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What is a friend? The person who plays lookout for you without passing judgement? The person professing their undying loyalty? How about the one who plays your personal shrink/priest who listens and absolves you for your trespasses? Well, I pose this question to those of you who believe themselves to be knee-deep in loyalty of the highest order -- when the proverbial shit hits the fan have you found your number of "friends" grow exponentially, disappear or remain? Now, tell yourself the truth. For all those we whorishly push the label of "friend" upon, the fact is one can be sure the real total amounts to the digits on their hand -- if at all.

Without surprise, this digital world is not too dissimilar from reality from this aspect. I admit, I tend to believe too much in the potential I want to see in people and inevitably make my crown of thorns to wear when I am let down. Still, I rise. Still, I compromise. Still, I try to find that kernel of empathy, of loyalty, of understanding the scope of responsibility that goes with calling someone friend.

I love and hate equally. More out of frustration than anything. People can be so predictable it's like being stuck in one of the levels of hell!! This particular hell is known as the "Repetition of Humanity". Fire is hot, it burns and hurts but people still stick their hands in the flame; sometimes the same person more than once.

Am I on another level or a bloody caveman? Should I leave my brethren to work on their square wheel while I concentrate on flying until they get it together? Or do I offer to help and guide only to have some nonce bludgeon me with their primitive club, yet again...

Does your faith carry a limit, if you have any? what is that limit? If it's your faith, should there even be one?

This is completely up to you. Once bitten twice shy is a timeless adage that applies indiscriminately. It is not hard at all to revert to a a caveman school of thought when faced with the ugliness of our True Nature. But people fail to see that that wipes away all good progress that we have achieved. It is a subjective question to be approached objectively. This is the virtual world and even if it were the non-virtual world, to be misled, hurt, and lied to is quite common. It's all about the meeting of the minds. If youre not on the same wavelength, nothing might work out. Faith is where the subjective meets the objective state of mind. So yeah.

A very thought provoking post. One that has been pondered over for centuries.

A true honest to goodness 'friend' will remain true to THEMSELVES around you. They will not feel the need to hide anything. In so doing, they will expose their own underbelly to you, making them JUST as vulnerable and expose their own shortcomings among other things.

It is a MUTUAL bond, one that is shared and completely given unconditionally. It is true the term 'friend' is used just as loosely as the terms 'hate' and 'love' or 'never' and 'always' ... these words hold more credence than we realize.

I myself, have two TRUE friends. It has taken me 30 years of my life to develop a sense of self and make this call. Am I out to forge a collective to follow under me and hold the title of 'popular'? Under NO circumstances is that my calling. People come and go in my life. It is as sure as death is all of our fates.

I continue to remain guarded. ESPECIALLY on the internet. You never know who is behind the screen. I even expect that those reading these words have no way to even know or make a clear determination of who I may be.

It is your decision who to let in.. it is part of your journey of self discovery, and learning. You will get hurt. You will have memories of happiness from sharing experiences with some. In the long run... we need to remember, who is with us the longest? Who can we never escape? Ourselves. So as long as you rely and remain true to yourself, you will find peace and security and confidence along your path.

Good luck hun! Looking forward to seeing other's takes on this very wonderful subject!

~Niffy

loyality plays a huge part of what many call a real friendship

but it is still a rarity to find a friend who can tolerate you at your worst but when you do
that is the number person you should count on besides yourself

a real friend doesn't pat you on the back when your heading strait to hell


they are the person that throws you over their shoulder
saying
hey f*****
your not going to the party without me

because I got the ice water

as they jump head first in hellfire with you

Sleeper?! Loved that response. Totally on point.

While it's a needle in a haystack of poo-filled hay, it does exist -- and when it shows it's true colors, yours is the definition I most believe in.

*gold star*

to go a a little old school in a saying I keep hearing


if you can not tolerate me at my worst

you belong nowhere near me when I am at my best



it takes real inner strength and courage and to witness a little bit of hell
to be a real friend

how could anyone else possibly understand or withstand the trails you will face from birth.


so by that statement


only warriors have real friends

When the shit hits the fan most "friends" run for cover.

The reason for that is rather simple, in life, that is your entire life, you are lucky if you have 5 people pass through it, that you can truly call a friend. Meaning the ones you refer to as friends are not.So when I hear that so and so on VR is "my best friend", and knowing you have never met so and so. I find that funny.

Of course, maybe we expect to much from people. Most will not stand with someone whether right or wrong. Most don't have the backbone for a fight whether physical or mental.

I guess it depends upon the nature of the wrong. There are wrongs and then there are WRONGS.

Me? I'm simple. There are just a couple I will stand with, physically, mentally or financially even if they are WRONG.

To know is to act.

And knowing IS half the battle!

You're quite right LF, toward the end-game of one's life, to be able to cunt off 5 people that have remained true is priceless. (TO be extremely old and senile, plus recognize these 5, is pure gold!)

I have a romanticized view of what I wish for humanity. However, I carry the common-sense of respecting and understanding that, while more often than not, people will let you down.

When I see random acts of kindness, or witness true loyalty/honor -- I feel like I am witnessing something ethereal and it tattoos itself in my mind because, deep down, I care. To see others care, when there is nothing to gain for that person, is one of the most beautiful rarities of human nature.

The not-so recent outbreak of SARS revealed one of these rarities of Human Nature. I also witnessed some ugliness in the form of "Flight". Not everyone can be in sync with what's going on around them. Ignorance plays a part in deciding if these random acts bring out the best or worst side of people. To know is to.understand. Once that is out of the way, the individual is no longer a mere Individual, but part of something greater. It prolly makes them feel all warm and fuzzy inside when something nice is done. :) After all, Pleasure is what society is aiming for... Whatever form that may take.

I live with my Son, which soon will be moving out. I do not have a single friend that can say that he or she put a foot in my house. I do know many people, which I called them, co-workers. In today world, trusting someone, can become a living hell. So, The honesty of the past, has been changing with the pass of time, that by now, honesty is just a thing of the past. I don't trust nobody.

lordess, that was a very thought provoking response. You are so right when you sum up one of the basic comic denominators of human nature: pleasure... And SARS, lol, yep you went there... But you're not wrong, either.

666, Im sorry life is moving at a pace that leaves you finding yourself losing your son to the inevitability of growing up and moving on to his next chapter.... Are you saying that youve been let down enough that there's no room for faith/redemption to let anyone in?

I ask because Ive done that, and it really took its toll on me. To the point, I had to reassess whether or not i was going to have to find a cave somewhere, or exercise some faith. That was the hardest for me. Faith.

As people grow and we take on experience,we change.Our
views,ideas and philosophies also change.If you are good friends with
someone,that does not mean that you will not drift apart several years later.
In the end your life is yours' alone and no one else's.
So to keep friendships,real friendships,one must have shared
joy,sorrow and real life experiences.Otherwise it's just a group of
"homies" or "buddies" if one were to revert to high school slang.

Don't get me wrong. I socialize with my fellows humans, but, only to a point. I am an X military and for sure, we don't trust anyone. My life so far, perfect, can't ask for more.

Growing old is not a given that you will become senile. Speaking from experience since I am on in years, you become removed from things. You don't understand the slang of the times, you think how people dress and interact is amusing. What I have seen is people have become too self involved and stand offish. Many don't know who their neighbors are anymore. We have to lock our doors because in this day and age there are predators of all ages all around us. We live in fear. Much of the world is in a war. No one trusts anyone else and especially not our governments. People very rarely live in traditional family situations anymore. As you get older you lose track of those you thought of as friends. When you find each other again, if you do, the link you had in the past may very well be gone. Nothing lasts for ever unfortunately.

The bottom line is if your friend's family will be impacted in a very negative way by something happening in your life...they will opt for their family and generally will not stand behind you and that may be true for relatives as well. I have only one person I can call a true friend over the years. People can't help but judge each other but a real friend rises above that. A real friend accepts you for who you are and they are there when you need them. One cannot expect someone to be real with you if it is one sided either but you also need to know when certain things should be kept to yourself. When you move on in years and that would be in their late sixties onward, many times those friends have died including a spouse. It is hard to make new friends in this age of technology where most are not into face to face activities many times due to time constrictions and the worries about getting by in the world. You have to rely on yourself first but leave the door open for others.