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It's finally here everyone, the big rant I've been working up to for a good long time. I am no longer allowed to complain at home, or risk being kicked out, so my journal here is going to be seeing a lot more action. I've been told not to talk my entire life, which is probably why I have such trouble communicating verbally. I can write very well, but when it comes to talking I tend to freeze up. Thus the Silent in my screen name. As of recently, I've also developed a slight stuttering problem, caused by a hesitancy to speak, especially in social situations. I also have a problem with bringing up things that I'm angry about, which I hadn't realized until someone brought it to my attention. I have also recently been reprimanded for spending too much time on the internet, spending too much time filling out job applications and going on interviews, and at the same time not doing anything. I have been instructed to get my driver's license as soon as possible, but to wait a month before I try to get a job. Driving the car hinges on getting the job, because I don't know about you, but money for tags and car insurance is not being brought to me magically by a little fairy. I'm being reprimanded about my attitude, yet whenever I am in a good mood, I am repeatedly brought down. I'm not allowed to be in a good mood, I'm not allowed to complain, and I'm magically supposed to become happy? Oh yes, and I'm still supposed to be on my anti-depressants, but I'm not. I haven't been for months, because one: i do better without them, and two: my mom needs to take them because she does not qualify for medicaid and they cost over $90 a month. Now here's the kicker, I may be taken off of medicaid if I no longer qualify. I find out on the 10th. Now if I no longer qualify, not only do I not get my birth control, my mom does not get her zoloft. I am also being told to calm down constantly, that my problems are not important, and I'm doing just fine. I have no job, no driver's license, and over $2,000 in debt, not counting the $3,000 I owe the federal government on my student loans. I'm not whining over clothes or friends, I'm upset because I can't find a fucking job or pay my bills. And I am tired of people thinking their problems are so much bigger than mine. I'm almost 20 years old, I have very few job skills (2 years of college did absolutely nothing, and liberal education requirements aren't worth a damn) and I am goddamn sick and tired of not knowing what the fuck is going to happen to me.