The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I know i'm all fucked up

From all the stuff you said

But i really should not listen

To the voices in my head...



One shoulder has an angel

That says i need some fun

But theres a little demon

Sitting on the other one



One is quick to tell me

That all my pain will pass

And i should go on living

Or she'll kick me in the ass



The other whispers softly

That pain will quicker go

If i just slit my wrists

And let the blood freeze in the snow



And so the torrid arguement

Reverbs in my head

Do i really want to live?

Or should i just be dead?



Insanitys a funny thing

So with much introspection

I listen to both arguements

For truth and for deceptions



Both have their points, i will concede

I wearied of this world

Long before my "recent loss"

into depression hurled



And i can't find a reason

To just rebuild and then

Have my life so newly fixed

Torn apart again



The angel on the right replies

That help and time will heal

The demon points out poignantly

Death ends it all for real



So I listen while they spat

And debate to and fro

All the whileI idly count

Ice diamonds in the snow



.. and looking at the icicles

I listen to their "sell"

And realize that i'd warmer

If i lived in hell



But.. you love the summer!

The angel does point out

Camping in the woods

And scurrying about



In these you take pleasure

This place you live is home

The demon points out quickly

Its no fun to walk alone



And i don't know the answer

... watching snow drift from the skies

I listen to them argue

While we ponder my demise.

I was swamped in despair.. i admit it, when he came..

It was dark; as it is always when you wake from horrid dreams...

I sobbed into my pillow in the total black of night

Fighting back the horror and my screams

Knowing in the dark nothings what it seems



With my pillow soaked, i lay exhausted.

Feeling old and tired, though that is nothing new...

When i heard the fluttering of feathers in the dark

I knew not where they came from or where they're going to.

Perhaps mind decieves me, but who knew?



I don't own a bird, and never had one stray in here...

So i listened for a moment, when I heard it come again.

I rolled over, looking round me for the source

Thinking some stray thing was blown in by the wind

Then i saw him in the corner by the streetlight drifting in....



He was beautiful and tall, his wings were black..

Startled for the moment, I could only stare

And i could see him watching me as i was watching him.

No word, or none that i could hear as he was standing there.

Perhaps he knew for Life, i no longer cared



I'd no idea what this creature could even possibly want.

My life, my soul, then take it wraith its nothing to me now

He moved closer to me in the darkness of my room

I didn't see a weapon but instead i saw him bow

Whatever was this creature wanting of me now?



Instead he sat beside me on the bed

Then he sat silent, waiting, perhaps for me to speak

He didn't move a muscle beyond what it took to sit

And i lay silent wondering what this creature seeks.

And then he speaks...



The whisper was familar, it was gentle it was soft

Familiar like a voice i'd heard before, perhaps in dream.

He touched me softly only with the tip of feathered wing

Showing me that nothings what it seems

- I wait for him to tell me where he's been..



He said "I'm truly sorry that i wasn't here tonight.

Its obvious you needed me and I was not around

Demons sometimes have their own errands to run."

I could hear him speaking but his lips had made no sound

My thoughts were bound...



"I promise that no nightmares will trouble you again

You're exhausted, let me guard you in your sleep

I can lay and hold you here, you need not be afraid

And you know all your secrets i can keep"

(i swear to you no evil things will creep)



Desperate and alone i nod my scarlet head

He held me with his wings wrapped around my heart

The demon lay beside me, there upon my bed.

Sleeping in his Feathers in the Dark.

COMMENTS

-

---

NLW
00:48 Mar 07 2009

I love this. It's beautiful!

---

POST COMMENT

FOR EVERY GIRL who EVER had an X!!!!!

This not about ANYONE.. not even about the guy i've been writing about recently

Its my 1st husband.. its my 2nd husband.. its every boyfriend i ever had.

So this is a song for ALL THE GIRLS who have Xs who make you crazy because you won't behave the way they want.



******************************



You called me up this morning to talk about my songs

And shit that i've been writing, to tell me that its wrong

To air my broken heart or put it out on public view

As usual my darling, this isnt' about YOU~!



chorus

Everytime I find a way to deal with how i feel

You come along, you say its wrong, oh god this can't be real

You took all of me, then threw my life off track

and nothing you can ever say will ever give it back...

(you just can't do damage control.. cause you can't take it back...)



Gee .. you know i'm sorry, my pains messing with your life

I don't care if she's your girlfriend or if she's your future wife..

My pain is MINE i'll write it down, anywhere i like

Stop crushing me in private, baby, you don't have that RIGHT!



chorus

Everytime I find a way to deal with how i feel

You come along, you say its wrong, oh god this can't be real

You took all of me, then threw my life off track

and nothing you can ever say will ever give it back...

(you just can't do damage control.. cause you can't take it back...)



bridge:

so fuck you if think that i should just bottle it up inside

when i leave it there its only eating me alive,

But you just want your privacy

I"m fighting for my sanity

I'm not giving me up for your pride!



So look around at what is left cause its how you want to be

You can pretend that you're so perfect but you're not fooling ME

So keep your ring and keep your notes and all that other stuff

Please do me a favour, baby.. just fuck right off!



chorus

Cause.... Everytime I find a way to deal with how i feel

You come along, you say its wrong, oh god this can't be real

You took all of me, then threw my life off track

and nothing you can ever say will ever give it back...

(you just can't do damage control.. cause you can't take it back...)

COMMENTS

-

---

Isis101
02:24 Jan 04 2009

COOL! I can relate...

---

POST COMMENT

I'll write your name in blood all over me

I'm gonna slit my wrists to make the ink

And when the canvas's covered you will see

I saved the last of me for you to drink

(I can't think)



Have you ever hurt so very much inside

You need to see the pain upon your skin?

And did some sweet love take you for a ride?

Then when the pain just eats you up they tell you its a sin...

(where'd it begin?)



Who's there to love you when its done

And everything you dreamed will eat you up

Lovers only love you while its fun

So you watch your blood dripping in the cup

(drink it up?)



Take the athame down off the wall

Its ritual abuse but you're the one holding the knife

If you let them they will take it all

As they suck up your love and then your life

(a sacrifice?)



Whats left for you when everything is gone

And the blood once in your veins is on the ground

You're no longer anybodies pawn

And it no longer matters what went down

(I'm not around)



Surrounded by the nothingness thats death

No more pain or sorrow and no tears

I will swear to you with my last breath

That i won't miss my anguish or my fears

(The end is here)

Once you said you loved me, then you cast me aside

I swear to you I've done my best to stop from loving you

I know that its embarrasing for you to know i cry

And i should just "get over it" The way you want me to



But I'm just too far gone i guess and i can't make it work

And though i know i try Its all for naught

I'm sorry if my bitching makes you feel like a jerk

cause i don't mean to put you on the spot..



chorus:

But you're the one whos causing all this pain

I wish that i could help myself.

That something could be gained

From all the hurt and i swear that its true

I wish that i could stop my love for you.



The dark is way too lonely and too cold

My demons swirl around me in the night

I know you'd wish i'd disapear if you could be so bold

But nothing that try, ever turns out right.



And all the best laid plans of mice and men

Cant save me from the fate that waits for me

If I could do it over then i'd do it all again

Which truly shows how stupid i can be...



chorus:

Cause you're the one whos causing all this pain

I wish that i could help myself.

That something could be gained

From all the hurt and i swear that its true

I wish that i could stop my love for you.



bridge:

You crushed me when you cast me off for her

You said you'd love me always but you lie

A younger woman gave you want you want

And now i wish that i could wilt and die!

I've tried to hide my pain and pretend that i don't i don't care

But i cant stand the hurt when i reach and you're not there....



Now no one holds my hand when I'm afraid

Cause i can't trust myself and i just want to die

The things that you will do to get you laid

Are killing me and shattering me inside



I know that i don't want to love again

You've shown me just how worthless I can be

And if i'd just shut up and seal away my pain

I'm sure you'd be entirely relieved...



chorus:

But you're the one whos causing all this pain

I wish that i could help myself. That something could be gained

If i could rip my heart out of my chest i swear i would

But we both know my life has never turned out like it should...

With all this hurt and i swear to you its true

I wish that i could stop my love for you...

Ya no matter what you say and no matter what i do

Only death it seems will stop my love for you.

She screams PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME! But he's already gone...

Alone in the dark, now its over, its done.

and the tears fall unheeded and with agony tears

her heart from her breast and she watches it there

Laying so cold on the ground at her feet

Amazed in her horror to watch it still beat

For how can she still be alive to still feel

When everythings finished and nothing seems real

And nightmares surround her and horror and fear

Cause nobody loves her and nobody cares

And over and over she wonders, amazed

That her heart is still beating, her head is so dazed

Yet still she can feel all of this in her mind

No hope in her future no healing to find

And blind to her pain he just turned and he went

She drifts back to hell, to that place she's been sent.

Ode to a dead cyber affair



It's gone but not forgotten

And this is not a dis

There really are so many things

'bout this affair I'll miss



The soothing sound of your sweet voice

that caused my heart to soar

(Though i admit t'was hard to hear

above the cell phones roar)



Your tender vows of passionate love

Forever meant to last

(Though i wondered just how often

you'd used that line in past)



I'll miss the sexy tone of voice

That made my thighs so wet

(but when we finished talking

dildos were a safer bet)



I miss the soft sweet nothings

You'd whisper in my ear

(though i didn't really do the things

you told me to, I fear)



That night when by soft candle light

Our webcams showed desire

(i can't apologize enough

for setting the sheets on fire)



And though it did not smoothly go

You caused my heart to jump

(and i never blamed you once my dear,

you could not get it up)

But i do miss your laughter

And those moments all alone

That we spent jerking off, my love

Together on the phone

She lay upon the dew soaked grass

In tattered satin gown

Alone and lost, forgotten

As the rain came pouring down



Her face, half burried in the mud

One blue eye open to the sky

As people on the boulevard

Oblivious, walked on by



Faded in her beauty

Once so delicate

No longer wearing finery

Or jewels so intricate



She lays among the dirt and weeds

And no one sees her there

Dirty faced, stares at the sky

Nobody knows or cares



Yet she once was somebodys love

Her gowns were finest silk

Safely held in someones arms

Her skin as white as milk



But now she lies half burried

Where no one saw her fall

Sinking slowly in the dirt

A broken porcelain doll

Dont' TOUCH ME!

Soul shattering screams in the astral...

Dont HURT ME!

I've had enough pain, a whole life full...

Don't LOVE ME!

I'm frozen and achingly fragile

Don't WANT ME!

I'm poison; and dark souled in lifestyle



Don't TELL ME

I know you don't have the right words

Don't FIGHT ME

No matter what you may have heard

Don't MAKE ME

Run screaming off into the night

Don't CALL ME

I'm not coming back from this flight



Don't JUDGE ME!

You've not walked a mile in my shoes

Don't PLAY ME!

We both know that i've paid my dues

Don't ASK ME!

You don't know where my answers lie

Don't HELP ME!

When darkness comes just let me die.

I'm not going to make it *she whispers*

Alone to the dark she could scream,

But theres no one around who can hear it

Locked in her mind in a dream



And the cold winds of winter swirl round her

And fear even colder than night

Freezes her blood and her body

As slowly she loses the fight



She whimpers, no arms wrapped around her

Huddled alone on the ground

She cries to the wind all unheaded

Naked, alone with hands bound



No requiem, no one to mourn her

She locked them all out with their lies

One agonized breath left to leave her

She closes her eyes... and she dies.

I awake in the dark before dawn

From a nightmare, clutching the sheets

Lost in a world with no light

With no compass, no map, for strange streets



No solace, no cure for the pain

Thats tearing my heart from my chest

No longer a lover to cling to

No friendship to help me find rest



MAKE IT STOP! I scream to the darkness

But theres no one to hold back the tears

Streaming endlessly over my face

My soul taken over by fears



So the pain unceasingly grows

Till all senses are far overwhelmed

No light guiding me through my darkness

No pilot with hands on the helm



I'm lost.. so so lost, and so hopeless

I'll never find my way home

Seeking within me a reason

For some will to even go on



I grope in the dark for solutions

Finding only a knife and my pain

Solace I find in the ending

My life flowing out of my viens.



Don't cry for me now that its over

My agonys finished, its best

The pain finally over and ended

Be happy for me in my rest.