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I get so upset sometimes. Upset that I seem to be the last on Mike's priority list. Upset that I still can't drive my car. Upset that I'm still living at home. Upset that Mike seems to prefer spending time with his roomates and his female friends than with me. Upset that I'm in a shitty job. Upset that I haven't really seen any of my own friends in over a year. Upset for a lot of reasons.

I am so sick and fucking tired of being walked on by Mike. He takes advantage of the fact that I am willing to adjust my plans and my life to spend time with him. This has happened numerous times, and tonight was just one more example. We were supposed to go to Book of Shadows together tonight so he could get his tarot reading. Me going with him was planned nearly a week in advance. Today he calls me 20 minutes before his appoinment and says "Sorry honey, I overslept because I was helping my brother do something this morning (again) and I didn't get to bed until noon. I'm still going for my reading, but I won't pick you up because I don't want to keep Toni waiting." I just love that he can get up in time to get coffee with his best friend's girlfriend, or to drop whatever he's doing to cater to his family's wants, or to go out with a friend from high school's husband, and yet he can't fucking get up in time to keep plans with his girlfriend of nearly 8 months. Isn't it nice to know where you sit on his goddamned priority list??????? I don't even know for sure whether or not we're going to the renn faire this weekend, because he might have to work. I won't even find out until tomorrow morning, and we're supposed to be leaving around 6 tomorrow night. Hell, I shouldn't start packing until after I get off work at five tomorrow, because maybe by then we'll have finalized the fucking plans that were started two months ago! I try to do sweet things for him, like baking him brownies and cleaning his house, and I try to be patient when he does stuff like this, but I only have so much fucking patience and I can only give so much of myself. I was told by someone who I consider to be a mentor to not love him too much, or he'll use it to his advantage. She was right. I love him with all my heart, but sometimes that man makes me so angry I could beat him with a ravioli maker.