Someone asked me what widows do. They must think we're part of a group and we all meet to discuss our current lives.
Being a widow involves a crushing period of loneliness that is unfixable. It can't be bargained with; it can't be meditated through; it can be helped but it can't be stopped. During this time you will likely die yourself. Be it actual or ego. I spent whole weeks doing drugs. lying in bed. Letting whatever money I had slip away to fund my fucked up lifestyle. Those are things I had to do. Eventually I stopped doing drugs. I kept lying in bed though. My muscles all atrophied. My once young face now rife with signs of decay. If I didn't have a mom that actually came over the apartment and literally slapped me out of it (it was out of love) I probably would have died too.
I was able to eventually get through it. That's what widows do. We get through it; or we don't. Things don't get better. They get out of the way. After awhile you have to build yourself back up; starting from the bottom. The bottoms basement. The basements sewer. Shit and all. Get up.
COMMENTS
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Ravefox
13:51 Jun 03 2024
sadly completely true