VENGEANCE's Profile at Vampire Rave.

My Coven Crest Shown With Pride

My Alliance Crest Shown With Pride

Vengeance is Mine

My work injects me into the dark side of life and my family brings me back to the light of sanity. I walk this edge of insanity never able to make sense of what I see. There is never an understanding for the evil that man commits against the innocent, the young, the old, the helpless, just this insight into a world of hate and violence. I pickup the pieces of broken lives, battered bodies, lifeless souls and I am unable to show emotion out of fear of losing control of my own reality.

“Control of my own reality”, that sounds so strange to me even as I say it. I sense that there is no real control; it is just an illusion that we create to tell ourselves that it is going to be okay. In a world of complete disorder and confusion I stare into the endless darkness of all this madness and each day I feel a little more of the person I use to be drift away. I no longer recognize the face that stares back at me in the mirror.

I have searched for answers to the why. But there are none to be found. I try to understand the thought process, make sense of the senseless. But there is no understanding. Madness has no reason, and evil has no conscience. They just are. The maddening reality that it will never end, it is going to only get worse, is sometimes almost too much to take. But I go on; trying not to show how it is affecting me.

The badge that I wear is referred to as a shield by some and is positioned over my heart. The old timers will tell you that it is placed there in hope that if you are shot it might shield your heart from the bullet, but in my mind it is symbolically shielding my soul from all the images I face day after day, call after call. It is there to keep me impartial to what I see so that I might treat the person who has just maimed or killed with the same compassion I show his or her victim. The metal is cold and hard and is the balance that offsets my compassion and warmth so that I can continue to do my job.

I remember when I first put on the badge. It felt so good and it shined as brightly as I felt. I was so excited about my future and the path I had chosen, unfortunately I was blind and ignorant to the reality of what I was going to face and deal with day after day. I am not dealing with the picture perfect part of society, just the opposite. I deal with those who can no longer cope in a structured environment and choose to act out against a society that they choose to no longer be a part of.

They lie to, steal from, beat, rape, and kill the ones they envy because their victims have what they want and it is easier for them to take than it is for them to earn what they desire. They are evil in its simplest form. They act without any care or regard of the consequences their actions might bring. There is no defense or true protection from their violence because it can never be predicted, so we are left to just cleanup the aftermath and hope that we will be lucky enough to catch this demon before another life can be touched and changed forever.

It is this continued seeping bile in our society that leaves its stain upon me. It is a feeling of disgust and filth that can not be cleansed. It is a foul sickening fermented odor that causes you to gag with every breath you take. It is a part of life that most will never see or hear and a few will come to know and fear.

For me it may be too late. I have seen the pain and hurt in the face of a small child unable to cry anymore from the torment of what has been his existence, to only find peace in his short life as he drew his final breath. The battered old man who no longer is able to protect himself, scared to speak up against an abusive family member because he has no where else to go. The bloodied, beaten down wife afraid to leave, because society has set her up to be the domestic partner who stays at home while the man goes out into the world to earn an existence. She is afraid to leave because she has no job skills and has been convinced that she is damaged goods and that no one else would want her. She feels trapped with no way out. So she stays till one day when one punch too many finally claims her life and she finally has found her escape.

Now I find myself in thought that is foreign to what I once believed. Should my hand now become the sword of vengeance for those who cry out for revenge? If I set myself up as judge and jury over those who escape punishment for their wrong doings, will I only become what I hate the most? Is it insanity or is it returning to a more sane way to deal with the demons. I search deep inside myself for an answer or maybe I search for a way of condoning such actions and calling it justice.

To those who prey upon the innocent, your deeds have changed me and the path that I now walk. Your crimes have not gone unnoticed and will not fade with the passing of time. There will come a day of reckoning when you will be answerable to the evil you have done and the hands of justice will bring you to your end. Vengeance of the just shall be swift and true, there will be no bargaining or deals, just absolute and finality. “Vengeance is mine” say the Lord. But that was another place and another time. This is now and it belongs to me.

Member Since:	Oct 21, 2010
Last Login:	Dec 20, 2010
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