Welcome to my profile
Lets get some critical info out of the way:
I do NOT care about ranks, not yours, not mine. Period
Adding -
I will add you as a friend, whenever i see fit and for whatever reason i feel i have to do it for. I will not add you if you request me to do it. I do not expect you to add me back "just because i added you"
Rating -
I will probably not rate your profile, because in most cases i cant be arsed to read through 15 pages og bouncing, sparkly graphics, reading about how you are a creature of the night and how your nightterrors are so real even H.P. Lovecraft would roll over in his grave. Rate me whatever you feel like, but dont rate me and ask me to re-rate you. It just proves that you "Rate anyone fairly" without reading the profile. Pathetic, but its your choice
Journals -
Unless you got something extremely profound to write in your journal, dont expect me to give a shit about it. Sure, you can write about you having a bad day or how you tried to make some weird incantations work in the woods with 5 other people. Read this: not interesting, at all. Dont read my journals or add them either, its really not worth it unless you are just a ratings whore.
Well, enough ranting i think, lets move onto where i turn into a nice person
Short "bio"
Name : Rune
Age : 29
Sex : Male
Sexual orientation : Straight
Location : Denmark (Yes, thats in Europe)
Hi there :) So, im just this guy from Europe, longing to live in Cali/Florida/Nevada, meh i need sunshine and warm weather.
I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression and currently, my life revolves around that, working as hard as possible to maintain appearences to certain people, trying not to cave-in with the people who knows - On the rave, i dont mind if you know, i have no reason to keep up a facade here.
Im medicated for my mental issues, also seeing 2 different shrinks and im a part of a project for young people with severe disorders, mainly anxiety. I get paid by the government so that i can live, while they also pay for both shrinks and the Project - High taxes, great benefits. Americans could really learn something from this, instead of just thinking with your damn wallets on a corporate level. Greedy bitches
Now follows a couple lists of various stuff, perhaps something that could give you an idea how i am, but i doubt it
Name : Rune
Age : 29
Sex : Male
Sexual orientation : Straight
Location : Denmark (Yes, thats in Europe)
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Music in no particular order:
Three Doors Down - Metallica - Sort Sol (Danish and amazing, check em out) - Uriah Heep - The Beatles - Iron Maiden - Zeromancer - Live - The Lonely Island - Weird Al Yankovic - Gary Jules - Marilyn Manson - Rob Zombie - Nirvana - Boyce Avenue - Volbeat (Danish and amazing) - And several more that im forgetting
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Movies:
Donnie Darko - Serenity - We were soldiers - Lord of the Rings Trilogy - Star Wars I-VI - Pulp Fiction - The Dark Knight - Fight Club - Indiana Jones 1-3 - Se7en - Apocalypse Now - Full Metal Jacket - The Shining - Interview with a Vampire - Van Helsing - The Fearless Vampire Killers - Anything Monty Python - Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - Replacement Killers - Sin City - The Xmen Movies - All Die Hard movies - Blade Runner - Scott Pilgrim vs the World - Zombieland - Dawn of the Dead the new version - George A. Romero's Zombie movies - Mindhunters - The Big Lebowski - True Romance - Twelve Monkeys - Kill Bill 1 and 2 - Jeanne D'Arc - Resident Evil - The Fifth Element - Willow - The Conan Movies - Mulholland Drive - And plenty more that i've forgotten. If you feel i need to mention a critical movie that i must have obviously forgotten, let me know
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Series:
Chuck - How i met your mother - True Blood - The Big Bang Theory - Firefly - Merlin - 30 Rock - South Park - American Dad! - Family Guy - Futurama - Documentaries (Anything but WW1/WW2) - Heroes - The X-Files - Dexter - And a bundle more
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And, so you havent made it all this far in vain, here is a little humor that i thought you might enjoy :)
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Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:
1. When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories abouthow much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath...I pledge it till the end. Why? You may ask.
Because you are my friend.
And remember:
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel
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More funny stuff for those cyber wackos out there - I've read this a million times and still i silently go HARRRR! inside at times. Enjoy :)
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
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bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
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BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
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Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k
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Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.
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Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.
Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.
Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
Partner6: It likes that.
J-Dogg: aight.
Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...
J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.
J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
Partner6: WTF?!
J-Dogg: Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only fuck women...
J-Dogg: Shit just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
Partner6: You dipshit.
J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...
J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.
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J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
Partner8: Who the fuck are you?
J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
J-Dogg: Fuck me, Fuck me.
J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.
Partner8: Is that like cancer?
J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
Partner8: Good one romeo.
J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.
The salmon swim at night.
Towards your room.
The snow and the moon.
Partner8: that was never a haiku.
J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"
J-Dogg: So you ready to fuck then?
Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
J-Dogg: ...
Partner8: ?
J-Dogg: I'm spent.
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Jdogg:Hey
QT-Pie:Hey
Jdogg:whats goin on
QT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?
Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie:what does that mean?
Jdogg:what are you wearing?
QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.
Jdogg:Garter belt?
QT-Pie:Ummm...no.
Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.
QT-Pie: WHAT?!
Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Jdogg:You leave everything to jdogg.
Jdogg:I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.
Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You're a freak.
Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.
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Girl: Hi
Boy: hello
Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Boy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an asshole
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Girl: yes?
Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
Boy: yes
Girl: of what?
Girl: me?
Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
Girl: LOL
Boy: Don't fucking laugh at me!
Boy: This shit is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a fucking break
Boy: I'm serious.
Girl: I don't get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I'm wanted in three states
Girl: For???
Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You are fucking sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Girl: why?
Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: fuck you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren't you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren't
Girl: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I've lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
Boy: Alright let me find it.
Girl: kks
Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Girl: this isn't you.
Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
Girl: You don't look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go fuck yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
Girl: You're a FUCKing asshole.
Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
Girl: No you aren't
Boy: You're right. I'm not.
Boy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I'm done with you
Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
Boy: I'll eat your pussy
Girl: You'll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I'd eat your pussy.
Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don't know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I'm afraid to
Boy: Why?
Girl: cause
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Boy: Nope
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
Girl: I didn't say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Girl: ???
Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Boy: ok?
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You can't be serious
Boy: Oh yes I am!
Boy: It's my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
Girl: sure
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
Girl: Har
Boy: You gotta do better than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Girl: HARRRRRRR
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
Boy: ...still limp
Boy: Do it!
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ass.
Girl: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Boy: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!
Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Boy: Your parrot flys away.
Boy: ...going limp again.
Boy: Hello?
Boy: Say it!
Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
Told you it was funny - /salutes Bloodninja
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Told you it was funny - /salutes Bloodninja
Few more Funnies:
The 7 Dwarfs
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs went to the Vatican, and got ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey led the pack. "Dopey, my son," said the Pope, "what can I do
for you?"
Dopey asked, "Excuse me, Your Eminence, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkled his brow at the odd question, thought for a
moment and answered, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background the dwarfs started giggling.
Dopey turned around and gave them a fiery stare, silencing them.
Dopey turned back to the Pope.
"Your Holiness, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled again, answered, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."
This time, all the dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey turned around and silenced them all with an angry stare.
Dopey turned back to the Pope and said, "Mr. Pope, are there ANY
dwarf nuns in the whole world?"
The Pope answered, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns
anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapsed into a heap, rolling and laughing, tears
running down their cheeks as they began chanting:
"Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin!"
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Bored? Fire a kitten out a cannon then!
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If any of you didnt realize how incredibly god-like Chuck Norris is, here is a few facts to prove it:
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.
In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours.
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