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Hrmmmmm



To webcam tonight or not?!



That is the question....

Yet again I am here waiting on a check.



:-/



This does not make me happy. However, aside from that- it is a good day.

Over extended... right now that's what everything feels like.



Still getting lots done *yay* but also needing to be several places at once. Time to pick and choose.

Here is to hoping... I posted my broken down car on Kijiji and have someone interested...



*sends out tons of positive energy*



One more thing done... only instead of other things creeping up, each time I finish something now- there is a true sense of completion.



Not only that the clarity that I'm getting from the time I waited and watched, is enormous. Will I get things perfect? Not at all- yet that right now simply doesn't seem to matter as this direction feel right. I feel that same energy happening again- and while I understand how the miscommunications of last year happened and why they did- I am stopping them in areas where they simply do not matter.



It is one thing to have things challenge you in a manner from respect and truly wanting what is best for you- and another from a lack of respect and self service. I put up with as much as I did last year because I KNEW my greater good was being considered- even if I knew the choices were not perfect- the movement was always positive in the long run.



The BS that is happening now: is other people's ego and self interest.



The latter I have no interest in. Time to leave it and move forward. Alrighty then :) here goes nothin' ;)

So the Escape is listed as is for parts. Here's to hoping I can at least get what I paid into the new tires back.



Still trashing this car is a HUGE relief to me. One less "albatross" over my thoughts at this point is a great thing.



Now it is on to doing all the small things, one by one I'm getting closer.

Side note: since getting groomed, Megan is moving around more. Looks like we have some LONG walks in the near future. Basically while old, and reactive to the cold weather... Forcing her to move more is making her feel better.



If only I had this much control over my clients.

A friend posted something in facebook that is having an effect on me. See he posted on how I made a difference to him. And yet in all of my memory I can't place where this was- except by simply being myself.



Charlie told me once he didn't think anyone would be there when he died. He did not want to die alone- and he didn't. Yet he did not see his life as a success, and when I see the impact he had, I must argue once more with him.



Another friend posted this on facebook this morning: "Beginning today treat everyone you meet as if you will never see them again. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of reward. Your life will never be the same again."



Truly words we can all learn from. Yes there are times where we all fail, but how much more can you do when you stop the negative self talk and just continue on looking to make it better the next time?



One thing that is very clear, the more we focus any energy on the negative - the more it controls us. The only way to change is to focus on the positive and then work to achieve those actions even when the shit flies. And believe me it will fly.



Let's face it- we all mean something to someone else- we just may not see who or how.

I keep thinking about Marie today.



It is just another example of how short time truly is.

And I'm wide awake. Why is it the night I can finally sleep in- I don't sleep.



It's because I was kind to myself and didn't do yoga - thinking body needed rest... Um it does, but apparently it wants a beating before it will rest.



*one sexy vampire, two sexy highlanders, three sexy...*



What did you think I'd count sheep?

So it's time to get the taxes done (end of April for taxes here) and from there more immigration work... good news is I think I have an idea...



And it's a great one :)



Here is to getting things done- car is unpacked, I know what I need to do to get it legalized up here (not much) and then I simply have to transfer my plates to this car and then scrap the other one. YAY to that- I know it sucks to get rid of 2005 car, but the truth is- I got the car simply because it was practical. I never "LIKED" this car, and in truth it reminds me of so much negative energy I'm actually relieved to be gettin' er gone.



I've done the dishes (ones I drove back from Seattle) YAY I have a PROPER Wok and an enamel cast iron casserole dish now :) And I've put them all away, I hung my cotton shower curtain with my clips I had when I was in seattle. I've put out and filled my soap containers for the bathroom and kitchen. Little things- that truly I've missed.



I put out some table lamps that hold tea lights, simply because they are stained glass and I think they are pretty... Sadly I couldn't get my bike here- but I think in Aug I will box it and put it on a Greyhound that I can meet here in London. It needs new tires and a tune up- but I really didn't want to bring it knowing that I have to organize my basement further before it will truly be ready for it.



That will be the next few weeks as my project space has EXPLODED



O.o



Don't get me wrong- I love sewing, but it has taken over my table. Tomorrow that changes, along with doing my taxes *sigh*



A woman I work with gifted me with an Aveda hair coupon so tomorrow I get a cut and conditioning treatment for free and then I'm booking a colour/conditioning for the next week- all for FREE - double YAy.



Friday Megan gets groomed (I haven't been able to do it as my friends all backed out on me when I tried to "book them/pay" them to take her- and cheapest cab I found was $35 EACH way) So my poor attempts at grooming will be corrected which means- I CAN STEAM CLEAN! WOOOO



I'm excited. Many good things with all this crap- still it simply isn't complete. Thank goodness for my ADD- oooooh





SHINY!

Boo that it happened 20 min before my client!



O.o



Yay for car! OMG yay for car!!! Road trip y'all????



I'm thinking New Orleans via, Buffalo... any takers?

Am home safe. Was a long trip- the first part I slept most of it- but now I'm a bit more worse for wear.  



When I got to Seattle it was pretty much "hit the ground running". What made it harder was seeing how poorly my family is doing. That meant I had to spend more time with my mom/brother than I originally intended.



Marie was really good. She is at peace with her diagnosis and not in pain. Physically she warned me several times- and I didn't see the illness unless I looked- I'm grateful that I can focus on the spirit in these situations.  See Marie used to be 5'4" now she might be 4'6", has a deformed chest and the only hair left is just whisps. She calls it her mad scientist look- I might have to send her something to make fun of this.



After a visit just the two of us, I went shopping with my mom and then visited a friend for an hour- ending the day with dinner with my brother and mom. 



The next am was shopping and gassing the car while I waited to heat from Marie. Then I took my mom as she wasn't comfortable going without me- this way I can get updates without always bothering Marie. 



Before I left mom took me to see her hairstylist who used to do my hair- as he's struggling with depression. He wasn't there but the other hair dresser was, and we had a beautiful conversation. He gave me a bottle of conditioner as the one I wanted wasn't there- and we talked a bit about what has been happening.



From there I bought a burrito for the road and left into bad traffic. I was a bit frustrated as I was leaving 3.5hrs later and that puts getting home last night at 8:30 pm. And it put me in a snow storm one night.



Yet I'm home- grateful, and now I have to repair myself. I've been seeing stars when I stand and on waking- simply wanted to go back to sleep. I feel completely worn.  But am thankful I saw Marie- it was a goodbye- without the goodbye. 



My soul hurts from all that is happening.

Nebraska... Tormorrow is the longest day of travel. Unfortunately we aren't going very far each day which is why the trip is taking so long



at the same point with how full the car is and how cramped I am already, I'm thankful for having time to catch up online, reflect and just have some down time....

Coffee- check

Paperwork to immigration-Check

Ability to think straight-kinda sorta maybe



We start day two soon. Right now I'm catching up on emails, making certain I've got everthing... next I'm ordering needles that I can bring back with me.



I feel as if I'm in a whirlwind.



Alrighty then, let's go.

So day one of road trip is done.



Tomorrow we do 10 hours and then 5 finishing with about 8 on the last day. Here's to hoping that I have less aggrivations once I speak with my mom. She was supposed to see about getting the car looked at Friday and didn't do it thinking we'll do it when I get there... Um Thurs pm? When I have to leave Sat AM in order to be at work tues am?



*le sigh*I'm not sorry I'm doing this, I'm just getting a slightly clearer look at the how/why of many things.



And there is much I don't like- which means more change. That said- I'm happy with the direction and grateful for many things. Although I know there will be people hurt/confused or simply at a loss for what is happening.



My line is getting more firmly drawn and more importantly, my sense of boundaries is becoming more solid. Put simply I care less and less about what others have to say.



I'm simply sorry I cared to begin with.

So everything seems to be in order... now I just have to make some time for me and unwind.



A part of me wants to rebel and go shopping



o.O



Why is it that when I'm stressed the idea of more STUFF appeals so greatly to me? There is a deal find that I might buy for when I'm in seattle (actually I think it's living social) but it's a full tune up for a bike at $37... and I have an old raleigh that I'm going to bring back (is traditional "girl" bike) which for having a friend join me or just going on leisurely rides will be awesome.



Aside from that I'm thinking a few bits of fabric, my wok and well that's it... In a way I'm already travelling and well that isn't bad.

Well that was painless. All my clients have been put in for either this week or the week I return.



Ride to boarder- check

Ride to coast- check

Car to return- check

Animals cared for- check

Pay- check

Rent- check



Now I just have to make it through the next week and a half.

Seattle bound. Lord wish me luck I'm going to need it in this mess.

Here we go again. Marie is in palliative care now- too weak for chemo and I simply don't know if I can get to Seattle to see her.



It simply breaks my heart.

I need to eat more :(



No appitite with this horrid cold!

Tomorrow is the day no matter what that I take my first bike ride of season. If it's rainy like today I'll take the mountain bike my best friend just left with me. It's an older Gary Fischer but considerably lighter and had better tires than my a old bike my grandfather bought me before university (I keep that one for sentimental reasons and because if stolen I won't hurt someone in anger). I think when I return from Seattle in August I'm going to bring my raleigh that is old school girl touring bike simply because then I can ride it when I'm not looking for "speed" etc. I'm also going to start bringing my road bike out for more rides.



There is a poker run being done in a friends name in July and I think I will do the 200km on my bike but that means training now.



And hoping this horrid cold get sent out the window.

Only this time it seems to be a cold- I have never been this sick before, and frankly I'm done with it...

Time can move me further away, but the weight of reality simply gets heavier.