Sharpen Your Teeth.
The image to the left is an illustration of me done by a very talented friend of mine. She does a lot of "digital drawings" with her tablet, and I felt that not only is it an incredible likeness, she also managed to showcase my spirit. I'm very much a human...in appearance. Spiritually though, I'm a multitude of things. Don't scoff, roll your eyes and laugh. I'm not claiming to be part vampire, or to grow a hundred pounds of fur on the night of the full moon. I'm simply saying, I've always been..."in alignment" with all things dark, mysterious, sinful, mystical, and outré. I suppose that makes all the sense in the world considering I ended up here eight years ago and never looked back.
Not to sound too stereotypical or cliche, whatever the appropriate term is, but my interests have always veered away from what society (especially the community in which I live) deems, at this time, to be the "norm". It's not something I actively pursue for the sake of "shock value, it's just the way that I am, it's just the type of person I am. In the area in which I currently reside, born and raised actually, it seems to me that the thing you do here is...you knock up some girl while you're still in highschool, at the age of eighteen you move into a run down trailer (preferrably a relic from the seventies), and immediately you file for government assistance. Oh, and don't forget to take up drinking. Those are things that just don't interest me. While I'm no where near where I would eventually like to be in life, I want so much more. It disappoints me that people here seem to be content with remaining the way they are. I'm not asking for everyone to be successful millionaires or whatever, I suppose you could say that what I would like to see in more people is ambition, and aspirations. I feel like I've gone off topic. That will happen consistently in the course of creating this profile. I'm a big talker. I have tons of opinions; I do not mind sharing them or making them known. WARNING: User is highly opinionated. Approach with caution!
Hm.... I had hoped to use this segment of my profile to attempt to describe my personality, and then devote other sections to like hobbies and interests and things. I'm really going into this with no real clue as to what I'm going to type or how things will be divided up into sections or anything. I'm just sort of winging it, typing things as they come to me. When it comes to whether or not I'm a social person...well, I'd like to think so, although this requires some clarification. Upon first meeting someone I'm sort of quiet, really quiet actually. Depends on the situation I guess, but typically this isn't ascribed to nerves. It has more to do with not having anything to say. When first meeting someone, or first meeting up with someone after having not seen them for a really long time it's very difficult for me to think of something to say and to fall into a conversational groove. This can also be said for my interactions here on vampire rave. It often comes as off as if I'm being short with people or that I'm disinterested but that's usually not the case; I simply just don't have a clue as to what to say. On the other end of the spectrum, I love to talk. I really do. I guess some people could call me loud, but I wouldn't say that I'm obnoxious. I typically make people laugh with ease, or can keep them interested in what I have to say. I do have a filter, I know what things are and are not appropriate for conversation, but I'm also very blunt at times. As I stated before, I have no qualms in regards to having my opinion known. Joking around and having a good time is something, obviously, that I find to be very enjoyable.
I'm not a very confrontational person. I will stand up for myself, but I also believe in being able to identify when it's approptiate to do so, and knowing when it's better to just ignore someone or the situation at hand. Sometimes people are incapable of change/growth so getting into a shouting match in an effort to have your point of view known won't do any good, because they are incapable of seeing your side of things. In other words...sometimes trash is trash and you can't polish it up.
I'm an honest person. The truth is very important to me. Lying and stealing...well, those two things are absolutely abhorrent to me. I mean come on, no one enjoys those two things, but in my life experience it seems like damn near everyone is always up to no good. I try my damnedest to alwayd be one hundred percent honest, and I will never steal from anyone. I pride myself on being a good person in some respects. This being one of them.
I will go out of my way to help someone if I can. From the simplest of things to actually gathering food for someone I know is hungry, to paying for someone's things when they really need them and their card is declined at my store (within reason. I'm broke and can't always do this Haha.) I hold doors open for people and help handicapped people out to their cars with their things. Some might say, "well...that's part of your job..." but nah, I don't think that it is, besides it's much deeper than that. It's almost neurotic, a compulsion. Even if it inconveniences me I will help someone that appears to be in need of help because I feel so guilty if I don't. It's not just helping people, say for instance I'm in a hurry to get something done at work, and I'm walking from one side of the place to the next and there's a hundred items on the floor...most of my coworkers would walk on by and pay it no mind but I can't. I might try, but inevitably I have to turn back and put everything as it should be. I can't just not do something that I see or feel should be done.
Uh...Hmm...what else is there about me or my personality...or whatever? Oh! I've said this a thousand times, a billion times even, and I know for a fact if you have ever read my profile here you've seen it said in some variation or another but...here it is again: "I'm human. Humans are multifaceted beings. There are a thousand sides to me. One side may seem to contradict another, but that's okay. This isn't something that occurs on a conscious level. It's not something that I do maliciously. It's simply a part of who I am as a person." I don't alwaye feel the same way. I'm a creature of whim, and feelings. I base a lot of my opinions, decisions, whatever, on how I feel. Whether this means paying close attention to intuition or just deciding something based on how I feel mood wise. I like to call this me being a naturally intuitive person, but most everyone else just calls it batshit crazy.
Also I'm the type of person that makes strange noises when I'm home alone, or that will move across the living room twirling and moving my hands/arms in what...in my mind is an elegant manner. Haha. I'm not the only one that does this either, so don't try to pretend that I am.
Also, I can only assume that I'm made from sad sighs, candle wax, morning dew, dust from haunted houses, with a dash of grave yard dirt, and stitched together with spider webs, because as I've said...I have always been drawn to the darker aspects of life. Not on a creepy or macabre level. It just speaks to my sensibilities or my personal aesthetic. I've always had a thing for the occult, for witches, and vampires...for all aspects of the paranormal/supernatural.
I love comfort clothes, like loose fitting, soft tshirts and pajamas. I much prefer sitting at home to going out and being about. Fall and winter are my favorite times of the year. Give me cold temperatures and overcast, gray skies any day of the week. I can't stand the heat, it's so uncomfortable.
I love to read. I've always been an avid reader, even as a child. My room is filled with books. I've got four bookshelves crammed in my tiny room, with other little stacks of books here and there. I can barely open my bedroom door. I know that people are really into the whole e-book thing, and I'm not knocking the people that are, but to me there's something that's just...well, the ebooks are lacking in authenticity. There's just something about going to the store and browsing around and finding the perfect book that suits exactly what you were looking for. There's just something about the feel and smell of a real book. Not only that but I'm big on home decor. Books...while being such an entertaining, informative part of my life, make for awesome decoration. Haha. There's just something beautiful, classy, and aesthetically appealing about a bookshelf crammed with books. Books are, and this really is cliche, an escape of sorts. I suppose a better word than escape would be distraction. What I'm getting at is, we all have real lives with real life problems, and every day stresses. When you have the time to make yourself comfortable and get into bed, or curl up on the couch with a book and really devote some time to becoming involved in that book, it provides momentary relief from those every day issues. Reading a good book and becoming so engrossed, or enthralled, that you completely forget what's worrying you or maybe some work issue that's troubling you or whatever, well it's a great feeling. I think it really is a blessing that we are able to do that sort of thing. Books are...well, for me coming from such a conservative, backwoods area, books are how I learned a lot of the things I have managed to learn about the world. Books really were my first true source of comfort and happiness. Books and reading are...well they are spiritual nourishment for me.
FAQ - A FAQ...a list of rules, guidelines and regulations for interaction with me as a member of this site. I've seen this kind of thing on nearly every profile on this website. I used to be such an opponent to this kind of thing. I was very much opposed and felt that it was incredibly dumb, pointless, and only done as a means to come up with something to occupy space on your profile. I felt it was pointless, something that people did to have some text on their page. I mean, afterall, the only rules and guidelines people have to follow are those set forth by Cancer. If you aren't familiar with those rules I suggest you read the terms of service, and definitely read the VR manual until you are thoroughly familiar with its content. Anyway, as I said, I used to be opposed, meaning that I have sense determined this type of list to be useful and sometimes necessary...not that many people will read them or abide by them, but they are useful. You will find guidelines like this on other profiles of mine. Why the change of heart? Well, I mean, it has a lot to do with the updates to the status system in which friend adds and things were tied into the level system.
Still adding to the FAQ portion.
The Past - As I mentioned very early on in the content of my profile, I joined this site around eight years ago. I know, I know, that's not what the bat says beneath my default image. The thing of it is...during my time here, I've had so many profiles, and so many screen names...I've lost count. I used to be an avid profile creator/site joiner and after a while I would delete and stay gone for a bit. I always returned. Not only that, but shortly after purchasing my first ever premium membership, I conducted my first name change. After that, I was hooked on name changing, I'm not certain as to why, but knowing me...I think it might have had everything to do with the fact that if I have the option to change my name then it would've proven to be damn near impossible to leave it whatever it had initially been. I'm constantly thinking, "oh, that would make a cool username." I'm sure that's exactly the type of thing going on back then, the only difference being that I was more apt to change my screen name. These days? I've got no intentions of changing this name. Luckily, soon enough, I was struck by a revelation of a certain enormity, get ready, tightly grip the edge of your seat and brace yourself.... I had come to the realization that...needing a break from the Rave, and the Internet in general, was not the same thing as being ready to fully remove yourself from either. As a member of this website I could take a break from this place without deleting my current account. what? No way! Impossible, right? Wrong. It's true. I'm living proof. In all seriousness, due to personal growth (I had been quite young at the time, and upon signing up to the site. On the appropriate side of the age restriction of course, but still very young. Still a kid.) I had developed the ability to better identify my emotions, and emotional needs. So yeah, I have outgrown the need to delete my account every time I feel a bit emotionally tumultuous. Unfortunately, I seem to have picked up another awful habit. What might that be? Creating profiles. I've created tons of profiles, gotten tired of them and given them away, or deleted the excess accounts...but never my primary accounts. You see, sometimes I start to feel a bit bored here, and always fall into the old routine of mistakenly believing that a new profile will allow me to experience the website from a fresh perspective...thus livening things up. While I do enjoy having alternate profiles and being able to participate in other covens, I've never found what I was looking for in so far as that fresh perspective. Ive never been able to dissociate one profile from another in so far as creating a new persona for each. Don't get me wrong, I'm a very creative individual and can certainly create different back stories and looks and all those types of things for each profile...but it always has the same feel. Anyway, I seem to have gone off subject. The past...the past...the past.... I've been here for a long, long time, you would think it'd be much easier to ramble on about actual things from my Vampire Rave past. I suppose I will start with how I came to find myself here...which is a story I have shared a thousand times on a thousand profile pages. As I said, when I joined this site I was just on the winning side of the age restriction, I was only fifteen yars old. I was introduced to this website by a friend early one morning...at school of all places. She and I had the same world history class, which happened to be my favorite subject. Her name was Toni, but here she went by DarkBlueLight14. I'm not sure why, but I never did think to ask what her screen name meant to her. I always thought it sounded a bit...dumb, but for some reason, tonight...while I'm making these changes to my profile and I'm saying the screen name in my head...it just has a certain ring to it, I like the way it sounds. Anyway, back to school, one early morning during world history class we had to tackle an assignment in the computer lab. Of course, being as good of friends as we were, we sat next to each other. I think that maybe she had told me about the website on a previous day, or maybe it was that morning, but I remember her taking the opportunity to show me. Do you know how some members use photos of like blood play and people smeared with fake blood and cuts and things from photo bucket as their default images? Well, at the time, due to having had absolutely zero experience with the Internet, I believed the images to be real. I remember being absolutely repulsed...a little frightened and completely enticed. I could t wait to get home that evening and spend more time on that website. It was completely unlike anything I had ever seen before. It was such an exciting feeling. Not only was it my first experience with a social networking website, I had never belonged to one before, but it was my first time seeing a...well, a website completely devoted to people like me. it seemed to me to be a place in which people with the same bent towards the darker things that I had could come to mingle. I spent more and more time here, and became more involved. Slowly but surely I began to make plenty of friends, really good friends that came to mean the world to me. Suddenly I realized I could share with my friends here things that I couldn't share with my friends in real life at the time. Keep in mind I had come from a very conservative area, and well...Vampire Rave provided for me my first real platform on which I could not only acknowledge my sexuality but I could discuss it with other people and slowly but surely I started to not only come to terms with it, but I began to feel comfortable and to accept it as a major, personal, part of who I am as a person. Now I'm completely out online and off. Some of my really good friends from back in the day that are no longer here were, ChemicalReaction, Caroline, ummdeena, MetalHead, LadyKrystalynDarkStar, and so many more. Isn't it awful how people come and go? As I spent more time on the site I came to thoroughly enjoy the leveling system. It provided a bit of a game vibe, what with earning new abilities with each level, and having a goal to work towards. That goal at the time being level twenty-eight, sire. Wow, I've typed so much and really have gotten no where. I desperately need to speed this bit up, so I'm about to skip forward a ton, and just start adding bits and pieces, any questions you can always message me with them. :) As I became familiar with the leveling system, I started to hear about reaching level five and being inducted into a coven. I never did read the vr manual, or the FAQ or anything, and I was very much just winging it. Haha. Well, level five came, and I was ready for induction but no one swooped in and nabbed me up. Can you imagine it? It's completely unheard of these days isn't it? Well, back then, just because you had reached the level of induction didn't mean that you were inducted right away. Generally I think, coven masters in those days typically inducted or didn't induct due to...whether or not you were a proper fit for their society. I had posted in the main forum from time to time, responses to threads but never created a thread of my own. I took being level five, ready for induction as an opportunity to post my first thread.... I posted a thread in the main discussion forum requesting to be inducted into a coven. -face palm- Yeah, I was very much one of those people. At the time, there was a coven here devoted to inducting and guiding the younger members of Vampire Rave, the master of that Coven, The Guardians of Darkness, responded to my thread and I agreed to join her coven. After that, I'm sure the thread was closed, or deleted, and I was inducted. I wasn't in that coven for very long, but yeah...that was the first society in which I had ever been a member. From that point on the society system was my absolute favorite part of this website. It was such a unique idea. I loved it, the thought of belonging to a group, a coven, that was private and couldn't be seen by the general population of the website. Although, I will admit...I became a coven hopper. One of those dreaded beings. I counted it up at one point in time and I believe I had been in a little over seventy covens, probably like eighty now. Most of which have since been disbanded. Some of my early favorites in no particular order were vampire dove, sanctus scuity, Madadh alluidh, house eternal, immortal sin, Crimson reign, and lux aeterna. As I've said, I've belonged to so many more, and have enjoyed my time in several of them, and I'm sure more than just those few have stood out to me. Eventually I sired and opened my own coven, Tamed Fury. What an awful name right? It was closed that very day, or maybe the next following an awful fight with my acm. Besides I had no clear plan and was going into things blind. I sired a second time and created Fierce Affliction, and it lasted a few weeks. I've had, several other covens, one of which was called Euphoria, and another coven that I co-mastered called the Unnamable. Earlier in my time here while a member of house eternal I was a procurator, just as the system was changed. I was only in that position for a day when I gave it up because I did not feel I could do it at that time, it was vastly confusing to me back then and I was so afraid of messing things up. Fast forward to 2010, I had an account by the username of Wallflower. I named the account after my favorite book at the time, the Perks of Being a WallFlower By Stephen Chbosky. I was promoted to the position of site Dominar and held the position for quite a while. I was also a sire, and decided to try my hand at being a coven master again. I created a coven called Cognitive Fabrication.
Now, I know for a fact that the good majority of you not only remember the original Cf...but have seen me harp on this coven a billion times. Whether that was in the form of journal entries, or on profiles. In fact I've mentioned the original CF on several of my current profiles. The thing of it is, as annoying as this might be to some of you...this should only serve as an indication of how much this society meant to me. Not the coven...as in the pages and the graphics (although those were amazing thanks to the work of a few talented coven members) and the space it took up on the site...but the society; the group of people. I had a decent amount of members, and tons of people in the alliance participated daily. What has made such a lasting impression on me is how much time and effort so many people put into and devoted to this coven. It was amazing not only to create a coven that I felt was immensely successful for the first time, but to have so many people put so much work into something I had created. I felt that, for a few members, Cf was as important to them as it was to me. I had two of the best ACMs I could have asked for, they were both long time VR friends, and I had been just as active in their covens before taking on the position of coven master once again for myself. It was just a great experience. The original Cognitive Fabrication was a member of the alliance of Arthropoda. Back then, the alliance was a vastly different place comprised of different societies. I thoroughly enjoyed my time as a member of the alliance. I am grateful to each and every member of this former incarnation of Cognitive fabrication and to every member of Arthropoda that not only played an active role in the development of the coven but contributed to the sheer volume of activity it exhibited. Those contributing members made it an awesome experience...and have ultimately changed how I want to experience this site from here on out.
Present - I suppose that brings me to...the present day. I currently have...God...I mean Cancer only knows how many profiles I have. The thing of it is, I am not very active on my alternate accounts. I create them because I foolishly believe they will allow me to experience this website in some new or exciting way. With the creation of each new profile...the site doesn't change, I don't change. Things don't change. But yeah, I've got an awfully large amount of profiles. I've even had profiles I've created, leveled for a while and given away to friends so they could participate in Cognitive Fabrication. So I guess, those profiles served a purpose afterall. They allowed some great people to be able to join my coven where as they would not have been able to do so had I not had those extra profiles lying around. In all seriousness, I currently have...hang on, let me count them up; I think I have six profiles. Could be more. I consider this profile to be my primary account. This profile was actually my alternate account back in the day when I had a sire profile that I used to master the original cf. Then, I did away with that account, and when I decided to return to vr...I took up using this profile full time, as my primary account. I'm not certain why but it feels right. It's a weird feeling but sometimes when logged into alternate accounts something doesn't feel quite right but returning to this account is like...slipping into an old, comfortable sweater, or shoe, or pajama pants, or something, it just feels right. Nevermind, this username just feels right. The profile that I use most often, besides Nevermind, would be my account that goes by the usernames, Oddity. This profile was created when I first began using photoshop and came about as a means through which to explore and experiment with photoshop. The portfolio on that account contains a large amount of the projects I have made for this site. I have quite a few alternate accounts, another of which being the sire account I use to master the current version of Cognitive Fabrication.
I mentioned earlier how the first incarnation of CF and the members that participated in that coven changed the way I wish to experience this site. What I meant by that was...after being the be all end all, the head guy in charge of such a thriving and exciting coven, I knew without a doubt that I wouldn't be happy being just a regular, every day coven member. I can, will, and do participate in other societies via alternate accounts in the position of coven member, but I have CF. I'm able to happily participate in other societies because I do have my own coven. I do have complete creative freedom. I have the ability to create and cultivate a coven with the type of atmosphere that I want for myself and my members. My goal in bringing back my coven was not to have it be exactly as it had been. Before I had disbanded the coven it had become a considerable size. I had a habit of inducting anyone and everyone that had reached level twenty and/or was eligible for induction. Not only that, but as I said CF was a member of the alliance of Arthropoda. Tons of people had access to CF. I had made up my mind that this time around the new incarnation of CF would be a rather small group of people. Specifically it's just a coven containing a small number of really good, trustworthy friends. Luckily enough I happen to be friends with some of the most intelligent, creative people this website has to offer, so keeping the numbers small worked out quite well for me. These people are of a similar mind and temperament as myself. We all know each other, we've all known each other for quite some time and we get along so well. I started out with the goal of creating a specific type of energy/atmosphere within my coven. I didn't want any of that sandbox nonsense, but I did want some fun. I wanted things to be lighthearted, but thoughtful. I wanted things to be active but comfortable. My members, these friends of mine, participated in the original CF, and while I intended to keep things small I still wanted the content of the coven forum to live up to that and the standards of the previous coven. I wanted the coven to be a place in which people actively participated and were eager and happy to do so. I wanted things to be...well...I wanted to create a homey atmosphere for my members and myself. I'm happy to say that I feel that's exactly what I have done. I've created a home for myself and my members here. I'm not saying that just as the master of Cognitive Fabrication but as a former society jumper/coven hopper. I have found/created a place that suits what I want in a coven perfectly. This is...well...for us it's where we need and want to be. I really appreciate my coven members participating in the original coven, and am happy that it made such a lasting impression on them that they've joined this version of CF. I really do appreciate them. I don't necessarily feel that I've described CF sufficiently, but hell if this description isn't good enough you can find it described/spoken about on several other profiles of mine around this place.
|Member Since:||Jan 13, 2011|
|Last Login:||Feb 23, 2020|