The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

A story
00:18 Nov 26 2008
Times Read: 658




"It’s been another apathetic day for me. I can’t get over the fact that no one really remembers me. And why should they, I’ve never been the beauty of the class nor the funny cool one. Its just plain simple me. I wonder why nobody would like someone like me; then again I understand I myself have hated the way I am. 3 weeks into my mid term break and I can’t decide what I really want. I can’t decide what really makes me happy. Those phases just keep repeating like the wheel of my dear bicycle but I left it long ago just the way everyone seems to have left me. 2



I starved myself till mid evening. But I couldn’t take it more that I binged. I hate myself I cant even live few hours without eating. I’m fat, ugly and the most boring person I’ve known. May be that’s why nobody cares if I exist or not. I met Catherine this evening. She is fun to be with she makes me laugh. But sometimes I’m forced to think she uses me just to waste her time. I hate her. Like the time she calls me to meet her and then spends hours next to me on the phone. It really makes me angry. Very angry. In my mind I kill her in every possible disgusting way I can and yet I still sit there waiting for her to talk to me. 3



I miss Jake. He used to be my best friend. But I lost him. I guess I started liking him a little more then what I should have. I couldn’t stand that he did not give me enough attention the way I did for him. I messaged him today because I missed him so much. He always makes me smile but today I try to hide those tears that come every time I think of him.4



Wait he just messaged. I’m so happy he did. I like him. He will always be my best friend. Now you see how happy I get when he remembers me. I wonder if he still thinks of me. Then again let me not tell you about his message; he's not really bothered of how I am. He just messaged to ask me about some German band. 5



One person in my life who can keep me happy and still sometimes he pushes me into deep depression without realizing it. May be it’s my fault. I have been acting like a wimp. Yesterday he messaged him something important on myspace and instead of replying to what I asked him he messaged some other girl who he hardly knew. But I’ve still not got my answer. So I deleted him from my messengers, from myspace, from stickam. I just don’t want him to be in my life. I’ve decided. But I failed to keep up. That’s why I’m such a loser. I was the one to message him. Though earlier he was tensed but now seems like he doesn’t care he never replies.6



I’ve been crying myself to bed again. Like I did the whole week. Every hour thinking that I should be dead then living like this. I even tried to. But I can’t slash my wrist hard enough. I just cant. It’s so clear what kind of a loser I am. Lost everything I’ve done. Still thoughts of suicide play on my mind but I know I wont succeed. Then again I know I’m growing up. I hate it but I cant be 15 again. I have also started to realize that these phases of happiness, anger and depression will keep going on. This is how I’ve been. May be ill never changing. May be I will.7



May be Jake will message me and make me smile again even if it has to be a message asking me what band should he be listening to.8



And something’s will never change. Mum wants me to be in bed. So I’m signing out or else I’ll go deaf with all that yelling.