The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

For my Danish friends...



1 oz Jagermeister® liqueur

12 oz Newcastle Brown Ale® lager



This potion is designed to temporarily breach distance between ancestral viking bloodlines and allow possession by ones ancestors. The potion should only be taken by those of Danish descent.



Pour 3/4 of a mug of Newcastle and 1 shot of Jagermeister. Shout, "Skål!" (Cheers in Danish) - Drop the shot into the mug and chug the mixture.



Serve in:

Beer Mug



Side Effects: Given that you are allowing communication and possibly even possesion by a viking ancestor, one should keep in mind a few simple facts:



One: Vikings are not well mannered peoples...this potion should be taken with caution in mixed company...women should consider themselves particularly vulnerable in the presence of someone taking this potion. There was, after all, that whole rape and pillage aspect to the viking lifestyle not so long ago.



Two: Vikings are prone to thoughts of combat and as mentioned: pillaging...I'm really not sure what pillaging is or what it's modern translation would be but we're pretty sure it's not going to go over well at weddings or family dinners...it's also wise to leave weaponry at home...particularly large battle axes or war hammers.



Three: There are vikings that were called Berzerkers...should you have a Berzerker in your lineage and you insist on taking this potion...well...all bets are off...clear the room...good luck...good bye...I'll be under the bar, thank you.

1 dash lemon juice

1 1/2 oz. dark rum

drizzle (tblspn) of Kahlua® coffee liqueur





This rather tasty potion comes from the far east in Delhi, India and was believed to have been found in Hamayun's tomb. It is still praised by the mystic sadhus as a means of second sight (though where they found Kahlua in ancient times in beyond me). Add all ingredients in a shaker with ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass or serve on the rocks. The potion will alter nearby reality allowing you to see things outside the normal human spectrum. Strange lands will appear to shift and wobble in your vision. Hell even the real world landscape will wobble quite a bit but that's to be expected. Sometimes it may even seem like your getting whispered secrets. These are actually the whispered knowledge of the potions namesake...the imps and devils of eastern legend gain access to the immediate area and can offer you their wisdom and experience. Look around...you can see them now. Did you think that 2 foot tall blue spiky creature naked on the bar was a regular customer?



Side Effects: You've taken this potion and you've begun to see little devils and imps run around you and they're known to be very suggestive but with terrible ideas...need I really say more? Ok I'll say more. It's not always best to take the New Delhi Devils at their word. In fact it's really never good to take them at their word. They lie. Some have been known to have a bit of fun at the user's expense. MOST have been known to have a bit of fun at the user's expense...So no...that hot member of the opposite sex did not just think about how he/she'd like to take you home...and no it's not a great way to avoid cops by driving backwards...so forth and so on.

By special request...a potion using...tequila

Brace yourselves...this is a doozy:



1 oz Jack Daniel's® Tennessee whiskey

1 oz Jagermeister® herbal liqueur

1 oz tequila



That's right...whiskey, Jager and tequila...a potent potion indeed. Mix the Jack Daniel's and Jagermeister into a 2-oz shot glass, and shoot. Chase with tequila. Please understand that this potion is only suggested as a last resort to reanimate the dead...or nearly dead (or dead drunk). Simply take the corpse or near corpse like drunk and add one or two doses of this potion. This potion can also be used as a method of inducing vomiting for those that may have accidentally ingested poison (or previously ingested the Dead Man). Some have suggested that this potion can also cause time travel and summon spirits...but we're pretty sure those are just hallucinations (see side effects).



Serve in:

Shot Glasses



Side Effects: This is a dangerous potion with serious side effects. We've already mentioned the fact that this potion can cause hallucinations and projectile vomiting. It should also be noted that too many doses can cause violent outbursts, uncontrollable anger or lust...oh and it could kill you.

1 oz whiskey

1 oz vodka

1 oz rum

2 oz Midori® melon liqueur





Pour all ingredients into an old-fashioned glass almost filled with ice cubes. Stir well, and serve. Believe it or not, this potion is for those in the music arts that have lost inspiration. When taken, utter the magical phrase: "bartender, give me another", and slam your hand against the bar. the user is progressively lifted spiritually higher and higher to a realm of muses and sprites that will offer plenty of material for a new song, whole album or very likely a full tragic opera. The magic phrase and gesture must be used after each dose of the potion until reaching the plane of inspiration.



Serve in:

Old-Fashioned Glass



Side Effects: The potion is named for it's main side effect which is a temporary numbing of the hand used to drink it. Degree of numbness can range from "hey my hand is tingly" all the way to "Holy Shit! Where the hell did my God damned hand go?!?!...it's fucking dead...my hand is fucking dead!!". The numbness can last depending on the dosage and how hard you're slamming your hand on the bar. If your a guitarist, pianist, flute player, or any other hand using instrumentalist, take note and exercise caution. It's very frustrating to have the inspiration of the best song you've ever thought of and one of your hands numb to the world or broken and in a cast.



It is also worthy of note, that while one is lifted to the Plane of Inspiration with this potions effects, one is almost always returned to earth through the Plane of Incarceration or the Plane of Humiliation and quite possibly the Plane of Projectile Regurgitation.

1 1/2 oz vodka

1 1/2 oz peach schnapps

1 oz lime juice

orange juice

7-Up® soda





This potion is meant to be taken by virgins only. Pour vodka, schnapps and lime juice into a glass. Add orange juice until the glass is half-filled, and fill completely with 7-up. Stir well, and serve. Shout out the magic phrase, "I'm a virgin!" down the drink in one gulp and voila! While not always entirely useful, this potion is used by virgins to call upon nearby bastards, boors, bounders, clowns, creeps, curs, dogs, heels, knaves, louts, maggots, rakes, rascals, rats, rogues, rotters, scoundrels, sleazeballs, slimebuckets, stinkers, and assorted worms. I have to admit I'm at a loss for why anyone would ever want to use this one. But there you have it. That's exactly what this potion will do. When the potion is used, all the above mentioned dregs of society and flotsam and jetsam will be drawn to the immediate area. I recommend having some mace handy. Actually, I recommend having A medieval mace handy and maybe even a sword.



Use with caution and ask for it by name.



Serve in:

Coffee Mug



Side Effects:

Side effects may include any or some combination of the following side effects: memory loss, monetary loss, loss of conciousness, loss of life, loss of limb, loss of loved ones, loss of sense of direction, loss of livelihood, loss of car keys, loss of breakfast lunch and dinner, loss of sight, loss of good judgment and of course loss of virginity.