The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Killed it with......

Aliens (1986)

Y'know, this was supposed to be my weekend off, but noooo. You got me out here draggin' your heavy ass through the burnin' desert with your dreadlocks stickin' out the back of my parachute. You gotta come down here with an attitude, actin' all big and bad...and what the hell is that smell? I could've been at a barbecue!

Independence Day

Thank you, Santos. Did I happen to mention you're cut out of my will?

Backdraft

That wasn't no miss, Vargas. That was just to turn you 'round, so I don't have to shoot you in the back. Unless you'd rather run for it.

Touch of Evil (1958)

Well, there was the bit that you missed where I distracted him with the cuddly monkey then I said "play time's over" and I hit him in the head with the peace lily.

Hot Fuzz

It's judgment day, sinners! Come out, come out wherever you are!

The Dirty Dozen 1967

Ten years ago, I was in this bar in Alabama when two dudes started hassling me. That was their first mistake. They pulled knives. That was their second mistake. They didn't know how to use them. That was the last mistake they ever made. I got two 99-year sentences, back to back.

Escape from Alcatraz

He's a producer-slash-director-slash weirdo. He's like the Jim Jarmusch of S & M.

8mm (1999)

Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

Christmas Vacation (1989)

I'm sorry Louis, I'm so sorry, but don't make it worse! Don't!

Pet Sematary

Do I look all rancid and clotted? You look at me, Jack. Eh? Look, eh? And I drink a lot of water, you know. I'm what you might call a water man, Jack - that's what I am. And I can swear to you, my boy, swear to you, that there's nothing wrong with my bodily fluids. Not a thing, Jackie.

Dr Strangelove

I knew a guy had a car like that once. Fuckin' bastard killed himself in it. Son of a bitch was so mean, you could've poured boiling water down his throat and he would've pissed ice cubes!

Christine (1983)

A real mystery. I saw remarkable things but the only mystery I never solved was... why my heart couldn't let go of you.

The Illusionist

Oh, we walk together, and talk together, and just before we say goodbye, he takes me in his arms, and then... I wake up.

Sleeping Beauty (1959)

There is no out of here. You've been killed, don't you remember?

Jacob's Ladder

There's always something better coming around the corner. That's what she says...

The Lake House


There's no way, *no* way that you came from *my* loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!

Smokey and the Bandit (1977)

Dad, why can't you just pretend?

Little Miss Sunshine

They call them the haunted shores, these stretches of Devonshire and Cornwall and Ireland which rear up against the westward ocean. Mists gather here... and sea fog... and eerie stories...

The Uninvited (1944)

How did you get in the Navy? How did you get on our side? Oh you ignorant, arrogant, ambitious... keeping sixty-two men in prison 'cause you got a palm tree for the work they did. I don't know which I hate worse, you or that other malignant growth that stands outside the door

Mister Roberts (1955)

Do you have any marbles?

Major League II

You know the old saying: it takes a village, and it's true, especially when it comes to your mom being a gutter slut and the village is a gangbang.

Fifty Shades of Black (2016)

Well, that belonged to the little girl who lived here before you.

The Amityville Horror (2005)

Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story. Others can read the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe.

Superman (1978)

Come on. Come on, mutt. Now, look at that ball. All right. Come on, get that ball. Ah!

Enemy at the Gate

Whatever they did to me made me totally indestructible... and completely unf*ckable.

Deadpool


They are very slowly approaching the entrance!
They'll break through faster than the five minutes it took me to turn Wendy into a full blown lesbian!
Damn it! Well we need action before they turn the glass into lesbians!

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead

You're the one that's gone from being a chartered accountant to Charlton Heston!

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

There's worse things out there to be scared of than us, tonight! Trust it!

Attack the Block

Because if you die, then all of this was for nothing.

Snakes on a Plane (2006)

Who's that stumblin' around in the dark? State your business or prepare to get winged!

Django Unchained

It's called incest Arlene, and it's against the law

Dick (1999)

Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.

Uncle Buck

We need to focus on the institution, not the individual priests. Practice and policy; show me the church manipulated the system so that these guys wouldn't have to face charges, show me they put those same priests back into parishes time and time again. Show me this was systemic, that it came from the top, down.

Spotlight (2015)

Leave my daughter alone! Do you have to bring this issue up?

Mommie Dearest

You look like a little girl when you're scared.

Sicario (2015)

Well, then. Now. I'll begin at the beginnin'. A fine soft day in the spring, it was, when the train pulled into Castletown, three hours late as usual, and himself got off. He didn't have the look of an American tourist at all about him. Not a camera on him; what was worse, not even a fishin' rod.

The Quiet Man

I brought her! I'm sorry, Mr. Sinclair. She said she liked me, but I'm beginning to think she was only interested in the money!

Rat Race (2001)

I don't think he's lost. I think the bank's been offerin' extra reward money for us. I think Frank just figured on some easy pickin's, didn't ya Frank? You're no Texas Ranger. You're hardly doin' your job. You ought to be home protectin' the rights of poor folk, not out chasin' after us!

Bonnie and Clyde

Listen up! Out here, we're used to getting what we want. This is London, baby! But remember... don't bite the bait. Are you ready?

Furious 6

Sometimes dead is better

Pet Semetary

Do you even know how many hits I get on my website?

Machete (2010)

I was in the 'nam you sick fuck and I've got chunks of guys like you in my stool.

Lost After Dark

May I take your hat, your coat, and your swastikas?

The Producers (2005)

I mean millions of white European Americans came here and flourished you know within a generation so what the fuck is the matter with these people going around shooting a... fireman?

American History X (Great movie)

Don't worry about that. I'm very maternal. And Albert's practically a breast.

The Birdcage (1996)

There's an old saying: Raise no more devils than you can lay down. My father raised one too many.

Ghost Rider

Oh, my God, my ass is killing this cat!

Fun Size (2012)

He's dead, Chance. The old man's dead.

Being There (1979)

He became so powerful... the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, and then one night, his apprentice killed him in his sleep. It's ironic that he could save others from death, but not himself.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

And that my friends is the story of how aliens attacked our sleepy little town. And to this day, people refuse to believe the truth about what happened. They would lead you to believe that I would embellish this story, that I would make it up, but we know the truth.

Eight Legged Freaks (2002)

Keaton always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze.

The Usual Suspects

There's one thing you ought to know, Professor: Nemo's cracked. I've yet to see the day you can make a deal with a mad dog. So while you're feeding him sugar, I'll be figuring a plan to muzzle him.

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954)

They think we're Arab. When did Persian become Arab?

Crash

Penis! Oh my God! Penis!

Hot Pursuit (2015)

It's about a girl who gets turned into a swan and she needs love to break the spell, but her prince falls for the wrong girl so she kills herself.

Black Swan

Forget it! I'm not that drunk... well, not yet!

Reckless (1984)

For the last ten years the Central Intelligence Agency has been after Wolfgang Braun.

3 Days to Kill (2014)

A SHIP! I find *myself* being *bombarded* by an *entire ship*!

Cutthroat Island (1995)

You're beautiful to me because you're human. Your frailty. Your short years. Your heart. All that suddenly seems more precious than anything I've ever

Queen of the Damned

And sometimes, you might just get lucky in your miserable life.

Jennifer's Body (2009)

You tried. How'd that work out for you?

In the Blood

In my report I shall state that death was caused by a stunning blow followed by severe laceration and hemorrhage.

The Bat (1959)

Sixty knots? No way, Barnes. The Reds don't have anything that fast.

The Abyss (1989)

From this moment on... There will be no further reprisals against civilians. This was stupid. Impotence. Comrades... If a fox stole your chickens... Would you slaughter your pig because he saw the fox? No. You would hunt the fox... You would find where it lives and destroy it! And how do we do this? Become a fox.

Red Dawn (1984)

In the past five months, I think I've breathed freely with both sides working maybe a week total.

The War of the Roses

Now you decide: Am I a machine? Am I a human? Am I a war hero? Or am I a criminal?

The Imitation Game

It's all true. The bogeyman is real and you found him

House of 1000 Corpses

It's a penis stretcher. Do you want to try it?

Real Genius (1985)

Oh, look, that insurance just expired. Take him to F ward.

Hardwired

Well, my nuts are halfway up my ass, but other than that, I'm perfect!

Weird Science (1985)

Exactly. There's no way to win. The game itself is pointless! But back at the war room, they believe you can win a nuclear war. That there can be "acceptable losses."

WarGames

The truly frightening flaw in humanity is our capacity for cruelty - we all have it.

Dark Places (2015)

Good! Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you!

Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi

Cuz they're not sleeping with you, they're sleeping with a carefully calculated set of venal choices. Money over substance, looks over soul, polished over principles. No gesture, no matter how real or romantic will ever compensate for a really impressive list of credentials.

The Ugly Truth (2009)

This is your lunch, OK? I put a dollar in there so you can buy some milk; you can ask one of the big kids where to do that.

Mean Girls

It's not the house that is haunted. It's your son.

Insidious

county knows you'd rather herd cattle than make love.

Giant (1956)

We are the weirdos, mister.

The Craft

Yeah, I learned from your mother, dick.

Summer of Sam (1999)

Ninety-seven percent of nation wide coverage, and we get stuck in the three percent.

The Hills Have Eyes

My name is Cliff, brother of Joe. I got me some crack. I want me some hoes!

Dead Man on Campus (1998)

A hundred and sixty-two dollars and thirty-nine cents a week? Well boy! Sam, you take him outside but treat him nice, because a man that makes a hundred and sixty-two dollars and thirty-nine cents a week, we do not want to ruffle him!

In the Heat of the Night

Awards are like hemorrhoids. Sooner or later every asshole gets one.

Swimming Pool (2003)

Reisman! Some people may consider you a first-class officer. But as far as I'm concerned, you're a disorganized, undisciplined clown. I'm gonna' make it my business to run you out of this Army.

The Dirty Dozen

Alfred? Oh! You've been dead for fifteen years!

Corpse Bride (2005)

No, son. You've got a problem because you don't know Army terminology. The place where a U.S. soldier goes to defecate, relieve himself, open his bowel, shit, fart, dump, crap, and unload, is called the latrine. The la-trine, from the French.

Biloxi Blues

Demons stay in hell, huh? Tell them that.

Constantine (2005)

You see Danny, I can deal with the bullets, and the bombs, and the blood. I don't want money, and I don't want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some fucking courtesy. You gotta ask me nicely.

A Few Good Men

Move, children. Vamanos.

Signs (2002)

A shmoke und a pancake. You know, a flapjack und a shigarette? No? Shigar und a waffle? No? Pipe und a crepe? No? Bong und a blintz? No? Well, then there ish no pleashing you.

Austin Powers in Goldmember

I have seen two things which cannot reconcile: A man dead without question, and that same man alive again. I pursue Him, the Nazarene, to ferret the truth.

Riden 2016

Do you know who I was? Nobody. Except on the day after, I was still alive. This nobody had a chance to be somebody.

Trumbo (2015)

Okay ladies, I'm Tony Moss. I produce this show. Some of you have probably heard that I'm a prick - I am a prick. I got one interest here, and that's the show. I don't care whether you live or die. I want to see you dance and I want to see you smile. I can't use you if you can't smile, I can't use you if you can't show, I can't use you if you can't sell.

Showgirls (1995)

Are you retarded, or just brain-dead from whiffing fumes out there in the swamp?

Wild Things

Howdy, folks. Ladies, gents, c*cksuckers, pederasts, I hope you all enjoy the show. Yes, I do.

Fallen

I never saw anything like it! No footprints! No blood! No sign of a struggle! The bones just stripped clean like peeling a banana!

Tarantula

Coughing's good! It opens up the capillaries. You know, when you cough you're pulling in air, or in this case - smoke, into parts of the lungs that don't normally get used. So, coughing's good, it gets you higher.

Jackie Brown (1997)

Hold on to your lugnuts, it's tiiiiime for an overhaul!

The Mask (1994)

What's the matter, kid? Don't ya like clowns?

The Devil's Rejects

If there were 90 of these bastards, people would know.

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