The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

The cold that I have been fighting with has finally set in bad. Of course, graveyard week is when I would get sick. I worked a "put your work ethic where your mouth is" shift last night. I constantly rant about how ridiculous I feel it is to call in sick for a 5 hours shift that you will be replacing labels during. Well God tested me with my own words. But, I went.



Daycare day today. Watching a second two year old never fails to reassure me that I do not want more children!

I have been having a hard time with a very close friend of mine lately. He is 21 and at the peek of his life, he is also very depressed. I have helped fight him back to the surface more than a few times. However, he no longer wants to float, let alone swim. He turns to hard drugs when he gives up like this.



Now for the problem. I have been, at points in my life, very depressed and have also used drugs as an escape. I fought a very hard battle to remove myself from that life. I have walked through too much with this friend to just let go, but I have also fought too hard to not have that element in my life to just allow it back near me. I do not want my son to have anything to do with drugs or crime.



I can not remember the last time I felt this torn. I would fight beside him forever, I have been fighting for him for a long time, but he no longer wants to fight this battle and I can't fight it for him. I never have been good at letting go...

I am trying to see more profiles, but I am amazed at how many there are now. I am also not sure that everyone here should be here. It is amazing to me how quickly something beautiful can be ruined by the ignorant. I love the Sports Illustrated Models. Thank God for 38C,28(ovalish not circular),38!!

Today is a day for decisions. I am terrified. I know only this life. It has been so long since I could see myself through the haze, I was unsure if I was even still there. But I am. I am.



How do you untangle a mess this tightly woven. How do finances become the tie that binds. How ridiculous. To love someone, but not be in love with them. In love is important. I will feel passion again. Even if the conquest is difficult.



I will see you again.

I had forgotten that today was Valentines. I do not really celebrate "Hallmark" holidays. But to all who need to hear it. Happy Valentines Day.

Hosted a surprise party this weekend at my house. Cleaned so company could come. Cleaned when the company left. A couple of my friends put on an interesting show at like 3 in the morning for the entire party. Including many positions, many photos were taken. My poor, silly, intoxicated friends. Watched AVP and King Arthur last night. Both were decent.

I like to think that I am not completely retarded, however, it has taken me days to get rid of the viruses that have been plaguing my computer. Adware, spyware, trojan something.



I thought that online porno was the way NOT to get infections. Shows you what I know.



Two more days of work. I am really tired, and I do not want to be sick anymore. Whaaa, whaaa, whaaaaaa.

Getting sick is not helping my mood. I completely deserve it. A friend had a birthday the weekend that just passed and I started the night with Crown Royal shots. Finishing with White Zinfandel. Not a combo I would recommend. However thanks to the magic that is Neo Citran I will sleep like a baby. :P

I am sitting in front of my computer tonight wondering who I am and how the hell I got here. There are times that I think I am so close to having it all together, and then I look behind me at what I believed to be past.... Don't you just hate not knowing everything.



I know the teenage angst thing is old and annoying, trust me it is no more annoying to anyone else than it is to me.



I just want to know that I am doing this right. You can not question yourself everyday, you can not be constantly unsure, if you ARE on the right path.



Imagine having a dream every night, so real, so tangible, that you wake up hoping it can't be seen in your eyes.



I am watching my house plants grow and am feeling ridiculously like on of them. I am not dead. I am not being harmed. I am simply contained. Though I will probably end up surviving and growing slowly, I will never be what I could have been.