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Getting out into the crowds with your girl sounds like a lot of fun. I know the best bit is usually heading back home though.

I have been in a strange mood this entire month related to my sensitivity; I just can't be around others much at these times. I am wolf walker which is a classification in the vampire community. We are ronin vampyres that have a strong relationship with nature.

What's up?

Not much just been meditating a lot.

I've been helping Dee cook lasagne today on and off, its getting chilly here at nights, I'm off for a cuddle not that you needed to know that but I've been on the wine and I've gone a bit waffly lol

There's irritable heat wave here so I envy your cool weather. Enjoy the ambrosia. I don't drink much anymore. If I want to get inebriated I'd rather smoke some good herb but even that's seldom. I got too much spiritual things now that constantly feed such appetites.

I like a drink with Dee at the weekend. I'm not feeling very spiritual atm. All that has fallen down a deep well this month. Not sure if it's coming back this time it feels very distant.

A few weeks after I joined VR you asked me if I lurked from the outside. I said yes. I didn't see the point of signing in to read blogs. Now I don't sign in because I often get messages telling me how shit I am. I think fuck that I'm not dealing, so I don't log in until I feel like seeing what's in that box of delights.

My point is that people have reasons for not wanting to sign in and even then, who cares what they get up to? It's hardly trying to crack someone's profile password, is it? Lurking?

Another one is logging in and getting seen. Someone sends a message, and you don't answer — and then they spam with loads of angry messages and F-Us because you left without answering. I've had that sometimes.

I suppose it comes down to how you deal with things. A lot of people craft lies to explain what they want to hide. You'd be surprise just how much I sense that in every interaction with people. People don't exactly like the fact that they are naked and exposed and would much rather be told the sweet lies and flattery. When they are presented with someone that looks into their soul past their mask they deal with it in different ways. A narcissist will react with manipulation because their personality has developed that way often from trauma in their youth and can't deal with seeing their true selves so spend all their energy crafting a mask. They can get quite creative in that endeavor all empowered by that need to hide from what they can't face and keep the illusion . In Jungian Psychology it mentions they almost never change to work on true healing as they would rather double down with more manipulation to get what they want. Threats of suicide, smear campaigns to ruin reputations, more convincing lies to explain things and all kinds of manipulation. I have found it is one of the chief challenges to deal with on this site. One of the biggest supporters of narcissists is empaths. There's a lot of those on this site as it's tied to vampirism if they develop and trigger the deeper aspects. When they sense the other they do what they can do feed the mask. But then you have all these empaths all dancing to the tunes of a few narcissists. There's a whole mob of them here like lemmings striving to fit in. Now some empaths evolve and see what's going on like me. We are not liked. That's okay this vampire lord will be here and endure the haters and manipulation games for the sake of those that will need help. In the meantime my need to feed grows and I'll do some hunting according to my personal code not the status quo of so many manipulated by the strings of their masters that has fucked this site all up.

Yes I'm relearning about good management of my time. I actually don't get that many messages so when I did and I see them I tend to respond. I should also mention that another tool of the narcissist is "love bombing". They shower you with affection in different forms then manipulate you against certain people. Take a good look around the behavior on this site. The poetry, music, art and confessions of love etc. and all in a PG-13 setting. *SMH* Anyway, yeah I need to manage my time better and prioritize work rather than answering messages. I've dealt with those that are cowards and create profiles with the purpose of smearing your reputation and being a nuisance with blocks, downrates, and journals with nasty comments. Then an admin has to suspend them but like vandals that paint graffit it takes a while for it to fade or get painted over. The blocks stay for a month and the downrates for as long as the site and your profile remains. I think it's just wise to adapt to building a tolerance to it. I see it as a price to pay for the better aspects of this site. It does try my patience at times and need breaks from the site. But I can hang.

I think there is a difference in lurking and those that need to hide their actions by logging off. It's not like your activity isn't recorded in lurk mode you are just not seen as online. Anytime you go to a journal it is recorded in last ten feature. If you go to a profile you appear there and on dashboard. Not so if you are logged off then look at things where you are hidden and unrecorded by site mechanics. I have been trying to give comments with my activity rather than just something done in secret. Like with honor, Stream posts and journal comments. Yes I do tend to give anonymous honor because I don't really see my name carrying much weight on the site but I've been trying to change that now as a sire and society master. But I have never taken honor anonymously which is cowardly to my code. If I give a thumbs down in Stream I own up to it. Others seem to not like it but fuck them they need to learn to deal with it or just fucking block me.

Masks are essential online. A boundary. A statement. It says if you're not invited past it, don't pry and when people do, you've proven the point why it's there in the first place. Perhaps not in all cases. It's still a red flag.

I understand some are happy to be open online, I'm not. I want that ability to be anonymous, to feel I have a level of privacy. I'm not an open book in life or online and anyone expecting me to be unwillingly isn't going to get near me. I afford others the same reasoning.

I find it quite liberating to come from behind my mask now and again, although then you end up in the position of royally fucking yourself in your own ass when the fallouts and recriminations start.

Do you need to look into a person's soul just to reply on a website?

When you said:

"Take a good look at the behavior on this site. The poetry, music, art and confessions of love etc. and all in a PG-13 setting."

What do you mean?

When you say:

"I don't really see my name carrying much weight on the site, but I've been trying to change that now as a sire and society master."

Aside from the admins, we're a bunch of bloggers. Your name won't alter anything however it's perceived, will it? Am I missing something?

My levels have gone back up btw, after I posted in the stream, a wolf was enough. I need to remember to post regularly there. Thank you for reminding me.

To me it depends on how they are used. I strive to respect the boundaries people set unless they abuse it or need a gentle nudge to pull them out. Sometimes it's just about waiting on them to mature.

I'm not happy being open but the alternative is worse to me and sets a bad example for others. I obviously thinks its stupid to share sensitive data like your credit card or social security number but when its about who you are then it gets to be problematic. Yeah if they don't share and don't respond to gentle coaxing then it best to be patient and just stay by them even when they act out.

Being vulnerable requires trust and is needed to form a true connection but then when you have a falling out its used against you and hurts deeply. I agree you need to guard your heart but how one does that is not always a good way and good for everyone.

This is a vampire website. The home page read thus: "Vampire Rave is the social networking website for vampires and goths. We are a home for real vampires around the globe. If you're looking for a darker gothic or vampire social network, you've found it. I think the standard of what that means is different than normal.

I mean this site is open to 13 year old youths and up. I kind of feel like I'm addressing them in my writing style at any given moment out of consideration. People tend to forget that when they are posting their shit. Its easy to escalate and then they may be hurt in the process. Now what constitutes safe content for that age is up to different people. I know I was subject to some very brutal things when I was young. I think it did permanent damage so try not to repeat it. Though its a hard balance to keep especially to HLV which usually are exposed to abuse that made them dark. In this case the site is like a primer to help them work through it in a safe way rather than repeat it.

This a a social network. Some relationships are strictly online while others develop outside of it on more personal levels and that may even include the metaphysical to kindred who have that aspect. You can demonstrate who you are by how you act on this site. For vampires there are hidden depths. In some ways the things you see in movies like Underworld are actually taking place right now on this site especially dealing with different factions.

Don't forget you don't actually need to post a graphic but can just comment on another post to get the bonus. It doesn't need to be in the default setting that plays out in the present but you can type in search by user and comment on old ones too.

I think masks need to be respected even when abused. Tearing people's identities away sets a precedent where no one can hold onto anonymity.

I understand when you say it gets problematic when there's resistance to sharing 'who we are' yet online, a website? No, it's not the place.

I agree, being vulnerable requires trust, yet in the wrong setting, it leads to regret, as often happens, here on VR.

Regarding the PG13 rating on the VR, If admins are OK with a post, there's nothing else to think about.

I think how people act on a website or anyplace is misleading as perceptions rarely align with reality until truth binds them.

Thank you for letting me about the stream Tree, it'll save me loading endless pix of wolves.

Again depends on how they are used. Using it as a tool of manipulation can wreak havoc to vulnerable members. If you see it and do nothing when you could have then you are partly responsible.

Well that's your opinion. I'm not here to change it. I know people are different but there are some that don't need to be that way and are free to be themselves they may be more apt to relating with me than others. Especially among fellow occultists and kindred that can be tricky to navigate. Having someone there to help them get oriented who are lost is this rangers duty; Help them see the dangerous animals and how to fight them off for themselves as well as wilderness lore; Teach them how to track and hunt.

No risk no reward. Some do get jaded from too many bad experiences when trusting the wrong people. In the case of the narcissist and empath they seem to keep falling back into the same patterns and need to understand why before they can move on.

The admins have been used as tools for manipulators far too many times for me to put much trust in them. I understand they do a voluntary service here and is important and worthy of respect for it but at the same time they are not perfect and make many mistakes but you rarely here about that just when others are in the wrong. If they can't demonstrate a measure of humility I tend to stay away from them. CTD is the most down to earth one to me and she's dutifully here often by what I see. Others don't seem to be around that much. They must probably be in therapy unless they are sleeping with their therapist. lol I'm still wondering why the fucking Database entries aren't being processed anymore. I finally have content to submit and now can't.

Yeah I agree lots of deception and misdirection used in nature inclusive of society. I take comfort in truth and displaying openly to help others in such a place.

There's nothing wrong with posting the same pictures other than they are being saved in a server bank somewhere with other VR stuff and can add to maintenance costs. If people want to use the same memes over and over to get attention or it fits the situation to them and their mood then that's cool. I personally try to have something new and if I don't create it myself or buy/license it then share the source to help promote them. Just seems right to me. Gets expensive though and then when the haters express their anonymous hate feels like a waste. I endure it though.

I smiled when you wrote:

"Having someone there to help them get oriented who are lost is this ranger's duty."

You have guided me on VR since I joined, helping me get used to some of the more complicated aspects. Your mindset makes sense to me.

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I think we relate to each other very well Tree. My comments were a generalisation.

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When you say "manipulation can wreak havoc on vulnerable members," I agree. So they can undermining admin with disrespectful comments. It's all or nothing. Either get behind fully supporting vulnerable members by being aware your own words can be viewed as equally damaging as any other member on this site or accept that we're all emotionally dangerous people using a website where vulnerable people will be affected by all of our words.

Personally, I think it's difficult to protect anyone on this website, vulnerable or not, because the best of intentions are easily misconstrued into something negative and hurtful.

Here's an example. I wrote a poem as a gift months ago. The person loved it. I turned the poem into a song — to my mind, they loved the poem, they'd love the song — yet they hated the song and felt it derogatory.

The point is, we are all capable of hurting other members on this website and there's always motivation and self-justification behind those actions. And one person's justification for attacking another member is no purer than anybody else's.

If you want to be a guiding light for vulnerable members, you need to be neutral, yet your blogs are littered with personal attacks on people. It's true, you know it is Tree. And I'm sad to see it.

Yesterday I read you wanted to make a name for yourself, to have it carry weight, yet you want people to not be themselves, to not be how you don't like them to be. This place is a goldfish bowl Tree, and we're all just swimming around in it. We all choose what we want to add to VR and what I'm trying to say is, no one's shit smells any better than anyone else's in here. Including yours and mine.

Hello gentlemen. I hope that I am not intruding on this intellectual conversation. I think that everyone should be themselves here because outside VR no one believes that Vampires are real and that is OK, but it means that those of us who are sanguine vampires, have a harder time with openly drinking the blood we need to thrive. I remember telling my mother that I am a sanguine and psionic vampire and she flat out laughed at me. Here on VR, I am free to be myself completely and I love this extended family I have here. I don't feel so alone. As for the name carrying weight, I believe that it is not the name itself that carries weight, it is the words and deeds that one does that carry weight. (Please feel free to tell me to shut up if needed, lol. I do not mind at all)

I just looked back at this entry thread and the dialog between us in comments so am summarizing now.

When I first came here in 2010 I was looking for kindred and knew right away who stood out the most and that was Nikki. She has many profiles but I think her best one is: LadyBloodMoon. However she had a lot on her plate and I required more than she could give. Many were vying for her attention and sabotaging others to get it. I have never found anyone else even close to that since. So now I'm still looking but the site isn't even close to the way it was. There's still a lot of the same players that established themselves and were responsible for a lot shit and even now are too proud to admit. Some have positions of power and they don't want to give it up nor face it in their minds.

Now, you see some of my actions and behavior from your point view since your brief time here and respond. I respect your opinions and they add to my outlook as a whole. Those things you mention that sadden you I think you aren't seeing all the history behind them. Some of them carry more weight and may seem extreme to you but there's "justification" behind them. I come from a military background. My father was a government agent. Not CIA more like FBI but in the military and then GS that serves in presidential cabinets. My fathers a very proud man and doesn't tolerate anything that undermines his pride. This created quite a bit of abuse because he couldn't face it. This has become a pet peeve for me in life. I see it playing out with members on this site in high places. I'm not about to make it easy for them. Those in authority are judged by higher standards. That's just balanced to fit their roles. They are probably used to others kowtowing that don't know any better. Trust me I know better.

My power base is in how I behave. I try to serve in that capacity. My words and actions carry occult power. Some use influence and glamour for theirs when mine is more surgical and precise. It's not perfect and is constantly being refined. Important to note I can admit when I'm wrong about something where others can't to save face.

Now I'm a society master. Besides Nico who is here temporarily as a sanctuary I don't really have anyone. I'll be working on that as soon I can. I trust my nature spirit's counsel to give me the most optimal time to act.

@ Toxicbite29 Long time no see. How's things in the "out back"? Your participation is welcomed. I have a both love and hate relationship with kindred online. I'd sure like to meet them and see if they act the same in real life. I'm quite the black sheep in my family. They being Christian and all. I'm definitely not one of those though I think I grasp the bible better than they do. I desire blood at times though can make do with other subtle energies while thinking of it.

I appreciate the time you spent writing a reply Tree.

You are right. I'm not aware of history. Yet all I see is random pot shots without provocation and I can't see any reason for that kind of behaviour. I usually like to take our conversations to an end until they fade naturally, but this time I'm leaving it.

I'll catch up with you in your next post and get back into our longer conversations as we usually do.

Cool. Although we live and phase in and out of eternity we still mark a beginning and ending to chapters. Until later then.