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To love means to fail. To trust is to fall. I have learned these two lessons as of late. Two very valuable lessons no one should ever forget. I have also learned to truly love someone you fail .. You will fail to disapoint. You fail to think of what it was ever life with out them. Learning to fall means you must leap head first. Give that person your all don't be afraid to fall for they will pick you up and hold your hand and whether the storm together. I have my dark girl my hareld that will guide me through the path of darksnes. I am to here an protector her suit of armor when it gets rough. I will fight for those that I love. Heart of one given to one. I yoPromise to protect you my dark angel. you will find peace in my arms. For this isn't a mere dedication but a promise and an reflection.
Stop crying...It's gut check time. We all hit a rough patch in life. It is human nature that we all want to be something more. If not you clearly are dead right? Well earlier in life I lost my grandmother the first person I looked up to in life years later my god sister after her my mother got cancer she passed then my grandfather the most influential in my life. After all these deaths I became numb. After years of service in the Military I became numb to the sights I saw. After a failed marrige I became numb. Abraham lincoln failed at much in his life buisness ,his first go at politics , life , lost his wife to illness ended up becoming one of the most influential presidents in american history. I learned in life that you need to stop crying. Crying will not solve all your problems. Slyvester Stalone in Balboa said life is not how hard you can hit its about how ard you can be hit and keep on moving. Percevere pick yourself up look it in the face give life the fuck you and make it your own. I push through the pain and I refuse to get up. I refuse to become a statistic I refuse to be another number. I am not a number I am me. If you ever thought about doing something take it head on. Life is short and I am going to make the best of it. In my short comings I am going to stiffen it and improve it. I've realized what I have to bring to the table and will follow my strengths and improve my short comings. I will leave my footnote in history. I will no longer cry I will no longer let life beat me down to the ground. One of the biggest pains in my life is the reason I'm still standing...
Well said! *claps* And thank you for your service. This post should get a standing ovation. Did I spell that right? I hope your journal entry gets a ton of reads. A lot here need to read it and grow up.
Being someone that had a lot that happened the past year to her life everyone look at me and ask "Why you arent sad? why you dont cry?" I tell them that crying never solve anything. Yes ill cry but i wont keep crying for all my life. Ill morn but ill raise my head up look at the blue sky and smile. What ever happens is for a reason and we can only stand high and smile. Thats my answer. Keep smiling and keep postive. Crying and bit**ng drama never solved anything. You can achieve and win so many things with yoru good mood and smile. And trust me I really did. I found the love of my life. Good friends and im closer with my family than ever. Keep positive and always lookt he brigth side of your life. You are strong and brave and we need to keep our eyes open to see that. Live yoru life to its fullest.
That is so true Lilian and thats what changed my life. I refuse to become the victim. I 'm not going to let things I can't control make me who I am. I am doing to do what i want and be happy no regrets.
Devils Due
18:03 Mar 17 2017 Times Read: 432
People spat about how they say they have seen or been in hell. Well Welcome to my world rookie. I've seen things that would turn the most zen person insane. My angelic wings were ripped off on my fall.My personal asylum I have created for myself is quite lovely. Door is locked and I hold the key. Means no trespassers to come in. In my cell I am left to my thoughts and my own musings. I don't have people to sway my choices or opinons. I don't have those to question my creed. My creed is do as thou wilt. I've been called a little devil based off my actions in the past. Embracing what i have done and capable of is now. Give diablo his due...
Lately since I have been back I've noticed I havent been myself. I've realized I'm starting to become a hollow cell of my former self. The real me didn't let people in wouldn't let me get close to know me. As of late I have let a lot of people in my life. Some good some bad. People used to call me anam marbh in gaelic translates to dead soul. Meaning I was cold calculating but was a true silver tongue devil. My words would charm the best and cut down the vilest. In this state I was the happiest I wasn't vulnerable to others energy or bullshit. Then what happened a event changed me I started letting people starting invading my inner sanctum I started letting them in. At first was all positive then the vipers started rearing there heads. Being a fool I didn't see the wolf in sheeps clothing. Now Im left thinking how did I let myself get so stupid and do this. When you poke a bear so often its a matter of time till he doesn't snap but rather rip your head clean off. People wanted to see the demon wanted me to unleash the hate. Good job you have it. As of today anam marbh is back and is in better condition. Should have been carefull what you wished for. To think...my inner circle is going to start looking rather thin soon and after a while it will just be me myself and I. The only three i can fully trust.
Not meaning to poke fun at the situation....but I think you miscounted....there are 4 you can trust. I got you!
Trauma
16:51 Mar 14 2017 Times Read: 459
I'm having one of my days today. Lately I've been over worked. Six day work weeks 10-12 hour work days. Days off I'm still working from home. Lately working has been my way to cope. My drug of choice is staying busy. Haven't had much time to write or work on my YouTube or steam punk stuff. Today found myself at work curled up in a ball in my chair with my office door closed. Something has to give right? I know you have to go through hell to reach peace. But lately it seems it's a long road out of hell. I have those here comforting me. My beautiful therapist that I hold dear to my heart. My good open eared confident.
Sometimes the road is long but at the end everything is made clear. Have faith that brighter days are coming and they will get here. My inbox is always open. You know that I am here.
They say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. That might be true. But you cannot forget to take care of yourself. Didn't we just have this talk but instead it was you who gave me the pep talk about self care? *smiles gently*
Even if it is just 5 or 10 minutes a day....do something to relax or something you enjoy.
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