room and broke out sweating.
“Between work, school and you, I just can’t do it all,” he said. “I’m failing two classes and I might not graduate.” He stared at me, got up and paced around the room. “It’s all your fault. You demand too much of my time.”
A lump formed in my throat, and I wanted to leave. The tension rose in the room as he kept going on about all of his stress and unhappiness. I couldn't understand why he chose to tell me this today. Finally, I just wanted it to stop.
“Why do you tell me this on my birthday? You were going to take me out.”
“You know what I would do on my birthday? Nothing,” he said.
I knew it was just an excuse. He didn't care I knew he didn't remember. He went on about the things that were bothering him.
“I went through your phone. I’m sure you could guess what I saw,” he said.
I replied, “Yesterday you were too busy making up excuses to see me, so I celebrated my birthday with my friends after we got home from school. What’s wrong with that?”
His face turned red. I could almost feel the anger rising inside him. He went on about how I demanded too much of his time, and yet he didn’t like when I would go out and do things without him. It made no sense. Then he aggressively got up and left the room. I could hear him slamming things around in the other room. He returned with his fits clenched lecturing me about how my friends are no good for me. The whole time he went on, I kept thinking about the park and how we could have had fun with each other instead of this. So I kept mentioning that we could go to the park to get his mind off things. Finally, he stopped arguing and yelled, “FINE! I’ll take you to the stupied park!”
I knew he only said that to get me to shut up and sadly it worked. The entire ride I looked out the window and fought the tears, despite the sunny day. Not a word was spoken. The old, rusty car with bad shocks bumped hard along the road. We finally arrived in silence as he parked the car. Violently, he took off his seatbelt and slammed the car door. I looked down at my feet and tears welled up in my eyes. He wasn't coming to open the door, so I stepped out and took a deep breath of the fresh air. It smelled like lilacs, but I couldn’t enjoy it. My so called boyfriend continued to rush ahead along a bike path next to the woods. My feet hurt as I struggled to keep up. The sandals didn’t have much protection against the hard concrete. We passed a playground near a sparkling lake. Children’s laughter filled the air while I sadly wished for the day to get better. He found a place to sit on a bench near the lake. I sat down right beside him on the hardwood.
“Maybe we can just take a break until the end of the school year,” I suggested.
Instead of trying to resolve and brighten things up, he sighed, leaned his head back and shut his eyes. Anger welled up inside me. I could tell he didn’t want to work things out. He opened his mouth and shut it several times, along with many sighs. I was afraid to find out what he was trying to say.
As my mind wandered off I started to look around trying to get my mind off of everything. Above was a gorgeous blue sky, which led me to notice the little white airplane traces. Waves rolled up along the beach while little children ran back and forth with plastic buckets and shovels. A beautiful blue jay, chirped away on a branch above me. Then he grumbled. The slightest things seemed to annoy him while I found them calming. The wind pushed the leaves on the trees behind us, rustling them about. I stretched my legs out and couldn't help myself to not glance at him. Nothing had changed. He pouted and folded his arms like a toddler about to throw a tantrum. His facial expression was miserable and unhappy. Dark circles outlined his eyes and knots dangled from his messy hair.
He broke the silence with another emotional overdose. This time he lectured me on how he felt, and how it’s my fault that we aren’t working out. All I did was hold his hand and beg him to stay, but he was no longer in love with me. I could tell he was making up excuses. When I asked him for the real reason, he only explained that we would meet again someday if we were truly meant for each other. Lastly, he asked for a hug. My whole body shook. I didn't want to hug him knowing it was the last hug. As the hug broke apart, he looked down at and told me goodbye.
I finally found the courage to ask the dreaded question. “You found another girlfriend don’t you?”
He stared a moment, nodded and walked away.
I started to feel in denial. I couldn't believe this tragedy happened on my birthday. I looked down at the bench and everything was blurry. My eyes were so watery my face was drenched.
I looked back as I saw him from a distance walking away. I stayed still, hoping he would decide to come back. Instead, he went out of view. I turned around, buried my face into my hoodie and sobbed. All I could feel was the depression rising in me. Finally, I gave up on thinking he would ever come back. I pulled my phone out of my green purse, called my best friend Jake, and whimpered over the phone for him to come pick me up.
Even though I was born on this day, I wished this day had never existed.
Don’t let that one crummy person fool you. I realized that wasn’t my last date, and that someone out there was waiting to meet me. Soon, I found a new boyfriend and went on plenty of fun dates.



15:39 Aug 08 2020


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