~*~*~ My Epiphany ~*~*~
::Sits disheveled and exhausted, my body embraced by the frigid cold that steals my warmth and torments my bones. I tremble and shiver::
I KNOW I should be sleeping .. my body begs me for it. How do you rest when your body is afflicted with such pain?? I did not come here to lament, but to testify! And I am not sure how it will be recieved. I am in utter glory of it .. THE TRUTH REVEALED .... even as I sit and try to express the clarity and profoundness of it, i know it will be futile and feeble. Lacking in the power, and intense conviction that washed over me as I realized the "simple " logic of it!
I was lounging about and indulging myself with some reading, until I grew too tired to see the pages I, willfully, let my mind wander. (interjects with a smile. Not "unattended this time!.. :smirks:: My thoughts settled almost instinctively on you.) I was there comfortable in my thoughts of you and of you for myself. When a word resounded thounderously into my head .. CONFLICT!!! I contemplated it and considered at great lengths why...the constant conflict. I do not provoke you with disrespect, with defiance, or ignorance. I am bound loyal to you and devoted in my service. Have no doubt.
"WHY???," the questioned burned intensely. There must be some logic and resolve to it...no matter how ancient and evident those truths are. So further my weary mind pondered. I knew I would not rest until I had some sort of conclusion and resolution. I knew very well, I would not find it in your patient reassurances, no matter how ethereal. I did, however, contemplate your desire and creation of me, the conditions and concepts of my design, by your hand FOR YOU. This birthed of darkness and depravity, revelled in my beauty and cunning. All through it, the most deadly and ruthless seductress, armed with my superior intellence and arrogance .. vehemently devoted and loyal to your considerations and commands. I warmed to the depraved and demented debauchery that conceived in you the very first thoughts of me. Your passion validated and evident in my very being and existence. You reigned supreme!!!
You had everything you had ever laid claim to and no expense was spared in your accquistions. You could claim with, deep conviction, your every desire or mere passing thought and it was delivered to you willingly, into your very hand, tailored to your exact specifications. In this alone .. I was consumed with pride and belonging! I stand gloriously in that part of your darkest desires that you have brought to me life and legacy....created in and of the abyssal void .. from your VERY thoughts. Each part of me was cast deliberately and perfect. I am humbled and honored to serve you. But my glorious revelation was shortened, when another thought crept forth.
What is dark ... without Light? ... and virtue ?? What fears and terrors would the murky shadows hold? If the light was not cast on them to reveal the hidious and ominous tortures that hide lurking within, the darkness would be void. It would not stand in the glorious forboding of untold and unseen horror. It would stand upon a mute and impotent testament, to the hue of NOTHINGINESS. Would that become my only significance? The simple significance...of Hue? After all of your concerted efforts? None should tremble .. or be lost within me ...... It is insulting to think that I was created to reign with a fierce passion and superiority in my being. When in reality, there was no way to make it visible. So I sat .. repeating out loud the questions, "What is darkness without light? What is Light? without darkness?"
You knew fully, the calculating of your deliberate design and desire for each of us. One cannot exist without the other, but in reality, we can never exist at the same time and within the same place. In certain dimensions and circumstances, we share the blending of our intense and individual charactersistics. We are sisters...celestial...sharing the same sky. But our unique differences, are the very things we covet in each other. No amount of condemnation or conflict will sway us. Alone, we are nothing!!! It is in our contrast of design that binds us together! We are condemned to see each other from afar.
The light can never live in darkness and darkness cannot exist in the light. So by your design, we are bound and bonded, yet, we are eternally segregated...as is the sun and moon. We are each valued and cast in our own separate molds...each of us with a very distinct purpose. That in and of itself is conflicting. The very nature of what we are ..separately threatens the very existance of the other. But without the balance of each, they both become insignificant. I had to understand that you seek balances. This truth was opened to me and I am accepting of it. You are ever so calculating. (smiles at you with reverence and admiration) I
stand before you honored to be in the presence of M'Lord and creator. The conflict is resolved. I pray it is the last time I struggle with this and the last time you have to endure this suffering. I am grateful for your patience with me. You know that I am not lacking in intelligence or in the abilty to seek and require the truth. I may not be promptly astute at times, but given proper time to analyze a situation, I will eventually come to its realization. In your truths, I will gladly wait in anticipation and not waiver in faith of your conviction to plan and and reveal the "bigger" picture. (smiles) I hope sincerely that these are not the demented ramblings of a mind exhausted.
Your ever faithful,
"Solicitee" aka Shyanne Greydove.