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We are not simply good or evil. We all have both light and dark. Nothing is black and white. The world is shades of gray.



We all have our own duality. We feel strongly about certain things, but instead of being able to choose one side of the coin; we end up identifying with both. We see the light and dark.



This causes indecisiveness in our hearts, minds and souls. We love what we hate and we hate what we love. We try so hard to find a balance. Most of the time we flip flop until we get it right. Sometimes it takes days. Sometimes weeks and months. Most of the time; it takes years.



I guess you could say our duality is our cross to bear. A thing, a person, a feeling, a life forbidden. Regardless; it's important to us. We wouldn't spend so much time on it if it wasn't.



Our duality can lift us up or bring us down. Most of the time it's designed to do both. It goes with who we are as people. With what we want and desire. With our hopes and dreams. It can attack or heal.



This brings us back to the balance of duality. The life fight. All we do is seek to find balance in a world where there is none. Is there an answer? Maybe. Perhaps the answer is that instead of trying to fit in and balance, we should make our own space and unbalance the equation. We are not meant to fit into the world. We are meant to make the world fit into us.

I've tried in my way to be free.



We try so hard to be free, to purge away the things that in our eyes hold us back. We try to shed the shackles of religion, property, governments and opinions. We seek social order in a world of chaos and greed.



But all we really need and seek; what we really want...is to be comfortable.



We find comfort in people, organizations, our work, our family, love...look hard enough and we find it. We connect to something or someone.



What is comfort? Something that makes the world a little easier to live in. Life in itself is hard. When you find something good...something that doesn't make life terrible; hold on to it.



Sure, sometimes those things bring us hurt and pain. Make us feel things we don't want. But in the end, it's all about pruning. In order to grow into who we are, we must destroy ourselves. Cut away so we can grow.



One might even let go of something just to grab onto it later. In the end, we kill ourselves every day just to survive. We wake up and inhale toxins, stress about work, lose sleep over worries and sorrow so we can be better tomorrow.



Tomorrow holds nothing but possibility. For some; only nothingness. Whatever we do, we do because we're trying to survive. To find comfort. To live comfortably.



I'm comfortably numb. I go to a dream, not knowing if it will come to pass. But in the end, it's all that I've got left. It helps me. It comforts me. Who can fault me for trying? Who can hate me for making myself comfortable?



I seek until I find. Until then; all I have are my dreams. Walk on them...spit on them. But they're still my dreams. Maybe one day they'll come true. If not; I gladly let myself be damned. At least I fought. I'll die knowing that I lived my life fighting for freedom. For comfort.



In the end, that's all anyone could ask of me.



-ESS

COMMENTS

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KynthiaLucian
20:52 Feb 08 2013

wow! that is really deep!



but makes total sense!

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It's my birthday in 80 minutes. I'll be 25 years old. I lay here and I'm filled with a sadness. Sure, I'm way better off than I was last year. I have a job...and...hmmm. There is more I'm sure, but right now nothing is coming to mind.



My spirit/soul is worse off. I've gotten sick more times this past year of life than the past 5-6 years combined. I don't sleep well anymore. Never did, but now it's starting to grind at me. I feel like the flame of my heart is slowly fading. I don't take much joy in anything these days.



I feel so tired. I don't want this to sound like I'm complaining, I'm simply stating how I feel. Take from this what you will, however reads this.



I should be happy that I've lived another year and I get the chance to live another one. But I'm not. I'm afraid, scared of who I'll be this time next year. I've learned no one will save you. You have to save yourself. But what people don't tell you is that sometimes, yourself is the thing that wants you to fail.



Everything is starting to spin. Eyes are closing. Time for bed.



Goodnight 24 me...hello 25.

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LordFangor
12:05 Feb 04 2013

Jesus H. Christ !!!!

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