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Why has it when we are hurt by someone we tend to internalize the hurt instead of expressing it?

We learn that love, true love I feel has joys and sorrow, seems ever present, yet it is never quite the same after being hurt by those we love. How it feels as though it becomes more than love and less than love at times, so difficult to define. They mention you learn that through it all, you really can endure, that you really are strong, that you do have value, yet you never forget and upon recalling that hurt places you back at the beginning.

And how we know its anger, but we don’t wish to admit that for how can we ever become angry with those we care so deeply for? And how can we tell to those we care so deeply for that we are angry at them, to save them from hurt? So what do we do, we redirect our anger inward, become depressed and feel guilty and worthless. While we all suffer blows to our self-esteem from time to time, I have come to see that those whom are disheartened tend to have allowed their guilt to erode the very foundations of their goodness leaving to have difficulty finding any meaning in life.

Least I shall get to share time with them in my dreams, all I wish is the dream would remain a dream when I come to wake.

we're masochists. It's eiter to withhold this form others and hold it within. Sometimes we're deprived for words and find ourself drowning in our own distress.

another thing is that we never really want to hurt others...even when they have hurt us so instead of saying or doing hurtful things back we pack it down....in an attempt to try to deal with it in other ways...but you have to actively seek other routes of release as too much built up will eat at you....and remember there are times when just yelling at a person may be the best course of action...

yelling doesnt really resolve anything. It aggrevates the situation. Talking peacfully is the best alternative ( although most of us omit that action ).

Re:yelling doesnt really resolve anything. It aggrevates the situation. Talking peacfully is the best alternative ( although most of us omit that action ).


How I have the same opinion, I on no account shout, or become overly upset and show irritation or discourse, though how frustration resides. I feel there is a profound need for an exchange of thoughts, ideas for there to be any resolve, so that there is understanding as to why and not only given an answer of “because” and be left to wonder.

Though how is it to be expected when asked before and given nothing, how does one keep from upsetting another by asking again…and why is it they pay no heed to answer you, rather to close their eyes and go on or go silent and mention they do not wish to fight, when it isn’t a fight to begin with?

Re: Daermon, always insightful thank ya...wish I only understood and knew those routes...lol

What does not kill you only makes you stronger. I feel anger, anxiety, and deppression a sense of reality like other emotions to play out a situation. If I was harmed bye a loved one, I certainly would not bottle it up and forget the actions taken against me. When people hold on to negative emotions I feel they are holding on a thought that is derived from pre excesting shame from family and friends. We feel shame about our journals,are looks ,our emotions toward another person, and we have shame cause in our youth or somewhere alomg the line we have been shamed about our emotions.

i agree with Deity

Well in my case (it could apply to you maybe but i hate to generalise) its a chink in my armour that I don't want my mates to see or my enemies.Why let them hurt you more or make your mates think that you are weak when they need you to be strong 4 them................oh well I once got told to just "suck it up" so I do I only ever release ot on my time when am ready so well theres my 2pence :-)

we hold it in, or repress because we are not taught proper coping skills when we are young. therefore, we lash out, or shut down emotionally. as we get older we find we can use drugs or alcohol to also numb or quiet the demons temporarily. this is merely a bandaid though. under the anger is sadness. the anger just gives you a false sense of control over the situation, and therefore escaping momentarily the utter helplessness you are drowning in. there are ways out of this dark abyss. takes work...and not everyone is willing to do it. if youve known drama all your life, you tend to hold onto it, because its familiar, no matter how dysfunctional it is. its what you know....but things can change and you can learn/experience a better way of living. =) was that too much? ha, sorry.....i got going.

I totally agree with the importance of being aware that humans internalise negative emotions. My recent ex-boyfriend had a lot of bad things happen to him and he internalised it. What we have to learn is that we are NOT bottomless pits, we get full of emotions and need to let them out. He did it by getting drunk all the time and treating everyone around him like shit and using alcohol as the excuse. We have to find ways to let out our anger... which is easier said than done.

i definitely agree with Jamie, she best described it
*smiles*

I express my emotions so i dont end up with rage

I'm gonna post something huge here, because it's directly related.

When i was younger and more vulnerable to third party experiences i was changed much by... lets call it Mr. Thing.

I spent a lot of time with Mr. Thing. and Mr. Thing took up a lot of my mind. Mr Thing was always on my mind in some form and i would always go back to it.

Eventually, when Mr Thing could be enjoyed no more, i stopped. But the after effects were not good. I would see things i wasn't meant to see and i would get the same things that were shown to me by Mr Thing. which were mainly my vision going white and high pitched noises

I didn't know what was going on and it confused and scared the hell out of me. i spent months inside my own head trying to figure it out because i knew nobody else had the answers. I consulted with Mr Thing again, but it gave no answers.

This significantly changed my life. and slowly i started to act like Mr Thing did, i slowly realised this and i became less like myself and more like Mr Thing. i would uncontrolable do things that Mr Thing had shown to me.

I eventually stopped pondering about the why's and how's and just accepted who i was inside. then a few more bad things happened with my life just as i was recovering that sent me once again inside my own head.

I got lost in my own head, the thoughts, the feelings all rush by very fast. Like rivers of information. I found it almost trance like to do that, going over every point to fully understand it.

Of course after the second batch of bad things i recovered and went onto an online forum (not this one :O) but i met some of the best people. One specifically has made me who i am today, and i owe her much.

I do have my dark side and i do end up slipping into that previous state of mind. But then i think of the things i have been taught by people, and not only that but the wonderful people around me. and i put away that dark side. It's there, i've just turned it into a much more productive dark side. he'll only come out when needed.

Man that WAS big... sorry

The lack of will primarily could cause someone to bottle up such fierce emotions. I often bottle up whatever negativity I have, unfortunately when it does manage to seep through.. the times are not fun for any parties involved. However, expressing those feelings are something I learned to accomplish, like many others, through art.

I figured... if this world will try to destroy me, then I will try to control the destruction with my own brand of calm.

Well.. let me see if I can explain this.... I normally dont hold back anger. If I am angry with someone I will let them know. Sometimes its in a nice mannor sometimes well, Its like bringing Satan to recess. I tend to mostly hold back hurt and sad emotions. I rarely cry. I have always been a strong person and for someone to have hurt me that bad its almost like a sign of weakness for me. So I dont react. I have been the strong person in my family. Also my friends always comment on what a strong person I am. I guess I am living up to my " persona". If I do cry its normally not infront of someone. I can count on 1 hand the people that have seen me cry. Its a very personable thing for me you could say. I let things go tho so I don't self distruct. Well, unless Revenge is in order... hehe

I just bottle it up and pack and refine it into a distilled liquor of vileness that I wait to spray on someone whom truely deserves it.....

but honestly I think I bottle it 'cause by the time I figure out what I should be feeling it's no longer appropreate to express it.....

and it's not like burning it off is hard to do

I think eveyone's pretty much on the same page as to why we internalize our hurt and anger ... mostly it's becasue we don't truly wish to hurt those around us ... and it's pretty much proven in many cases that when we hurt or are angry ... it effects not only how we act and what we say ... but it effects or family and friends ... even the ones we speak to online....

I bottle up my feelings, because I have been hurt too many times in the past by people. Emotions are a weakness that can (and will) be used against you by your enemies.
------I know I have a biased view, can't help my past though------

I think we internalize hurt/rage and maybe all our emotions out of fear of being hurt worse by them in return. I will lash out at people, anger is not something I have great control over. But everything else is kept hidden.

These were my two shiny pennies worth.

Some people think more of the person that hurt them I guess, than they do of themselves.

For me, I do not bottle up anything up - I let it out at the time, but I remember the people who have betrayed me and have little respect for their intregrity in any future dealings.

For me, it's been very hard to let my feelings out. I internalize my pain and it's very unhealthy for me. Part of it came fromt he fact my parents don't listen, when we argue my mom will say what she has to say and leave the room, leaving it unresolved, and I need to talk about things to get past them, but bringing ir up at a later ,calmer time only rubs salt in the wound. I don't like burdening others with my problme either, so that's why I keep my emotions bottled up, simply put there's never anyone around when I need them.

I remember the pains too when I once lived with my parents, but I thank them now because it made me wise and stronger in my life.