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What you have all been waiting for! Well, not really. But I do have new photo's in my portfolio.

I fucking hate people!!!



*Edit*



When I have mood issues, large groups of people freak me out. I can't be around a lot of people, and it pisses me off when I am forced into such a situation. It's bullshit. Not to mention that it's fucking impossible to talk to someone when there are a ton of people around. i am a very solitary person. i like the company of 1, maybe 2 people. Today was definitely not the day for me to have to be around a ton of annoying as hell people.

Yay for naps! Mwahahahaha! Damn that fire drill, and I am eternally thankful for my black hoodie. That was... very, very fun. Wheeee! Tee hee hee.

Things have been absolutely insane this past week, which explains my lack of writing. My room is almost done. It's all in purple and black, and very artistic looking. I have all of my scholarship applications in, and a ton of honors banquets coming up at the beginning of May. I have finally fought past my worst issues, and feel much better because of it. I even had a very fun "nap" on Thursday and have no regrets about it and no emotions attached to it. In fact, I hope it occurs again. I think I got a little chest cold this weekend, but I am starting to feel better. Wow. That is a lot of information to digest at once. I'm not hyper, just had a lot of caffeine. Until next time.

Mom: Why is there a condom under my couch?

Me: I don't know. It's not mine.

Mom: It's a planned parenthood one.

Me: Maybe it's your ex's.

Mom: No, we didn't use any.

Me: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Mom: I bet it was Chris's. He sat on this couch.

Me: I wouldn't doubt it.

Mom: I can't believe he thought he'd get some.

Me and Mom: Ewwww.

Not much to say, just feeling lonely.

Well, I had a bit of a nervous breakdown today around 1:30. I got upset over some ridiculously stupid shit that isn't worth my time. People are piling too much on me at school, and on top of that I'm not too emotionally stable at the moment. I don't handle change very well, especially emotional changes. In fact, that type of change completely fucks with my head. That helps to explain my behavior over the past few days. I'm having a hell of a time, but I'm working through it on my own. Once I get past this, I think my mental state will improve a lot. I didn't scream, hit anything, or "play" with any sharp objects. I think that's a good sign. Not much else to report for now.

Today so far has sucked. That's all.

I fucking hate high school, and the people in it. I used to like it, but it all went downhill this year. I'm sick of the drama, I'm sick of the fakeness, I want something different. I want to run off to a different country or take a year off before college. Today was my first day back to high school, and I got so much shit added to my to do list. What the hell am I? Some sort of miracle worker? I'm just frustrated beyond the point of comprehension. I was so out of it today, it was like I took 2 really strong vicoden, but I didn't. I don't know how to handle all this shit anymore. Fwah.



Well, this was going to be a short entry, but as I currently have no motivation to do anything, i suppose it will have to be longer. It seemed as if everyone was a little off and acting out of character today.



Not to mention that at the end of the school day people were bugging the hell out of me. How many times do people have to bring up a painful subject that was closed over a year ago? Do they not realize that I have emotional issues with that subject and that they should just drop it? It seems as if every time the stitches begin to sew the wound shut, random people like to rip them out and rub in salt. It only makes the pain worse, yet it is expected that I take the whole issue as hilarious. Well, theatre class finally paid off.



Not to mention that now there is prom coming up, and guess who has decided not to go? Me, along with most everyone in our senior class. I was actually looking forward to going, but even that has turned to shit. If I do go, I will end up sitting at a table and staring at the wall the whole night, because that's how great my life is. See how pessimistic I become when thrown back into this environment? No wonder everyone thinks I am such a bitch. I can actually be a very nice, happy person, but it's hard to be that way when everyone acts like you don't matter and you are not there. Earlier today I just disappeared, and no one noticed I was missing for 15 minutes. It wasn't in a crowd either, it was a group of 6 people. I guess I really am invisible.

Today, due to sheer boredom, I went out and the the stuff I needed to start my scrapbook. I did a page for art club, then I started to look through all the stuff I've collected over the past two years, and it brought back so many memories. Both happy and painful. Things that were once great, and now make me want to cry. It's going to be hard when I get around to putting those pages together. I'm going to try and get this done before graduation, just one more goal to add to the list. I still need to get my things out of storage, so I can add in the years before I came to Timken as well. I think I have a few pictures from Perry around here somewhere though. It's amazing how much even just one photo can bring back into your mind. If anyone has anything to contribute to the great scrapbook endeavor of '05, I would love the help. Other than that, nothing much is going on. School next week again, so I will have to detach my hands from this keyboard. Until next time.

This is something my mom said tonight before she took her meds.



Did you know that if you pucker up your lips real tight, it looks like you have an asshole on your face?



I love my mom, she is even more special than I am.