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I remember, when I missed who I used to be before my heart was broken and the darkness of the world became known.

Now, I think I miss myself when I missed myself. It was... less lonely. People were more fake then. Eager to please and pretended to fit in to so many cliques just for a few hits of dopamine soaked acknowledgements and fake laughs. Ready to turn on any one person and betray just about anyone just for that hit of group camaraderie and feel just justified enough to claim all those clowns as friends while defending any one persons despicable or just brutal antisocial acts on whatever random person they had decided they no longer enjoyed or felt entertained by.

Bleak point of view, I know. And not the whole truth either. There very much were real friendships... time never tested those.

But others? Got warped. Twisted. Plain terrifying, overtime. Maybe, they always were. Maybe we want to see good where... well. Wherever.

Yeah... I suppose if I'm honest... which I hate being, I very much miss the naivete with which I believed a few too many of those were really... friends, lovers, etcetera.

First impressions coupled with red flags.... are your biggest tells. And Time.... Time teaches you that, every time.

I regret nothing. That isn't a flex. That isn't easy.

I am the lessons that make me.

But I do miss, when my heart was just a tiny bit more at peace than I thought it was then.