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Well today I got this Email from my aunt... and you know it really brought alot of things into prospective so thus I felt the need to share. The Rolling Stones had it right.... And maybe that is why my dad loved that song so much.....



So many of us get so caught up in what we dont have that we want we forget that we really do have just about every thing that we need. For example:







Every night that I walk into that bar I have a goal set. I know how much I need just to make bills.... and that is my goal... the bare minimum.... I dont ask for anything more than that.... and I truely bust my ass for that much. But funny how it seems to work that there is always that pleasent surprise... even on the days that I really shouldnt even be able to make my Minimum that I walk out with enough to get something extra.... like a hamburger... or a cup of coffee.... or just a treat for my kiddos.... I've gotten to the point that yes money is tight and things suck and life is truely difficult at the moment... but what I have is special...







Most women begrudge their friends because of their loneliness with out a guy at there side. Sure I'm a pretty lonely chick.... but in place of having a guy in my life to love and hold.... I have a absolutely amazing group of friends. These are the ones who would do anything in there power for me and me for them..... Sure I dont have my own home.... But I do have a home.... with a mother that, even though we fight and have our issues.... I would have starved to death along time ago with out her....







Sometimes I think about the fact that with out any outside help that I might not be able to get my children anything for Christmas.... I realize that it is a million years before Christmas and I never know what may happen between now and then but still.... It bothers me somethig aweful that my children are once again going to get a very meger Christmas... and that much more because their Birthdays suffered. Bills I'm not as worried about.... as letting my girls know that mommy thinks about them every day when she walks into a job that at times is so trying and hard that I want to give up and just go home.... That I'm not there missing bath time and bed time stories because I truely want to.... But I'm out doing what I can the best that I can to make their little lives the best that I can.... I dont sleep through getting ready for school because I'm lazy.... I just cant get up for the 8 Night Shifts in a Row.....so that they can have ice cream money and coke money for school.... so that they can have decent clothes so not to be left out or picked on....







I know that my time will come where life will be at its best.... but right now I can handle for just having a decent life.... we can always work on making it better.... in time.... I still get a chance to stop and smell the flowers... and look at the clouds on those cool mornings and the moon when it is bright and full....















You cant always get what you want... but if you try sometimes... You might find.... you get what you need.

Today... 10/12/2007





Friday, October 12th, 2007 PST



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Sagittarius Horoscope

(Nov 22 - Dec 21)You are a study in contradiction today as your sprits soar into the highest spiritual realms of your imagination. At the same time, however, you are pulled into the shadows where you aren't as confident. Oddly enough, you can be in both places at once. Don't try to choose one path over the other. If you do, your reverie might come to and end and you'll be plunged back into the mundane world.

WTF is this??? I wander around with my head up my ass and my brain in the clouds... I guess that it has some truth in the way I'm feeling... one day... It will be ok.... I suppose my biggest struggle is accepting that Yes Stephanie... it will all work out in the end.... just have faith....



Faith is one of the hardest things in the world to have unwaivering....



I was told that my most attractive attribute is my undying... unwavering... and just overwhelming optimisim..... and I thought it was my eyes.. lol. I suppose that if you walk every day of your life knowing that tomorrow may be the end for you... that some one who only sees the bright and shiney of the world is inspiring.... he said I was amazing and I told him that he was... and he retorted "You see me as amazing more for the reason of your projecting yourself to me." I dont think that he realizes that it works both ways.... If a person can make you feel amazing... that makes them amazing.... so I would see it as a unbroken circle.... if only he knew how tho he makes me feel amazing.... my heart bleeds with the unknown... and no matter how much I know that I should just let things be and go with the ebbs and flows of what is going on right now and to just stop thinking.... I am almost completely uncapable of doing so. Though I realize that even with the heart ache and the pain and the joy.... in the end... the relationship we share will be ultimately profitable... and hopefully for the both of us.... if nothing else I pray he trusts me and loves me as a very dear friend and that life wouldnt have been the same with out his influance.

(actually written November 05, 2007)





So after a evening spent with some one close to my heart there I believe has been closure. I think that this time away will be easier than the last. Some times all that has to be done is one thing said that makes it all ok. One evening spent, one moment shared... The memories will be engraved into my heart forever. That is all that was needed. I think that I have now in my hands the power to move on. To have the patience now for fate to take its course as it should. Sometimes there are people out there that you know that you could love if under the right circumstances.... it doesnt really keep you from loving them... it just makes that love hurt more at times. But learning to accept that it is ok to love some one with every part of you and not have to be with that person does make it easier. I know that I will be able to love another person just as I do with whom I speak of and be with that new person and be happy. There will always be a place in my heart forever touched by the angel in my mind. Sometimes these people come into your life not for you to be with and love... but mainly to teach you to love and how to love. They come in and reawaken places in you that you never thought were there... they just lay dorment. Love those you love with a passion that could destroy you.... The people whom you love were put there by something more powerful than yourself. Learn that it is better to let go sometimes. Better to move on... Never hold a grudge or harbor hard feelings... You are the one who suffers in the end. Who are you to deny another happieness even when you are the one who suffers a bit for their happiness. It is ok... Because for every moment you suffer for another.... it will come back to you in the grand scheme of things... and the happiness that will come to you will always always be that much more appreciated and carefully watched over. No one can honestly say they know what happiness is if they have never suffered. Through hard times and bad things and ultimate pain do we learn what good times good things and ultimate healing really are. Take the bad with the good.... Make the bad your good. Never go a moment in life not listening to your heart and never go a second regretting doing what your heart told you to do. Though it might end up hurting it will be ok... you were ment to learn that lesson and will be better for it.



On that note I will end this random rambling. Smile every chance you get... even if it is on the inside. :o)



Stephanie

Ok Ok so if you have made it this far... you know bugging into my journal... that means you have sat and bored your self silly with what is written in profile and decided it would be a fancy idea to continue your agony.... Well the part of my profile I feel the need to referance is that part in the section entitled "My Best Love.." I think.... that or "What is love" Either or.... its it about Adam.... the super wonderful soulmate that I have discovered.... Just randomly stumbled into one day... ha so on with why this is titled Todays Funny Thing...

So Adam... I always think about him... There is never a day that goes by that I dont wonder what he is doing or how he is. Some days are more intense than others... but for the most part.... it just in the back of my minds.... backburner or daily functional thinking. WELL last night I'm going to bed late for a night off... and I'm laying there thinking of something completely different.... unwinding I suppose... when I get this sudden must do it urge to message him on his telephone.... (mind you that texting to an english phone from and american phone is .15 cents a message... and if let out of control cand definately be costly) I calculate what time it is there in Liverpool and decide that at 1am CST is a poor time of day in Liverpool to message so thus I just plot out what it is I might message him if the urge so hits again....

Well here I am sitting infront of my computer... which I ALWAYS am doing... with my little MSN messanger on... which I dare never turn off on purpose in fear that Adam finds a way to his brothers and messages me.... I'm doing my VR thing and My Myspace thing.... HUH albedamned if an old friend doesnt message me... funny thing.... we are gabbing on Myspace messenger and I begin to tell him about Adam... and how all other pale in comparison.... and how since meeting and experiancing Adam... none have even peaked intrest... though many have tried.... there is just nothing... bleh blank.... umm yeah.... almost like if girls turned me on then I'd be gay because that is about as much emotion any male has stirred since Adam.... Now mind you Adam and I havent dated.... we have had our moments.... very passionate.... very intemate(sp sorry I know it is horrid) moments.... any way any way off topic.... Just going on about him... well my friend has to go back off to work.. we said our good byes.... so there I am.... and WHAM there is that "maybe I should message Adam... cause if he isnt smiling RIGHT NOW.... he will be once he reads my message..." So I message him....

Message Verbatum

hey honey i dunno if ur phone is working but i wanted to tell u i miss u and i hope u are happy and full of smiles u've in my thoughts alot lately"

and of course I hit send on my phone and right after it says message sent.... not even enough time for it to travel through space and so on so forth.... POOF there he is... he has just signed onto MSN messanger.... THE FUCKING LUCK!!!!!!!



So of course i promptly message him on MSN saying HAHA funny thing... I JUST JUST messaged your phone....



his answer

Ha I jsut got it....

Sitting here with my gf and just finished setting up the net in my flat....



imagine that.... (of course his gf was there... but youve already read all that) of all the people he knows and all of the people on his messenger....

I just so happen to have sent him a message via phone and he just so happens to get his net working at the same time.... and i just so happen to be the very first message he recieves on the net the moment it starts working.....



funny ironic thing dont ya think?