The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Its over ninety five degrees in this tin box I call a home....

I've done all I can to cool down...



Ice water all day....stripped down to my undies....fans on........pathetic excuse of an air conditioner is on.....and now I am flopped belly down on the nice cooling wood floor and its still flippen hot...



Doesnt help that my cat is mistaken the fact that his owner is face down and not moving to be a Proxy wants a hot fuzzy little body rubbing against me...making it more hot....





ugh



I need to find a deep freezer and sit it in...



-_-

My mothers best friend called her today in a tizzy. Apparently her daughter had gotten a hold of her bank card and pulled every penny she had from her account. Now she is without power and forced to live with her ex-son in law. It would seem her daughter has started snorting bath salts........



I feel for this woman (my mothers friend) this is horrible. She is seeking advice on how to send her daughter into a mental hospital. She wont even let Mo (mothers friend) near her three kids unless she is there and Mo refuses to let that woman back into her house.....



I cant people are so desperate for a quick high as to sort bath salts; which will shut down your organs faster than you can think!



Poor Mo.......

Those poor kids......

So been depressed all day....

Been acting crazy (well crazier) all week..



Talked to the boyfriend for over an hour on the phone and just completly broke down. I just started bawling on the phone and poor Jacob is doing his best to calm his blubbering girlfriend down without knowing what was going on.



Hell...even I didnt know until I finally let myself cry full out.



Ever since high school ended.....everyone started drifting a part. One by one friends dropping off like flies. Leaving me here and alone.



I am a dependent person. I need these social bonds....I need them more than anything....and lately now that Jacob has made a new guy friend and is off with him a lot....I've been feeling alone and abandoned.



-sigh-



Makes a lot of since now that I think about it.....

Cant believe it took me so long to figure out why I have been so stressed and paranoid. Crying for no reason. I tried to bottle this down for so long that even I forgot it was there....but the pain never left.



Breaking down tonight...spilling it all to him....it feels like a giant weight has ben lifted...one I didnt even know was there. My head hurts like a bitch but I feel better and I think it helped Jacob understand me just a little bit more.

I just didnt want to worry him....

Bother him with my problems...

Even more so that he has been so stressed out lately...



He said that it didnt matter.....That I should of opened up to him before.

I am truely blessed to have this man.

Not just my boyfriend but my closest friend.

So I log into Facebook and see I have a message from my good friend...this is what it says;



"I dreamt that both you and I and maybe a few other people I know where in hell. Though I can only remember you were there."



Thanks....a lot.....



You crazy religious person =p

But I love you anyway.

BPD- Borderline personality disorder....

I have been diagnosed with this two years ago.



Can't afford the treatment either....ugh...

I hate this...I really really hate this....



FML

So my little boost of happiness is drowning under the need for sleep.



Needless to say I am in a fantastic mood :D



I maybe might be....hopefully...if im lucky....if the Goddess so wills it I might have a job.

PLEASE LET ME GET THIS JOB D:

I really reaaalllly need it.



Either way tomorrow I get to see my love.....so happiness is a joy that hopefully comes with a job. lol



I really do hope I get this job...even if I am just going to be a coffe hostess at a truck stop. If it pays it pays. Then I can finally start saving again. Proxy needs clothes that don't have holes in them and owned since 9th grade. ^-^;;



Gotta get some sleep. hehe



Wish me luck!

It's kinda amazing how my day can be one hundred percent shit....then right as I am laying down to sleep the bad feelings away...my phone buzzes and I see your name on my screen. Then suddenly my day gets a million times better.



Two years of rocky road; but I still get all weak and smiley when you call. ^-^



Love you Mr. Jacob Wilkinson until the very last breathe I take.

It's almost ten am.....im tired....in pain and really don't wish to leave my abode today.



Sadly....thats not an option.



I get to be dragged about with my mum and sister...for some family bonding activities. Good part this is I get to see my cute little baby doll of a niece. I woke up to hear mum talking to my sister. So she put her on speaker phone and in the background I heard my niece babbleing; "Wheres Auntie? We go? Go Auntie?

" My sister couldn't get her to shut up.



It was cute.



That little girl loves me but thats because I am her only Aunt. (well not tech. my sister has another half sister but they don't talk)

So are far as Caydance knows. I am the only auntie ^-^





My back is in a lot of pain.....been like that for two weeks now. I don't know what happened. Its only on the right side of my back and it feels like my spine shifted and jammed underneath my shoulder blade. Not good at all.

I've tried everything. I've laid flat on the ground. Sat straight up. Attempted to pop my back (made it worse)



Ugh....stupid back.

Im only nineteen....you shouldent be so broken down!

'lo and behold the Rapture is upon us. Gather your loved one close and make sure to leave all your valuables on the tables and counters.....makes it easier for us heathens to pillage and move unto the next house.



Good thing I dont live in NZ seems God dosen't care to much for them....since they are still there. ^-^



I also decided...rapture or not. I went through all this damn trouble to gather this rather nifty looting gear and damnit imma gonna use it!

Good thing my family has decided to hit the mall later today....prime pickens right thurr.



XD



o.o......i giant ass spider just crawled beside me.........now im really freaked out D:

God isnt sending earthquakes....he's sending bugs D:



The true evil..........

COMMENTS

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CosmicSerpentGuru
08:49 May 21 2011

Are you Jehovah witness

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DarkCrystal
09:03 May 21 2011

It's Saturday, May 21 here. WTF! Why is everybody talking about the End of the world is today? If it still does happens today, then I will post a journal entry about it and warn yous living in Yankee land. I do live in West Australia.

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HecateProxy
15:28 May 21 2011

No....I am Pagan.

Dosen't mean I can't poke a little fun at the mass stupidity of the world.

(not the religion but the whole rapture)



You'd think people would remember not to listen to the man who said this was going to happen in 1994 and people ended up killing themselves when they weren't raptured......

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POST COMMENT

Heh....I love that phrase. 'Drama Llama' I got it back when I used to frequent Gaiaonline but in all seriousness. What the hell people. Profiles, messages, internet bashing, is it really all that important?

Want a high level profile......work for it.

Want a pro profile.....pay for it.

Want out of a coven....ask.

Want a boyfriend/girlfriend.....Go outside.



I really don't have a clue as to whats going on in this war but it's still stupid. I do know that if your going to get so butt hurt over some pixels and code then perhaps you don't need to use the internet....ever.

If you can't hold it....take it with you.....or whatever like a physical object...really no need to be so stressed out. =p



Plus dontcha know the worldz supposta end tomorrowz. XD

Oh. How I love people sometimes.

In light of this up coming Rapture a company had decided to make T-shirts.

.....

I want one.

It says;

"I survied May 21, 2011"

:D



I think it'll be one of the items on my 'Things to loot' list.



^-^

COMMENTS

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ThothLestat
01:23 May 21 2011

heh *snort*

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POST COMMENT

Well apparently the Rapture is scheduled for six tomorrow....







Anyone wanna join me for some ol' fashioned looting?





:D

COMMENTS

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Isis101
21:49 May 20 2011

I'm in if I can get a ride to Nordstrom's shoe and handbag departments!

And will we also be giving Tiffany and Hermes a visit?

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HecateProxy
22:01 May 20 2011

Damn skippy! ^-^

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POST COMMENT

Wine and pizza rolls.....





Classy~









XD

I swear my hair should be grey. Im stressed to the very end of my limits. Its only one in the afternoon and my head is throbbing and my mother's love of commentary and questions is really wearing me thin. (in fact she just asked another question) Cant tell her to hush without being called rude or her bitching so I am keeping my responses short and clipped in a plesant tone.



I stayed up late last night attempting to console my friends piss rage/meltdown. And of course when it rains it pours...* my sisterr texts me and she is also having a meltdown and apparently was downing both meds and booze. She has five small children so of course I am worried for her and them. So I am attempting to give them both my full attention while keeping myself awake. Then when finally they died down and I got to bed I woke up two hours later.



Got up...showered and knocked out two sink* full dishes. Which may not sound hard but we dont have a dishwasher so I got to do them* all by hand....yay.* It wouldnt suck so bad but the fact I am the only one who does them and I am also the only one who cooks. It'd be nice if she could do them once in awhile but the last time we made a 'deal' that i'd cook and she'd clean....that got thrown in my face. Then was scolded by my family for not doing them that time around. -sigh-



Im tired and cranky...but I am not allowed to sleep. Mother will poke at me if I do and I am supposed to be receiving a call from Jacob since* we have a game today. Mnnnn.....also game = more stress because in the group is another person who is sucidal and prone to breakdowns. Luckily he is dependant on Jacob but seeing Jacob upset and stressed* makes me stressed. Then this kid also sets off my triggers. (recovering cutter) last time he kept pretending to cut his arm with this knife and talk about blood....not a good place for me.



Overall I think I would love to put a pause on life...crawl into the hole and sleep for a week.



But I have duties.* Gotta be the bestfriend/sister/girlfriend/house keeper/therapist*





* = All questions/comments about the show shes watching, me, and life mother has made in under ten minutes.

Today was actually pretty lovely.



I got to babysit for six hours straight. I absolutly love my niece but ever since she turned two its like the pyscho switch flipped on in that little brain of hers. She spends half her time screaming at the top of her lungs and running around like a nut....and I LOVE it!



She has the biggest personality I have ever seen. She was playing with a coaster and my sister went to yell at her. My niece just looks up with a calm look and responds; "Im. Playing. Momma." I started cracking up as my sister just looked at her daughter in shock. That little girl is freaking adorable.



That and she kept shoving me into the bedroom and shutting the door. The moment she'd shut it she would start yelling; "Auntie? Where is my Auntie? Auntie!? Auntie, where are you!?" Then she banged on the door before coming back inside to find me. So I made a bit more fun by hiding in random places in the bedroom and leaping out at her. She got so excited when I was chasing her she ran into a vaccum. lol Poor little thing.



The only bad thing is she has entered the "mine" phase of her life. Everything she saw, touched or licked was hers. Ahhh.....kids ^^

I hate....hate....HATE spiders. I hate the way they look and move and the fact that I always see them!



What I hate even more is killing them.

I swear. For each spider I kill it's tallied against me and one day they will rise up and attack me in my sleep. I also always seem to know when they are around me.



If I ever wake up from a dead sleep in the middle of the night....I know when I flip up those covers there will be a spider....and without fail thats always the case. I swear they are watching me. No one else ever seems to see spiders as much as I do. In fact we have lived in this place for two weeks now and I have seen at least ten spiders.....mother has seen none. -shutters- Even when I kill one and the remains are still there I still freak out......two words: zombeh spider. ^^



I reaaaaally do hate spiders....ick ick ick.

COMMENTS

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Sinistra
02:30 May 18 2011

You aren't the only one. It is the number one phobia in the world but more women hate them than men. They are creepy but they do have a lot of colorful legends about them.

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HecateProxy
02:39 May 18 2011

Well its kinda weird cause as a kid I used to play with spiders. I even caught a black widow in a jar and attempted to keep it as a pet (it died the day after) but now when I see them I attempt to strike a deal with them. lol

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Isis101
21:50 May 20 2011

I do too!

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POST COMMENT

A letter for you...since I can't say it to your face.



Dear L,

I have only known you for four years now ut he has known you longer. The two of you were friends before kindergarden and have been thick as thieves until high school ended. Then you dirfted....you pulled away because you got another boyfriend and a new group of friends. Now...I am glad you have new friendsbut Jacob is not only my boyfriend but my best friend. Now he wont say it to your face and I wont either. Because he wouldnt want me to. But that day when we ran into you and your new friends....you pretty much said hi and procceded to forget that we existed. And I got to see the depressed look that came over his face when you turned your back.

Now im pissed and depressed. Because I cant do jack but be there for him. He was one of the few people who stayed by your side when you came out. Through your numerious relationships. We sat there with you trying to help you out and when your mother threw you out Jacob and his family took you in.

Ignore me...whatever.

Just dont hurt someone who thinks of you as his bestfriend....



Just saying....



-A

Yay....its been fixed. Gimpy photos....but what can you expect with bathroom photos XP



I will trade them with better photos when those happen.......I look rather harsh today.

So I attempted to clear my photos in hope to rearrange them with an uploaded photo of my blue hair....but all it seems to upload is my same photo with the kitty ears and so on and so forth in the same order as before.....



Wth?

First off (though it has nothing to do with anything really) I remember when yo-yos used to be really cool. ^^

And still to a point I think they are still kinda cool. Anyone who can make it do tricks gets a bonus 10 points in my books. lol



Anywho....im stuffed. Dinner was fantastic. Spending time with my lovey was fantastic. The fact my hair is now officially BLUE is just the iceing on top of the cake. :D



Missing the red a bit but deff. digging this cool blue. I will most likkely through up some photos later on when I get some non-bathroom photos....because the picture always becomes less cool with a washer and dryer chillen in the back ground. lol



Ah.....today is a happy day.

Hope everyone else is having a good day as well.

I got to make dinner tonight for my love and my mum.



I spent six hours prepping the chicken in a delightful array of spices. Then I stuffed it with cut up carrots and apples.

Cooked it slowly for four hours.



Mae potatos au graten and for the appitzer a nice cup of cubed potatos with bacon bits. All in a salty cheesy tasteh sauce. :D



My house still smell delicious. ^^

Had a bit of a scare today....seems my boyfriend went missing for a bit. Leave it to me to know exactly where he was. AKA: dealing with our suicidal friend. -sigh- But all is well it would seem. Talked it out with him and let his family know what had happened. A little hectic day but it isn't so bad.



I hope my niece gets better Scarlet fever is pretty serious or so I have been told. Poor Hollie is in tears about my nephew. I don't know what to do for her. I try to send hopeful and kind words but what she really needs is a good hug. Shame she lives so far away.



Oh friday the thirteenth. I didn't even know you had arrived until a short time ago. No wonder why today has been fraught with personal demons. From tears to worry.....I hate you more than anything else in this world. One day I shall find a way to fight you but for now I muddle through.



Smile and nod. 'cause tomorrow shall be better. I get new headphones for music and dye to cover my ungodly blonde roots. I am rather excited about the whole thing to be honest....haven't told anyone that I am dyeing my hair. Figure it'd be a surprise for them. Not a big surprise. I dye my hair a lot BUT it will be a pleasant change in appearance. ^^





Ahhhh.....rambling is to end now.



Hope others had a better day than I.



-Proxy

Today started off with a bang.....

And by Bang I mean being yelled at for my mother not getting my text at three a saying that I was coming home....=/



Then it slightly picked up when she calmed down and checked my phone to see that I had indeed sent a text and her anger was misplaced.



Went out to go cash a check for fifty dollars so that I could buy my hair dye......bank was closed... ugh.



My sister then calls to tell us that my niece has scarlet fever...poor thing.

Then my other sister texts me to inform that my nephew has asperburgers. She really torn up about it as am I.





Today is a mess........going to drown myself in a video game. -sigh-

A sticky heat has been plaguing my little town for two days straight.





Now by the merciful Goddess she has opened the sky and allowed rain and hail to pelt this patch of earth.



Its glorious. A symphony of soft pattering of rain to the sharp tings of hail...all swallowed up by the mighty bellowing thunder that shakes my little home to its core.



This started off as a bad day.....



Its ending in a cleansing bliss......^^

Ugh....



So I am attempting a nine day fast to kick off my new diet....its already kicking my ass.



Its only day two and I only got four hours of sleep because my stomach woke me up....of course only I would dream about food during a fast. ^^;;

But its kinda cool. Did my research and nine days is usually the ending point unless you have a doctor supervising you. Some people can get really intense about these things....one guy whose blog I read fasted for sixty days....that...that just cant be good.



Yesterday....I drank a gallon and a half of water. I stil have to pee and I have been up for like an hour now XD

Oh will power be strong!



I think I should also start advoiding television.....because I never noticed befor but food is everywhere. Even in the kids show there is at least four shots including/mentioning food. Then the commericals are killer. Ugh.........



Temptation be damned! I shall prevail! hehe

Today I felt like Arnold from the Magic School bus; "Should of just stayed home."



But nuu....I was dragged into public....with my family.......these people should never be seen by the human public. At least not all at once.

Or with me.....

My family [and I mean this in the nicest way] tend to be the most critical people I have met. Even more so towards me. Their little black sheep.

Today while being miles away from the safety of my house and boyfriend and backed into a tiny resturant against the wall. I became the central target for their nagging.



I was poked at about for not being christian. How they pray for my soul everyday and how the end of the world could happen any second. I felt like gagging....of course this launched the conversation about how God is doing to much good around the world right now.



Then came the heckling about not having a job yet.....its not because I havent been looking damnit! I live in a teeny tiny town. Most places you can only apply online [I dont have a computer...just this little mobile phone] and when I am at a computer I spend at least an hour applying to places....no luck.



So the conversation finally ebbs away from me and goes on slowly and mundane. Then the waiter brings out three roses [one for each of the mothers at the table] My mother of course gets the tiny dinky orange rose and is complaining while my aunt has this big white rose. Well since Rose is also my middle name and I am my mothers youngest she remarks how she has a little rose like her daughter. My aunt remarks how hers is pure and white just like her daughter [my christian bubble cousin who is so very innocent]

Now I dont know what my mother has against me but she blurts out;



"That explains why mine is colored."



Yes....my mother in the midst of my grandparents; aunt and uncle and my cousin in a PUBLIC resturant announces that I am not a virgin..



FML

Dear body;



Please stop yawning. Your making my eyes all watery and I am not ready to go to bed yet.



Love;

Proxy

No one should ever accuse me of being graceful. I have more bumps and bruises than a pro boxer. Though I suppose its my fault....I tend to walk without looking.



Take last night into account.

Jacob and I were having a little conversation in the hall. Away from our friend Josh and during a silent moment my mothers alarm went off. Now I know why tripp pants are called that. For as I sprinted towards the livingroom I got tangled in a loop and fell on my ass. Needless to say this isnt as painful as earlier when I my myself in the face with a rouge phone. (my eyebrow still hurts) But it still hurt. hehe.



Ah well....what can you do? ^^

Im feeling tired and worn out. Dreams of sorrow only added to my ever piling stress. Really cant wait for Jacob to get home from school.



Need a little cheering up.



He is simple amazing....to bad the dream was about him.





=/

A little personal time with your pal Proxy :p







What Is Your Name:

They call me Proxy



How old Are You:

Nineteen



What Is Your Zodiac Sign:

Libra



Where Were You Born:

Indiana



What Color Eyes Do You Have:

Green



What Color Is Your Hair:

Natural- blonde

Current-Redish



How Tall Are You:

5'2"



How Much Do You Weigh:

Too much



What Is You Ethnicity:

Pasty :D



What Is Your Worst Fear:

Being forgotten



Are You Dependable And/Or Trustworthy:

Yes



If You Had A Choice About How You Were

Going To Die What Would It

Be:

Its a toss up between dying in my sleep or dying to protect someone I love.



Do You Suffer From Depression And/Or Anxiety:

Yup



Have You Ever Tried To Commit Suicide:

Yup



Have You Ever Purposely Caused Harm To Yourself Or Someone

Else:

Not some of my finest moments



Are You A Paranoid Person:

Dear God yessss



Do You Get Jealous Of Other People:

Yessss



Are You Obsessive And/Or Compulsive:

Kinda?



Are You Hyper Active:

I can be ^^



Are You A Violent Person:

Im a passive person



Do You Take Your Anger Out On Other People:

Sadly sometimes



Do You Blame Other People For Your Mistakes:

Nope



What Is Your Favorite Strategy Game:

Monoply



What Is Your Favorite Movie:

Phantom of the Opera...quickly followed by Repo! The Gentic Opera.



Who Is Your Favorite Band:

Nightwish



What Is Your Favorite Song:

Uhhhh.....hmmmm......iunno



Who Is Your Favorite Actor/Actress:

Ummm....id be lucky if I could remember anyone XD



What is Your Favorite Color:

Black, Red, Purple and Grey



What Is Your Favorite Food:

Fruit :D



What Is Your Favorite Drink:

Earl grey tea



Are You A Virgin:

Ummm...nooo



Are You Kinky:

Personal D:



Have You Ever Dyed Your Hair An Unusual Color:

My hair has been every color but white/silver and orange.



Have You Ever Shaved Your Hair In A Socially Unacceptable Way:

No



Do You Have Any Religious Beliefs:

Pagan



Do You Have Any Self Inflicted Scars:

Yes....not to proud of them but im dealing.



Does Pain Turn You On:

Once again Personal D:



Do You Stand For Originality And/Or

Creativity:

I stand for myself.



What Do You Like Most About Life:

The little twist and turns along the way and the people you get to meet.



What Do You Dislike Most About Life:

Some twist and turns are a little too deep.



Have You Ever Pierced A Body Part Yourself:

Nope



Have You Ever Had To Beg For Dinner Money:

No?



Do You Own A Car:

Sold it



Have You Ever Been To Jail, Yet:

Nope



Do You Have Actual Scars From Hardcore Shows:

No



Have You Ever Had To Vomit While Making Out: Ewwww....no



Have You Ever Held A Job For Less Than A Day:

No.



Whats Is Your Sexual Orientation:

Bisexual



What Is Your Ultimate Goal In Life:

Just to start my own business and marry the person I love.



Do You Have Any Tattoos And/Or Piercings:

Lip pierced....want a tatto though



What Is Your Favorite TV Show:

Invader Zim and Taboo



What Is Your Favorite Book:

XD Thats like asking me what song I like best....



Do You Smoke:

Nope



Do You Drink:

I have and most likely will in the future



Do You Use Illegal Drugs:

No



Do You Party A lot:

Nope



Did You Graduate High School:

Yup

Nerd Rage!!!!





I have been playing Persona 4 for two days now and im at the point when you are anxious to get further into the story so I neglected save as often as I should......



Thats when........mother did the unmentionable.........she flipped the breaker and turned off the entire power all because she kinda very much so caused a small explosion in the back of our dyer and broke it. Her mind thought that turning the power off and on would fix it. I had just reached level 26 from my constant level grind and POOF there it all went.

My stress level just sky rocketed....

Then I rebooted my game and worked my way back to level 26 and then............I died......once again.....my hard work lost. TT-TT



Ugh....not a good day.