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It will be 5 years this september since my father passed away and birthdays are painful. Had my father lived to this day he would be retiring from the marines after a 40 year career. He had planned to buy a New Harley and relocate somewhwere up here closer to me so he could experience the joys of being a grandparent. (at a later date mind you)



That never happened because on september 29th 2001 my father made one last phone call, to me for my 19th birthday that night and never made it to the next morning.



Birthdays are supposed to mark another year of life but today for what would have been my father's 60th all it reminded me is just how short that life is and that every year is just one more closer to the end.



A wise man once told me it's ok to cry it's part of the mourning process and if you don't go through the propper channels of Grief each time gets harder. He was right about everythin but one little part. It's doesn't make the losses harder, just the years.



Goodnight all,

and Father, happy birthday and goodnight

I went to the Concert! I looked forward to it all week but just when you are at the height of fun it all came crashing down, or should I say I came crashing down. That's right I went down.



I tried to sneak up on a friend and pounce on her, instead i hit a spot of mud, trid to recover and came down hard. 2 hair line fractures in my right ankle, a mildly sprained wrist and the joy of pulling glass out of my knee and palm.



I wish I could say that this stuff never happens to me but it always seems the more fun I have the worse the injury tends to be. (Thank heavens there wasn't any begels) At first I thought maybe i got careless when i was having fun but I've been very catious and it still doesn't help.

I could scream

I'm sure you have all been there

You think that you know someone

You love them and trust them

then you're broad sided with the news

Just a full out "Thwack!" to your ego

You ask yourself if you are inadequate

and you find every possible flaw with in yourself

you doubt yourself

and you may even hate yourself

As if taking the blame into yourself is the best

I can't do it

I won't do it

I know I'm not inadequate

I know there is so much in me

But why can't they see it?

Why is it you care so much that they see it?

It's just so ...

Frustrating