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Well, mom called today and said that Nan (my grandmother) had her test results come back. She has mild to moderate alzheimers and she has dementia. They also found a spot up towards her temples near the front of her brain. The doctor said apparently this could be the cause of her alzheimers as well and asked if she ever had a brain or head injury. None of us know. We are thinking if she did, it might have been a fall when she was a child.



And of course my mother has to be so pessimistic and tells me, "be prepared." I say, "for what?" And she says, "Well alzheimers is inherited." I told her bullshit, I don't believe that for one second. The way I see it is, your mental health is just as important as your physical health and if you keep up with it, it will last you as long as you need it to.



I think the biggest contribution to my Nanny's health has been the death of grandfather in March of 2006. They were high school sweethearts and were married for 50 years. To lost someone that you have been with for that long is damaging not only emotionally, but physically and mentally as well.



I wish I could bring her here to live with me. Since she was here last year she has gotten a little worse. When I call her, she asks who I am. But as soon as I tell her, she remembers and always asks how the kids are. My mother (my Nan's oldest child) and I refuse to put her in a nursing home. My 3 aunts in California (where my grandmother resides) are always complaining about her. My youngest aunt yells at her all the time, and said she wants nothing to do with her anymore. She was even charging her 500 dollars rent to live her. My grandmother is also a diabetic and isn't able to cook like she used to, and no one is home with her all day and when my aunt gets home its late and my grandmother is in bed. When she gets up and says she is hungry my aunt tells her they already put everything away and that she should have been up to eat. If I were there, that shit would not be happening.



So now the 2nd oldest aunt is taking care of her. A nursing home will not take her because she can still dress herself and do everything. So we are paying 500 a month for someone to come and sit with her while my aunt is at work.



When my 2nd oldest aunt finally got her moved in, my Nanny was sitting on her bed and put her face in her hands and said, "are you going to get rid of me too?" My aunt started crying and said, "No, mom. You're here forever."



The way I see it is, my grandmother raised 6 children, several foster children, worked all her life, never once charged her kids rent to live there, always cooked for them, provided for their needs along with my grandfather. Now it is her kids turn to repay her in the same manner.



I may be her grandchild but my grandparents raised me and I am the oldest grandchild, so I feel strongly about this. She raised me, and I would never charge her for anything.



It is now our turn to take care of those that have taken care of us.

Well, Eddy is my oldest. And he has given me the most shit all these years. I have so many gray hairs because of him.



He finally called after no one hearing from him for almost 24 hours. He had everyone worried.



Well he called in to his job yesterday and apparently called in today as well because he is camping with friends, that I don't fucking approve of at all. He is only 17 but these people he is hanging out with are all over the age of 21 and a bunch of fucking pot heads. He has gotten high before (I just found out) and it pisses me the fuck off. His father (not my husband now) of course is a pothead and doesn't find anything wrong with letting him do it. His father is also a damn felon, just got off of 5 years probation and has worked a total of maybe 1 1/2 years in his life and he is 36 now. What a fucking loser, lazy motherfucker.



Now I don't usually get all pissed off and angry but there are certain things that set me off and one of them is my kids being influenced in a negative way.



Some people say it is my sons own fault, and yes I agree that he can refuse to do something. Others say it is my fault for letting him hang out with those people, but if I call the cops, he will get arrested and that will ruin his chances of getting this new job that he starts on tuesday, and of course it will make him more pissed at me. We already don't see eye to eye.



He doesn't seem to understand that a mother doesn't stop being your mother when you turn 18. And his fucking father needs to be a damn father and not a fucking BUDDY!



I've been so damn stressed.

COMMENTS

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xxEmaeraldxx
23:48 May 25 2013

Good luck with that ... My mum is still being a mum in her 80's, it took me a while to realise that it was for the love of me she still tries to influence me. I smile and agree with her now :)

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POST COMMENT

Well my cousin is awake but doesn't remember anything. According to the toxicology reports, she didn't overdose on anything. They tried to find out what she did with her pills and my aunt thinks maybe she sold them to someone. When she started convulsing she bit off the side of her tongue as well.

Got a call from my mother at about 5:30pm today Friday, May 24th. She said my aunt had called from Calfornia and said my cousin Kassi had taken 50 Trazadone pills. Her best friend was getting ready to take her for an MRI and when they got in the vehicle, she started convulsing and foaming at the mouth. They took her in and started pumping her full of charcoal. That's the last I heard.

Okay maybe it is just me, or it could be other parents of teenagers and newly moved out kids.



My son will be 18 in July. He already graduated. He has his own truck, his own job, and just moved out on Saturday with some roommates. Well today, he brought his brother home and said he was leaving to go to split rock past jack creek with some friends. I asked which friends and he said just some friends. First of all, I have never heard of Split Rock. And I know this area. He left at 6:30pm. There has been an emergency with a family member and I tried to call him and text him. No answer or word back. It is now almost midnight and still havent heard back from him. His father hasnt heard from him and his roommates havent heard from him.



Am I being over protective? His phone is now either off or dead. It just goes straight to voicemail.



This isn't the first time he has refused to answer the phone to me though. But he still needs to remember that he is 17 and I am still responsible for him. And he still has a curfew by law.

If it's one thing I hate about Arkansas, it is the damn weather. I have a fear of tornadoes. I want to see one, but it better be moving away from me. I'd rather jump into a raging fire, than be in a tornado. It's that time of the year, the weather is bad and I am up paranoid. My hubby went to bed a few hours ago. He thinks I am overly paranoid. But you never know. I have to be prepared to jump in the bathtub with a mattress over me. I'm not getting whirled away, no way in hell.



What really sucks is when it is dark and stormy you can't see the clouds at all until the sky lights up and then you see it so briefly you think you saw a funnel cloud or wall cloud.

I wish we had a storm cellar.

What the fuck is this dudes problem? He rates me a 1, I go to message him why and it says he has blocked me from sending him messages. Then I rate him a 1 just because he's a fucking dick and it says the rate has been applied but the message has been stripped because he has me blocked.



UUUUUM? WTF? I've never even talked to this person before?



No wonder this assholes rating is a 4.77



Fucking dumbass!

I was recently let go from a job for having 7 1/2 points. Termination is 8 points, so how they fired me for 7 1/2 I have no idea. They gave me points when I had to rush my daughter (then 6 months old) to the doctor because she had touched a wood burning stove at the baby sitters and received 2nd degree burns. I got two points for her regularly scheduled visits for that. Anyways Human Resources gave me a bunch of shit which didn't make sense and I had proof that they made a mistake and they refused to even look at it.



So fuck them.



Today Human Resources calls my hubby into the office (he works the same place) and says that he reached 8 points. Here is where it gets tricky. He has 6 points but she claims he has 8 for 2 points given that were WEATHER days. She told me the same thing when I got fired that I was being fired for 7 1/2 and with the 2 weather days it would have put me at 9 1/2 but they don't count the weather days. So why are they counting the fucking weather days for Mike?



This job has screwed a lot of people and a lot of people are getting sick of their shit.



So he talked to the big boss today after work and he said he's going to call a meeting with the head of converting and human resources and he still goes in tomorrow morning. I think we will find out something tomorrow. I hope he gets to keep his job.

I remember when Joseph and Eddy were 3 and 6. We were at Pismo Beach walking along and all of a sudden Joseph picks up a rock and throws it at Eddy. I turned around to see his top lip had split up and down and he was bleeding a lot. We had to rush him to ER where they stitched him up.



I remember a few months later Joseph had picked up one of my guitar pedals and threw it at Eddy's forehead. He had to have a butterfly stich. He still has the scars for both of these.



I remember when Eddy was 15 months old and he walked over to a desk chair that had wheels. He fell on it and bit a hole completely through his tongue. We took him in where they stitched it closed. He doesn't remember that one.



I remember Joseph one time had his pocket knife out and he was carving a pencil (for some strange reason boys do these things), and before I knew it he was running to the bathroom slinging blood in the sink with a worried look on his face jumping up and down. He cut it all the way to the bone. Had to take him to ER to get stitches and he had to wear a small finger cast on it for a few weeks.



I remember when Joseph had this little plastic bow and arrow that he got from his uncle. Well he was playing with it and the arrow went down his throat and pierced the skin in the back of his throat. I took him to ER and they said that because it was in the mouth area, it heals on its own and that he didn't need stitches. I threw the bow and arrow away.



I remember Joseph and Eddy getting into fist fights, punching holes through doors, wrestling each other, ignoring one another, and most of all instigating fights with each other. It's really gotta be a boy thing.



I remember getting a call from the chief of police saying Eddy was out after curfew and he had a pack of cigarettes on him. Boy was I pissed.



I remember when Eddy started hanging out with this really bad kid in 10th grade (I didn't know he was bad at the time) and he dared Eddy to sneak into the band directors office and steal the cookie dough money that all the band kids raised for their end of school trip. Well I got a call from the vice principal saying that he stole money. I went to the school and he was sitting in the office with his shoes off, the money spread out everywhere, with his head in his hands and crying. Oh I let him have it that day. He got expelled for the rest of the year and had to make up for it during the summer. They told him that his Junior year he wouldn't be able to play in the band. They said if he made it through the year without any trouble that they would consider it for his senior year. Well he was never in any trouble before that, has always carried a B or higher gpa, and he didn't get in any trouble at all his junior year. And when senior year came around he told them to fuck off. That's my boy.



The joys of having boys. My youngest boy is entering high school in August. 4 years to go with him and then I have a daughter who will be a year old in July. So there is no telling what memories a little girl will bring. I am sure very different.

Graduation is here. The school just called and said that since our weather is looking rather gloomy, the graduation isn't taking place on the football field, instead it will be in the gymnasium. I guess that's okay since we won't be soaked, blown away and struck by lightening, but the gymnasium is small and crowded.



Oh well, he is graduating and that is what matters.

Fire season is here and it doesn't help with all the wind. Last year our 4th of July was banned because it was so dry. We had fires out the ass.



The biggest issue I have fighting fires is during house fires. Around here, it's apparently popular to cook meth and blow the place up, which in turn is dangerous for us even with our scba on. We had some guys rushed to ER because their scba was loose and the fumes from a meth explosion in a house got in their system. That has got to be the scariest thing to me.



Not to mention when we are finished with a fire our gear has to be washed right away because the chemicals stick to our turnouts.



While I am always ready and willing to take on a raging fire, at the same time I am scared.



I don't know what I will do the day I have to pull a person out of a fire and they are gone.



Especially a child or baby.



It's part of being a firefighter. Some things I can handle and others I can't.



I am sure you will all soon know a lot about me that you didn't care to.

COMMENTS

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VampireLily
15:01 May 16 2013

christ, that's brave...



brave and frightening to be responsible for another persons well-being even when they're so callous with their own lives. I can't imagine the situations you've had to walk in to.... and i guess the problem is that people often overlook what firefighters, EMTs and police go through on a daily basis.



thank you for being there....

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POST COMMENT

So my boy graduates tomorrow and he got a call from a factory job. He's excited. Of course I want him to be 7 forever, lol.



But yes, he works fast food right now (his first job ever) and was thrilled that he would be making more money with this job.



I am crossing my fingers for him. Tomorrow at 9:45 am he goes for the interview.



I hope he gets it.

Okay. I have received some emails asking why I rated them with a certain number. (By the way, I thought basic members couldn't see what rate they got? Because I just got email from basic members that knew what I rated them.)



It's like this: Vampire Rave has a rate system installed. It is based on a 1-10 scale. Some people rate everyone with a 10 others are more strict. I, on the other hand, have decided to rate based on the 10 things that follows:



~ A picture of yourself



Does your profile have a picture of you? Not someone else or pretty pictures of fairies or something, but a picture of you.



~ Your name (not your VR name)



Does your profile have your name? Not your VR name, but your first name? When I meet a person, I like to know their name at least. I can't very well address someone as "ShadowDwellerintheAbyss" now can I?



~ Your hobbies



Does your profile include your hobbies? What do you like to do outside of work or VR? It's nice to know these things as you might have something in common with your new friend.



~ Your religion



Does your profile include your religion? I have friends from all religions and believe it or not, it plays a big part in a good standing friendship as the way people believe can explain a lot about personalities and the little things they do that you might not understand.



~ Your age (not some made up vampire age)



Does your profile include your age? It's important I know how old you are so I know what not to say. I don't want to have an in depth conversation on the philosophy of sex with a 13 year old.



~ Mention of real family



Does your profile mention your family? We all came from somewhere, and most of us have siblings or offspring that we are proud of. Much like my friends in real life, I like to know about their family.



~ Education



Does your profile include any educational background that you might have? Are you just out of high school or college? What did you study?



~ Political views



Does your profile include your political vews? Are you a democrat, republican, don't care for politics at all? Interesting to know.



~ Profile Background



Does your profile have an actual background and interesting things on it? I like to see a persons creativity.



~ Music tastes



Does your profile mention the music you like? I like to know what people are listening to.



If this offends you, oh well. Learn to read a persons profile first. Don't just come here to be a VR whore. You will get no respect from me.

COMMENTS

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immortalxkiss
21:54 May 15 2013

Actually, with the Dashboard feature, all members types, free and Premium, are able to see who the last three people to visit their profile were and what their rating was.



I love your requirements. But I doubt you'll find many who meet all of them.

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queenofchaos
23:27 May 15 2013

Sounds like you're looking for a more personalized "profile" similiar to Facebook.



Thing is people don't have to list EVERYTHING about themselves, as it's a choice what one shares, and not a requirement.



People can take time and energy into their profile, and show they "care" without stessing more about what the like, want and look like, . That's more like a dating site in my views.

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Namaah
06:05 May 16 2013

Like I said, this is what I will base a profile on. If people get mad because they don't get a 10, oh well. I think facebook is a jumbled wreck and dating sites want to know more than what I listed.



No people don't have to put up certain things about themselves. They just won't get a 10 from me.



As far as people rating me low to get even or whatnot, I really don't care. If they read my profile they would know that.



But to each his own right?

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queenofchaos
06:40 May 16 2013

See, it's a website. A "Vampire" website non the less.



It's ONLY a number, who cares what one it is....really.



Yeah, to each their own. One of my favorite quotes.

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POST COMMENT

So tomorrow my son, Eddy, graduates. I am not too thrilled about it, in fact I know I will be bawling my eyes out. I am pretty sure all the mothers there will be doing the same. I mean I am thrilled that he is graduating and has finished high school and has plans for the future, but not that he will be moving out. It's depressing. And he is at that age where we aren't seeing eye to eye because I am mom and I embarrass him I guess. Last night at class night he didn't smile when he took pictures with me, but he did with his dad and his friends and his little sister. Just not me. On Mothers Day he came over for 1 hour to my mothers. He texted me to tell me to let him know when the food was done. He came over at 5pm and left at 6pm after he was done eating. My mom asked him why he doesn't want to spend any time with us and he said he doesn't want to be around us much because he has been with us for the last almost 18 years.



So I am wondering should I just leave him alone and let him find out how hard it is to be on his own or beat his ass? lol

My oldest son, Eddy, had class night this evening. Thursday he graduates. I am so miserable, I guess because he is still my baby. It is very hard, and I know all mothers out there will agree with me, to see your child grow up and want to leave the house. It saddens me because I know he isn't my baby, but a little man now.



I remember when I finished high school I was ready to be out of the house. I didn't care where I went, who I stayed with, or how I ate, I just wanted out because it wasn't cool to live with mom when you were turning 18 and graduated from high school.



I have let him know that if he ever needs help I will be there for him and do what I can and that he will always have a room here at home. Of course, I wish he would just live with me forever, but then again, I know someday hopefully not too soon, he will have a family of his own.



I am at a point where I am starting to question if I raised him right, how he is going to survive, will he be okay, what if someone picks on him, how will he eat, etc. And then I think okay. He has his own truck, his own job, he's almost a black belt, and I know he eats.



He has already been halfway moved out for the past month as his roommate is closer to his work then being 17 miles out here with me. I will have to do my motherly duty and 'visit' him. Everyday. lol