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I just want to hurt something....So I've been waiting for months complaining about Grant MacEwan not giving me a reply about my application...I found out that my mother who ordered my transcripts actually messed up and sent them to our house instead of the school, but she never opens her mail anyways so she had no idea there was a mess up. And she's the one that kept bugging me to call and find out what's happening, when in the end it was her fault...I know in this post she sounds like a sweet old lady...She's not...She's almost a nazi...

I don't know what to do...But am seriously considering giving up the vegetarian thing just so I can kill something and eat their flesh...

Is it such a curse when your family cares too much? Yes its annoying, we've all been pestered by those we love to do one thing or another. But for me growing up not having one single family member care about what I was going through...Hearing him complain about how his family keeps bugging him about not going to school this year, that they care too much; oh and his multi-million dollar grand parents offering to pay the $1500+ dollars for him to go back this year. Yeah it sucks having to borrow money from family but in this case I'd say swallow your pride, pay it back when your done school, and live your life. I'm on a freakin' waiting list for school, because I took a year off to volunteer I don't qualify for a million and two scholarships and bursaries. I have a family who has trouble taking care of two back home. So even if I did get into school..I still have no fucking idea how I'm going to pay for it. He's lucky enough to have a family that cares "too much". Why is it when you have it you have no idea how lucky you are...?

Okay so maybe its paranoia, but after being around him lately I just don't feel that our relationship is the same...

He acts different a lot, and has quite a few head aches...I don't get it.

Also he goes from being happy to a complete douche bag...its like walking into a brick wall, or the wicked witch of the east being crushed by a house...crazy random happenstance. I no longer know how to act around him, and don't exactly feel like he is sincere any more.

I've changed quite a bit over the last year, I now go against my Aquarius nature, and wear my heart on my chest and am rather willing to talk about how I feel. He on the other hand is all about bottling it up and not saying a word, he went through a recent depression but I was gone and he didn't sound depressed so I had no idea, he never even told me.

He's drifting away, and I don't know how to stop it. As much as I like talking..I just want to run away from it all...Go traveling again...

I was just updating my profile a little bit at a time, and I thought...I saved my last profile layout just in case I decided I still wanted it...But I really don't. I enjoyed it and put a lot of time into it but its no longer what I want...But I don't want to waste it either...So I was wondering if any body would like the old layout code for my profile...Some might remember it most probably won't. It really is pretty. the colours are turquoise, and creamy white, with all kinds of fonts mixed together. The pictures are all of various masks. If anyone is by any chance interested send me a message, and I'll send over the layout code.

Why must it be so confusing??

We go out drinking, and he had wings..Pub food does not equal vegetarian....(me and alcohol don't mix very well...One beer...Hands in ruins...Seriously)



We get back to my apartment, and we talk for hours till around two in the morning about stupid random stuff..Well actually it was more him talking about stupid random stuff while I just mmhmmed and yeah'd here and there while trying to stay awake...kinda. And then out of no where he says stupid stuff like "Yeah while you were gone for nine months, I had a lot of girls at the university flirting with me and what not, oh and not to mention how half the girls at our old high school wanted me too"

WTF am I supposed to say to that???

"Yeah that's great dear, glad your in high demand"??? Like come on!!

He only had two beers, could not have been drunk enough to be this stupid!!!



I don't sit there and tell him oh yeah while I was gone all over the country for the past nine months, I had guys from every single province hit on me. There were some pretty hot french guys too, oh and those guys on the coast were just WOW. Oh and did I mention how cute my friends were in the last community?



So when I get mad at him and say he's stupid and it was totally uncalled for, he says stuff like "Oh I didn't mean it that way!"



What freakin' way did you mean it???



Blhuuarrggg!!!

I just want to kill things, and then eat them...and I'm a vegetarian!...he really annoys me...

Jabbberwocky!!!



I really hate looking for a job...really really hate it!

Just moved to Edmonton for school which I just found out today that I'm on a waiting list woo hoo!

And the last week I have been out looking for a job, getting applications, dropping off resumes, applying online where ever I can...Nothing absolutely nothing back!

I can't even get a job as a cashier while I look for a better job because I'm severely dyslexic, me and money do not mix. Its really hard to focus and figure out how much change to give back in a decent amount of time...I tried the whole waitress and cashier thing before...I had a crappy calculator and half the time people would just tell me the right amount of change (small town everyone knows everyone mostly old honest people).

I'm just stressing out that not only did I not get accepted into school which was a whole stupid happenstance in itself. I applied way back in February got all my documents in and what not...The registrar office waited until the middle of August (two weeks before the program starts) to tell me whether or not I was accepted and now I'm on a waiting list..

So on top of that I am worried that I won't get a job, have to turn to internet prostitution...Or even worse go back to Calgary...



oiajdfodmfoakmfodmfoamdfojaosd

I actually dislike posting in the Forum. I find so many of the threads are about willy nilly things that just repeat themselves over and over.

In the threads that I do post in just for the participation I rarely go back and see what people said after me. I said what I wanted not much more to say. I read the thread until it starts repeating itself and then skip down to the bottom.

I like real life things like the Nature VS Technology, its a real life issue that I enjoyed reading peoples viewpoints on.

I kind of just want to go way back in the threads and post random things in them cause few read them and I still get my posts in.

Then I decided I'll just post in the sand box cause I don't need to make sense and over all it doesn't matter...Then I tried...and they made even less sense then I could have imagined to the point that I just had to close the page for my own sanity...

Posting in the main forum is just not something I like to do....

Les Paul is dead....

At age 94 the world has lost one of the most remarkable and innovative musician.

He was the inventor of the electric guitar, and multi-track recording.

Just about every song people record today uses the techniques he pioneered.



"Basically Les Paul is to modern music what Alexander Graham is to modern communications." -QC



I hope the legend rests in peace...

I think I seriously hate fruit flies...They are the bane of the earth!!!

The one night I actually decide to have a glass of wine, all I can see is this little black dot continually poking into my eye!

My family doesn't understand the whole part of if you leave cut ripe fruit out their is sure to be fruit flies hanging around in mass abundance....

I am sick of having to fight through a mob of blinking spots of black just to get within a meter of food.



Bleh....

I always feel like such a geek when I have both my laptops on side by side doing different things.



Its just that my big laptop I kind of killed internally...

I've had to reinstall windows twice...mainly cause the first one was with a french install disk...just a hint of information if you get a french install disk you can't change the language to English...at all.

So the big laptop doesn't have sound..cause for some reason it won't recognize that it has speakers. Doesn't recognize USB flash drives...or anything USB, can't update itself...But can surprisingly connect to the internet....



So my EEE Pc is used to listen to music and have its USB ports regularly abused. But I find the screen is too small to do anything properly, and I am hard of vision...



So each is used in ways that a regular laptop should be able to handle..But mine are just special...So they work together...



But this does not alleviate the feeling of being a geek...

Sometimes you have to leave people behind, for many different reasons. They've changed, you've changed, different ideals and beliefs and so on.

But its never easy...If it was then they weren't really a friend.

My relationship with my friend is no longer healthy, in many ways.

I unfortunately no longer enjoy her company. She is just always so negative about her life, relationship, herself. And its really hard for me to hear.

I used to have really low self esteem and just in general didn't like myself very much.

And over the past year I have gained so much, I finally love myself the way that I am, and am confident in a way that I wasn't before.

But being around my friend who is always talking about how horrible and boring her life is, how much she doesn't like how she looks and how fat she is. She's also overly negative and critical about others.

The other night I went over to her house to hang out, and I was wearing a dress that I liked and thought I looked nice in it. The first thing she said was why are you wearing that moo moo? It didn't make me feel good in anyway.

Then she decided to go get her cards read because she said that this guy was really good and bang on...But he said some things that she didn't want to hear, like that it wasn't going to work out with her current boyfriend.

She had said that she no longer felt anything for him, and then she said after that she just didn't want to be alone again.

When she said that I lost a lot of respect for her...She wasn't staying with guy cause she liked him but because she doesn't want to be alone. Which is the completely wrong reason to be in a relationship.

So after all this was said and done...I just don't know if being around her is healthy for me.

I'm worried that constantly hearing the negative things that I'll start to lose confidence in myself again.

I want to help her but it will bring me down, and the only one that can help is herself. I could tell her all the things that she's doing wrong in my opinion but if she doesn't see it than there's no way that I can change it.

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voodoochile
11:03 Aug 12 2009

Letting go is part of good boundary function for your self.

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I miss working at a school.

I really enjoyed it, acting like a kid all day and just having fun.

I've been looking at jobs available in the city that I'm moving to this weekend. And one is a tutor, I don't technically have any official training but I'm going to send in a resume anyways. And if I don't get it I'm going to talk to them about volunteering with the organization cause I think I would really enjoy it.

I hate that when people get small rips in their clothes they automatically go to throw it out.

Or when I say oh I have a hole in my shirt and three people are like just throw it out, or go buy a new one. Its easily fixed with a needle and thread....and its made worse by the fact that clothes aren't made to last any more. Oh and that half the population have no idea how to use a thread and needle...

I just hate how so many people in North America have become so materialistically messed up.

So many have this view if it breaks throw it away and buy a new one..Gotta love consumerism.

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Spiritwalker
23:44 Aug 09 2009

The needle and thread is the best thing around. Specially when you have children. The thing that I hate most with people that expect you to throw out a shirt or a pair of pants because of a small hole is that they just throw them in the trash. There are plenty of others out there that would love what is being thrown away. :)

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Why do people willing go and do something they know will hurt them in the end...are we all just secretly masochistic..?

Every one else can see it coming a mile away and when I try to warn the person about it they still don't see it...What's the point....

He's agreed to come with me woo hoo!

He's taking next year off of school, and we talked about me going to Africa if I don't get into school. He said he'd come with me!!

I don't have to worry about it not working out.



On a side note I've decided to take my dreads out...I'm half done...they were too hard to keep up..Bleh.

I really don't like drinking water from a glass...It tastes different. I know that is all in my head. But I don't mind drinking water out of a clay mug or my water bottle. I love the taste of water but I just dislike drinking it out of a glass...

I don't need to hear the intimate details of peoples relationships...ever.

I hate seeing on profiles stuff about their relationship with whoever like what part of your body hurts from that weird fetish you tried last Saturday, or just in general what's going on sexually. If I wanted to read that I would go buy a cheap harlequin romance for 10 dollars at the local grocery store.

And I just dropped a level....oajodfiajgoijgiojiokedf!!!

I think I hate my computer...and it hates me...Sad that its not even my computer...

I think I may have killed it, fried its brains fed them to a stray cat and then hit it with a hammer a few times.

All by accident of course.

Really it wasn't my fault, I was sent an MP3 player from my mom who'd plugged into the computer at home on which my brother watches a lot of porn attached a virus or two. I plugged it into the laptop and bam dadi do got a fantastically annoying virus I couldn't get rid of to the point that I had to re-install windows and have everything not work the first install was in French because of course I was in Northern New Brunswick and it was the only install disc I could find, so then I was sent one from Alberta and it still stupid. My mother is a computer geek mad scientist and doesn't have a clue...I can't even get updates...

So I don't have sound, can't use USB, can't read or write DVDs. I am stuck making my own commentary for all the stupid youtube videos I watch when bored...Makes it slightly more interesting but still feel like I'm missing out...

I should just give the computer back to my boyfriend and deal with my own Eeepc even though its small and I don't particularly care for the Linux version thats on it.

I just wish computers were smarter..Or I was either would work really.