The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I loved that show...Samantha was my hero, and Carrie could write things that I could look at and go "YES! exactly" so in the inimitable style of that fabulous show...

"Can a woman of 43 have the mature lovelife she's always wanted, and still be young enough for a crush?"

I find it ironic that as a college student, I eschewed computer courses for art class, blew off math for drama and thought that if I could spend my life reading, I would die happy...lol..I was also a virgin until I was 21...amazing in this day and age, or that one for that matter. So years later, not only am I married to a computer geek, but I have mostly computer geeks for friends..and who insists that I enter the world wide web but my husband...irony at it's best...

I never sat down at a computer until I was 35...and did so at my husband's insistence...I quickly graduated from c/p'ing jokes to my friends that he knew, to finding music sites, etc. and making NEW friends...and suddenly "you spend way too much time on the computer" became a common refrain for me to hear...

I met and made friends every bit as easily as I do in real life..and somehow in all that I began to grow up as a separate person...and to find things and people I never knew I could...I found all kinds, all nationalities, all sexual preferences, all everything-it truly opened up a grand world of discussion and exchange of thoughts and ideas, and eventually it lead me to try and find people who could share some of the same things I see and feel, and need...and then I found a man who could be everything to me, and more that I didn't even know I needed. It is mature, caring, warm, fulfilling, and everything I ever wanted in a relationship...

So why in the WORLD would just the thought of this man have me unable to sleep for 3 days? Why would I feel as Diane Lane once said in "A Little Romance"...wispy? I'm 43 years old for crying out loud...I should be delving into all kinds of sexual explorations, learning what my body is here for as I once said on another site...lol...not pining away for a man who is slam across the continent for me...so...

"Can a woman of 43 have a crush, or is it just a matter of being crushed by circumstances?"

I love carrie...

Today my husband lost a close friend of his. At the moment, I am the only one who knows it yet, because Jim was at work when the Sergeant from the base called. His closest friend was apparently in the middle of a rather vicious divorce, and just couldn't take it anymore, so he used his service revolver to put a bullet in his head. Stan was in his 50's, but was bright, energetic, and dedicated to the service of his country. He had a right to be able to retire and relax and enjoy himself after everything he did. I am at a loss as to what to do, because I know my husband is going to take this hard, might possibly even blame himself for not keeping in better contact after he himself had retired, and I have no idea what to do to help him. He has now lost 2 people in his life to suicide, and I know this is going to hit him hard. After the initial shock I found myself growing angry at Stan for doing this to everybody who cared about him, and who enjoyed having him in their lives. So I came here to let some of this out, to write it down and maybe make sense of it before I try and explain to my husband what has happened, and instead of seeing things clearer, I am instead growing angrier because of all the profiles and journals I have read here where children who have so much more to live for, and so much more time to do it in are daily writing about how they want to die, how they feel like killing themselves, and all the ways they wish they could do it. I see profiles of kids who cut, pierce, and otherwise damage themselves in order to supposedly feel something, and it just makes me sick...

there is nothing that should be worth taking your life over-no pain so great that it can't be shared with a friend or family member, no hurt so deep that it can't eventually heal, no love lost so painfully that another cannot eventually take it's place. There is simply the nature of the gift of life, and this should not be squandered to the darkness.....it leaves too much ugliness behind