The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

There have been some major waves in a small pool. Causing lots of destruction to the outer container, my heart. I've been

lonely, tried to no be...

succeeded for awhile...then I feel twenty times more...and I know this is not the generation for a loving bleeding

heart to think that he's going to get treated correctly. I know of a few women who talk about such a love and

romanticize the idea, but would never actually put such things into practice. These women have told me that they

love me....want to be with me...then they just find someone who is more like them...more like the side of them

that they don't want to be....because its easy....no effort in staying the same....its comfortable...you know

what to expect even if its not what your heart truly desires...there is certain peace and relief in the

familiar. so I try to find one until I become bored or lonely enough to give up and then fall back to some

purely carnal relationship that keeps my bed warm and my nuts empty with all kind of shit talking and general small

talk kinda fun shit laughing having a good time and this shit goes well until I realize that she couldn't

really care less if I were dead tomorrow...or would take care of me until im better if I was sick. this shit

bothers me. where are those women I know with the desires for real love...true love...off somewhere feeling the

dulling of another plastic relationship. ready to just burst into tears and a war cry at the same time...

hands to the sky...in disgust of myself...in disgust of the world and its unknown true inhabitants....but

mostly distain for not allowing enough time and causing myself so much bullshit for no reason. definitely

not worth it. BUT THE ONE THAT I LOVE SAID SHE LOVED ME. I should be one of those special ones with the love that

keeps thirty years bright as the first day. what happened, just saw someone else on the way to me who caught there

attention for the last five years. screaming to the sky because you let yourself love someone who you knew was not

even operating on that same wave link and didn't give an infant rat shit ether way. just like me, wondering why I did

the same shit expecting different results...insanity. but when you're looking for true love....through all

the pain and anguish of realization that it just probably wont happen for ya?......


.......that skirt bouncing juuust the right way will drive you CRAZY..and the next few weeks you can

spend locked up in a room some where taking out your "frustrations" :, and those screams of her relief bring on

the healing of your soul.. and even though she probably doesn't care....she's only known you a night....shell

tell you she loves you but i was nothing a day ago...you had all this bravado...this

swagger of badassness. and in away I feel I over came myself as I observe you lying weaved with sheets sprawled out

motionless. and now ill feel bound to you as you learn to tell yourself what you feel is love...and that im the

object of it. and ill feel fucked up to leave and walk off. but I cant tell you that shit if its a lie...and

honestly its all too much. but what happened to the me looking...longing after love and timeless caring. that

trap, I will keep clear. because the emotions you're feeling aren't love....and im not willing to blind myself for

half contentment....no more lies. besides....ive felt love...and this is definitely not it. I love the one who

made me feel the way i do in my dreams with only a glance in her eye...the one that is awake...her heart free of

delusions...why cant she see me though? I can see her like she's sitting on a mountain top snow covering every inch

but the circle around her. why wont she see me? or even can she? ill love her.. but she must come to me...I

refuse to chase...when she comes its where she wants to be.....so ill wait. two days or twenty years.



"most people have a full measure of life, and most people just watching slowly drip away. but if you can summon it all up, at one time, in one place, you can accomplish something glorious."

-rameres highlander two-