The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I am sure that some of you have met the type - whether they know they are or not.

The person that drains your energy and emotions, whether you spend 5 minutes, or all day, with them.

"A parasite can feed off you mentally, emotionally or energetically. I refer to these people collectively as emotional vampires. And when you are around them, you may feel physically tired, drained, sleepy, weak, agitated, low, small, inadequate, low spirits, hopeless, trapped or afraid." (from http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2009/06/10/dealing-with-emotional-vampires/)

I ask because I have one as an employee, and am looking for tips on how to protect myself from their draining effects, while still doing my job well. I read through the above mentioned article, however, it is hard to keep my shield up at work - sometimes I have to lower it to empathize with my employees that need help, and, obviously, as this person's boss, I cannot cut them out of my life or avoid/minimize my interactions with them too much, as I am required to provide assistance when asked.

So, any stories on this (in my experience rare - this is only the second one I have known) type of vampire? Have you met any, and, if so, how did you cope?

Such people are social deficient, they have to use any interaction to press themselves on others, they commonly lack any dimension, or remarkable character.

They capitalize on captive audience (very inappropriately) they make every statement with a self derogatory inclination.
They pause after every trivial statement they make about themselves, obviously expecting empathic reception, they mope unless they have your undivided attention..

They chain topic everyone (sports, family concerns, TV shows.. ) until they get a ding topic. The one thing is once they get your undivided attention, they go nowhere with it, they slump like mud, hoping you take up the merriment, and amuse them.

Their motto, and Mantra is "I am bored!"


How to deal with them?

keep them occupied, and if they try to hook you in conversation tell them to save it for a break, then time your break before or after theirs.

Don't share personal information with them, or with others around them.

If they corner you S&N (smile and nod) then feign a project somewhere else.


Good luck.

I wouldn't call them vampires
as much as I would call them annoying people...
Many people have this issue... where they are just
over all negative.
The name "Emotional Vampire" is more of a description
of how a person can drain you...
but they are just negative people... in a whole.

There are many factor in human interaction that can be draining
to call them vampires for the fact that they can drain you would make everyone a vampire to an extent....

Exercise can drain someone physically.
Books can drain someone mentally [studying and such]
but that doesnt make these inanimate
objects vampires...

but yes... they are VERY annoying and quite depressing.

They need to be validated by other, they have no engagement skills, and they bog others when they are depressed, "everyone should be depressed because I am!" "Everyone should be ecstatic when I am." so GoC is correct their is more going on the "Sucking" emotions, they are Social Bogs. mentally overcompensating for undeveloped social skills, it may not be their fault, they may have had parents that handicapped them socially. The ones that do it intentionally are the sociopathic types, and that is just one tool in their arsenal.

another approach is to put them on the spotlight, when they are trying to graft onto you "wave length". They will retreat rather then be exposed with no or shallow interest in the topic. Keep them busy with file type task. Imply that everything you have them do is very important.

It helps build esteem that they lack, and may draw them out of the practice of being a social slug. Some people just need a nudge.

I appreciate all your input, and got a few ideas to try out. As far as giving them "important" work to do, I wish I had that ability, but alas, I work in a call center - so they can either continue to answer the phone calls as they come in, or I can pull them for other tasks, which will either be obvious mundane delegated crap, or supporting those that can, and do, work when they have questions (which I would not unleash on anyone that cares enough to try and be successful).

That being said, I have worked to limit my interactions with this person to work only, and I have set clear boundaries, one of which is to take breaks off of the production floor where we work, and another is to email me if there is an issue with a coworker, and let me handle it (as opposed to cornering me somewhere and venting for 20 minutes).

Those things have helped somewhat...thank the gods.

I do not try and let that happen to me.
But many times easier said then done.
I know someone I swear they missed
a opportunity to be on a soap opera.
The drama, but everyone else's fault but their own.

I just told her that it is time she took respondsability for her own actions.
It is her own free will.

Vampire No
Drama Queen...very much so.

Great posts Dabbler , very informative and well put.

I don't know all the details but sounds like a person that has a lack of good social skills. This can be very draining if the person is always having conflict on the job. It is not physical but mental due to frustration. Then there are those they use to call the psychic leech but this doesn't sound like that type of person. Most of these titles when referring to a vampiric are "feeding" styles and not types of vampires regardless of how it is stated. The community just tends to identify themselves in this manner.

Emotional feedings can be from negative emotions or positive or a combination of both. If they are stirring the pot then rather than being called an emotional vampire, they usually get referred to as this:

Chaotic Vampires: Those that typically incite negative or hostile energies in either an individual or group situation causing an increase in emotional energies from which they are able to feed. Such vampires are able to readily feed from frenzied or unpatterned energy. (VVC/AVA)

A psychic leech which spiritualists use for identifying some is not necessarily a vampiric. There are just those types of people when in a crowd seem to cause havoc and cause a draining effect but they are not actually feeding off the energy. They are a social pariah. Good luck because your best bet in my opinion is still to shield.

These are some definitions and terminology listed by Sanguinarius on her site. You have to understand that even in the community they do not agree on labels which are only ways that vampirics feed anyway. Hers are slightly different than what you will find listed at the AVA (Atlanta Vampire Alliance) They have more information on vampirism probably than anyone else. There are various sources. I went to the link but it was just some guy's blog. It isn't there now. I personally don't identify by labels really although I have them. Most often an emotional energy vampire would call themselves empathic. It doesn't have this negative connotation.

------------------------------------------------------------

A psychic vampire, in psychiatric terms, is someone who drains emotional energy without giving anything back, and can make the other person very tired, depressed, emotionally unbalanced, or worse, if too much is drained; an emotional vampire. Katharine Ramsland discusses this in depth in her book, Piercing the Darkness, (Harper Prism, 1998), pp. 190-196, referred to as "covert vampire". (See also "psychological vampirism".)

Psychic vampire attack:
An uninvited and unwelcome draining of one's vital energy, or chi or pranic energy. A psychic vampire attack occurs when a psi-vampire targets someone and feeds or attempts to feed. This can be done from casual contact, from across a room, or even through dreams. These attacks are not always just for draining; they can also be an attack on the mind itself, causing the target to hear, see, and feel things. Attacks of this nature can range from mild to very severe, sometimes leaving the victim despondent or even physically sick from being drained so. It's debated whether one can become a psychic vampire from repeated severe psi-vampire attacks. In general, though, this seems only to produce a condition known as sympathetic vampirism.

She also mentions this:

Psychological vampirism:
These individuals often have a histrionic or narcissistic personality disorder and they are constantly drawing attention to themselves. They usually create dramatic situations and then demand emotional support from those around them. These individuals are emotional vampires. There is nothing metaphysical or spiritual in their condition, it is a simple psychological disorder. Yet it leaves the victims of these clingy, whiny people emotionally and mentally drained after dealing with them. These individuals are not to be confused with psychic, psi or energy vampires.

http://www.sanguinarius.org/terminology.shtml

If you have questions on this you can write to the VVC (Voices of the Vampire Community)

http://www.veritasvosliberabit.com/contactus.html

Thanks for the input, I will definitely check out that page. And shield myself as much as possible.

I do not think this person realizes how draining she is on those around her - it's more a case of social ineptitude + drama queen need for attention than anything else, and I admit, I used the term "emotional vampire" very loosely based off of the drained way I feel after interactions with her. I was, for a while, concerned that I shouldn't have been promoted - was doubting my ability to do this job!

But after a bit, I realized that I only felt drained by this one person - everyone else, while I may have moments of annoyance or frustration, I have no issues with.

But, thanks again for the input, I will work on throwing up a quick shield (again, too shielded and I won't be able to interact well at all with those that deserve my attention).

As far as referring to emotional vampires as empaths, I don't know that I would go that far. The English word is derived from the Greek word ἐμπάθεια (empatheia), "physical affection, passion, partiality" which comes from ἐν (en), "in, at" + πάθος (pathos), "passion" or "suffering"[1]. The term was adapted by Rudolf Lotze and Robert Vischer to create the German word Einfühlung ("feeling into"), which was translated by Edward B. Titchener into the English term empathy. Empathy is the ability to read and understand people and be in-tune with or resonate with others, voluntarily or involuntarily of one's empath capacity.

I believe I am an empath based off of the above definitions - I am highly tuned to reading people, even those I haven't known long - I noticed at a young age that not everyone has this ability, and have used it to my advantage in my field of work. I believe that, in addition to being skilled at reading body language, empaths are extra-sensitive to the energies given off to match a person's mood - kind of like aura reading (although I have never been able to see auras). I do not feed off of these emotions, they don't heighten my own energy in any way while draining the other person. I admit, that if I am not careful, I will mirror the other person (very dangerous when someone is angry), but do I take their emotions or energy from them? No.

Very well stated all. I find them annoying as well.

i met so many people like this in my life but i wondered who are they definitely got so much information in this post ..i ll implement some things!

I've never been around anyone like this before who feels draining to me, but i do tend to yawn more whenever my grandmother comes around and as posted above....it's their personality. Negative most of the time, discussions about things that aren't very interesting etc. I am pretty sure she's not vampire related. She doesn't even like the idea of vampires. I can see though why people would make such assumptions but it doesn't make it accurate.

I don't believe this particular person is intentionally draining me of all my energy and hope, nor is it necessarily the topics she discusses. Some of the topics she has broached with me before are things I normally enjoy discussing with intelligent people. Not so with her, as it's more of a ploy for attention with her, and things others say are not heard or turned against them. So, does this person claim to be a vampire, no. At least, I have not heard them state that they are.

Yes, they have a draining personality - that is why I referred to them as an emotional vampire - it's a loose term based off of the definition of a vampire as a feaster - they feast on attention and drain those around them.

Furthermore, just because a person may not like the idea of vampires doesn't make them not one (again, based loosely off of the term of them as an insatiable feaster). I don't like the idea of cancer, that doesn't make me immune from getting it.

it doesn't sound as if your grandmother is an emotional drain as much as just bores you to an extent. hahahaha!

Social abilities vary, gender, race, age, culture, and other factors influence how communication flows, and is excepted. I find that even in the chat box people have to be constantly stimulated by the chat.. this is very unrealistic to expect, nothing perpetually astonishing can last, and people who would imposes such expectations on others need to consider their role in the matter.

A 'boring" teacher, may be boring, but the subject is no less important.

The key word to leeches is negative, and redundant, or shallowness.

With some leeches it is just an adjustment to new surroundings, too desperate to be excepted.

They pass the phase. All others just know that it is only for a brief period of the day that you are exposed to them, and reinforce positive social dynamic in other coworkers, the leech will note this, and that leaves them to draw a conclusion.

A few years ago, I was friends with a perfectly ordinary housewife who was a brilliant writer, great mother, and terrific Wife.
Then her husband cheated on her, and she just crumbled.
During the long drawn-out divorce she preoceeded with, she became (in my opinion) the truest form of Emotional Vampire.

Sapping energy from everyone she came in contact with...
There was no one who could resist the black-hole like drain on their soul when she was around.
I've never experienced anything quite like this.
And she really didn't do anything to bring conversations down or talk about her failing relationship at all. She remained bright and care-free acting the whole time.

But the large group of people she was involved with all reported the same completely overwhelming and exhausting
effect she had on us.

Thank you - that is exactly the type of person I am referring to. Not necessarily dark and depressing...just...draining to be in proximity to.

Couldn't have explained it better myself.

Well I re-read your original post about your employee problem.
And unfortunately, I don't have a solution for you.
I finally had to just distance myself from the Woman
I mentioned before...and unfortunately, our whole group disbanded...we were tight too!

I recently came across some poetry this woman wrote (probably over ten years ago) and it is sooo dark. Really good stuff, but utterly dark. I have no idea where she is now. I think remarried...hopefully happier.

But everyone talks about Psi-Vampires and of course Sanguine Vamps, but they don't mention Emotional vampires, so when I read your thread, I actually knew exactly what you were talking about.

God, I don't know what you can do about this person, because I'm sure they are unaware that they have this affect on you and the staff.

a signature of such individuals is that the offset conversation, or social interaction.

Social interaction, or conversation is a give take. Say.. Validate, exchange roles.

Social leeches are either unwilling, or mentally lazy to make the effort to generate their presence in a social interaction, or conversation.

That bland, uninterested look on their face as others relate their previous weekends activities. Yet as they relate their weekend events they repeat, and emphasis at the hint of someone being distracted.

Btw, Office Gossips make leeches their sidekick. They make great bedfellows.